How to Get Into the Holiday Spirit When You’re Not Feeling It
Did you ever notice how the holidays seem to sneak up like an over-eager houseguest? One minute you’re minding your own business, and the next, every store is blaring carols and someone on your street has installed enough lights to power a small town. Meanwhile, I’m standing there wondering where all this cheer is coming from and whether I missed a memo.
If you’re not quite in the spirit, you’re in very good company. Some years, it all feels easy. Other years, the pressure, the expectations, and the relentless “magic of the season” messaging just land differently. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. It just means you’re tired. And honestly, who isn’t?
This isn’t about forcing joy. It’s about finding small, quiet moments that still feel comforting, even if the rest of the world seems to be running on gingerbread fumes.
Some Years Are Just Harder
There are years when you can’t wait to deck the halls. Then there are years when the thought of untangling lights feels like a personal attack.
Maybe you’re juggling too much. Maybe the holidays remind you of someone you’re missing. Or maybe you’re just tired. Mentally, emotionally, and physically tired. I know I am.
Whatever the reason, not feeling festive doesn’t make you a Grinch. It makes you human.
The truth is, life doesn’t pause for the holidays. Sometimes the joy takes a little coaxing, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s not about plastering on a smile. It’s about finding small sparks that still feel like you.
Redefine What Festive Means
Somewhere along the line, festive became synonymous with doing the absolute most. Perfectly wrapped gifts. Homemade everything. Themed tablescapes. Coordinated family outfits. (Who started that tradition anyway?)
This year, what if the festive season looked a little simpler? Maybe it’s lighting a candle that smells vaguely like cinnamon rolls. Or buying pre-wrapped gifts and calling it a day. Maybe it’s doing less and actually enjoying more.
If the idea of decorating your whole house makes you want to hide under a blanket, start with one corner. A candle, a vase of greenery, a string of twinkle lights. Done.
For me, it’s the little things. The smell of pine, a quiet evening in fuzzy socks, or hanging out with my grandson. If that’s all the holiday spirit I can muster, it’s enough.
Mood Boosters That Actually Work
The trick to feeling festive when you’re not is to think small. Forget the grand gestures. You’re not auditioning for a holiday movie. You’re just looking for things that make life feel a little softer around the edges.
1. Turn on the Lights (Literally)
Warm lighting is magic. Fairy lights, flameless candles, a glowing lamp. Whatever you’ve got. Keep in mind that this picture is from last year, and I haven’t even started decorating for this year yet.
2. Pick One Festive Outfit Piece
CASHMERE V-NECK SWEATER size M / STRAIGHT-LEG VELVETEEN PANTS IN LEOPARD PRINT size 10 petite
Nothing boosts my mood faster than clothes that feel like an occasion. I don’t mean sequins, unless you love them. I mean something that feels special, like a cashmere wrap or sweater, a velvet blazer, or even a red lip. If all else fails, pajamas count, especially if they’re soft enough to make you cancel plans.
3. Smell Is Powerful
A candle, essential oil, or diffuser can do what a playlist can’t. Scents like pine, clove, or orange instantly set the scene without any effort.
4. Create a Mini Ritual
Maybe it’s watching your favorite movie, sipping hot cocoa at night, or writing cards by hand. Tiny traditions bring a sense of continuity even when everything else feels different.
5. Get Outside
When all else fails, step outside. A brisk walk resets your mood better than any sugar cookie. Bonus points if you admire a few Christmas lights.
Connection Helps
There’s this idea that the holidays are all about togetherness. And they are, in theory. But if large gatherings leave you feeling drained, you’re not obligated to attend every single one.
Instead, choose the connections that feel good. Invite a friend for coffee. Drop off cookies to a neighbor. Send a card to someone who’s had a rough year.
If you’re alone this season, make it intentional. Plan a day you actually want. Cook something indulgent, watch a favorite movie, or spend the day in cozy clothes without an ounce of guilt.
Simplify Everything
If you’re struggling to feel festive, the last thing you need is more pressure. Let’s be honest. Most of us are doing way too much.
Try this instead:
- Skip a tradition. If it doesn’t bring joy, retire it. The family recipe no one actually likes can go.
- Say no more often. A polite “I’ll have to pass this year” works wonders.
- Buy the cookies. The bakery won’t judge you.
- Pick your battles. If the lights go up crooked, consider it character.
The holidays don’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. In fact, the imperfect years often stick with you the most, usually because you learned to let something go.
When the Funk Feels Deeper
If the season feels particularly heavy, please don’t white-knuckle it alone. Sometimes it’s more than a slump. Talk to someone. A friend, a therapist, your doctor. There’s no shame in admitting you need help.
Joy might feel far away, but it’s still possible. It just might look quieter this year, and that’s perfectly fine.
Remember…Festive Isn’t a Competition
The longer I live, the more I’m convinced the holidays are less about cheer and more about pacing. Some years, you glide right in. Other years, you feel like you’re merging onto a highway where everyone else is already going eighty. With cookies.
You don’t have to match anyone’s speed. Let the enthusiastic bakers and décor lovers do their thing. If your contribution this year is lighting a candle and remembering where you hid the gift wrap, that counts in my book.
And honestly, half the people who look wildly festive are probably just as tired…they’re simply better at disguising it with twinkle lights.
So if your holiday spirit shows up late or lightly caffeinated, welcome it anyway.
What’s one small thing that feels doable for you this season… besides hiding until January?
what a wise and timely post. thank you!
What a lovely – and timely! – reminder that we can control the craziness of the holidays. Posts like this are why I look forward to reading your newsletters. Thank you for being a beacon of light for many of us!
Thanks Rachel
Just what I needed today. Love your posts. I am 73 and have experienced everything you have been through, including very thin hair! Keep up your good work. I am sure you have helped many others!
I don’t feel the Christmas holiday vibe until Thanksgiving is cleaned up and put away. This year we are traveling for Thanksgiving. I am packing my two Talbots holiday tees that I have had for years and will wear them Friday and Saturday before we come home. At the least, I hope to spread some cheer to those around me. And that coat!! I love the vibrant color.
It’s wild! I know she’ll look stunning in it.
We have done this to ourselves. Set silly standards that become difficult/impossible to meet. It occurs to me that there is a loneliness epidemic in part because we’ve made organizing a gathering too much of a chore. Some welcoming coziness goes a long way. We don’t need to complete with the famous (infamous?) people who entertain. I vote that we all lower the bar some and enjoy life and each other more!
I vote for that too!!
You are correct! Every year the holiday “must haves” and shopping reminders show up earlier. Eyerolling for sure
I appreciate this post so much! My favorite holiday is Christmas, but with the stores starting earlier and earlier every year, I find that it tends to diminish my joy immensely. One store I went into had most of their Christmas out in August! The longer it is forced upon me, the less joy it gives me. Can we please at least get through Halloween before we begin anticipating Christmas? I have a list of holiday movies that I get excited about watching usually starting early in November. This year, I didn’t want to even think about them until just a few days ago. I’ve watched a couple which have begun to get me in the spirit. Shopping comes later for me each year now as well. I used to be one of those people who had most of it done and wrapped before Thanksgiving. This year I have only purchased one gift so far and it was just because it was something my husband mentioned he wanted. We will still put up our tree the day after Thanksgiving which always helps spark my joy and love for the holiday. Hopefully it will again this year.
Same! I spotted things out in stores in August and rather than excite me, it made me groan.
I needed this post today! I spent yesterday steaming my floors. Company starts arriving today. I’m thinking about asking them to help me hang a large wall clock and climbing up to reach dishes only used for holidays!😂Your humor boosted my spirits
Thank you so much for this thoughtful post that reminds us there is no one way to do the holidays. Do what makes you happy and worry less about what others are doing. Doing less doesn’t mean your a grinch.
Last year I donated our Xmas tree and many ornaments. I bought a tiny tabletop tree and decorated it with small ornaments and lights. Made the entire decorating process much easier. My husband and I like to attend small town Christmas festivities in our area at our leisure. I’ve noticed retailers and advertisers really jumped on the Christmas bandwagon early this year. No wonder one feels frazzled when the Thanksgiving turkey hasn’t even been in the oven! Spending time in nature is a soothing antidote.
Yes!
It’s very hard to get in the Christmas spirit when you broke your foot and in boot. With no weight bearing for a month. I’m usually in the midst of making candies and baking cookies and decorating . And here I am letting everything heal.
I’m so sorry Carol! Take care of yourself.
At 77 I said this is the year everyone gets gift cards; kids and grandkids. And of course I can’t even get into my guest bedroom but it’s exploding with gifts that need to be wrapped. I have to stop lying to myself.
lol! You have lots of energy Beverly.
just what I needed today, Holidays are going to be hard this year, daughter is going through Chemo for breast cancer. I am keeping a smile and happy thoughts on the outside, but the inside it’s just not there. Again thanks for this today. Have a blessed holiday to you and your family.
I’m so very sorry!! Sending prayers and best wishes for both of you. I can’t imagine how very hard this is for you
Harper. Please take care of yourself too!
Thank you! You have said what others seem to avoid. I find myself saying didn’t we just do Christmas. When you said « you are tired ». It hit me, yes I am, this year is a smaller tree so I don’t have to move furniture. I always hated losing my favourite chair for a month. Only baking a couple of things. Not skipping Christmas , right sizing it for me!
Burning ourselves out helps no one!!
Jennifer, I totally agree with your thinking. Every year, the commercial start of the season is earlier; this year some of the big box stores had Christmas trees and other decorations competing with Halloween candy/ decorations. That takes away some of the spirit for me.
We watched a good ole fashion movie (updated with current and talented actors) the other night and it was actually so refreshing to get away from everything for a couple of hours.
My guess is because of technology everyone moves on to the next thing so quickly and doesn’t stop to pause anymore.
I think you’re right!
This is my favorite blog post you’ve ever done. I’ve felt this for many years. Christmas has become just TOO MUCH. My favorite tradition is having my grands come to the house and decorate my tree while they help me bake their favorite Christmas cookie. Two things done and I don’t have to do them. So many people love Christmas. Me? Not so much.
I’m right there with you Sandy
My oldest daughter is not coming to Thanksgiving
We have not had a real conversation in 2 years. No Happy Mother’s Day or Birthday. My heart is broken.
I’m so sorry Kelly! That’s heartbreaking. I pray things will turn around. Even a little bit.
I am having my family for Thanksgiving and then a casual Christmas – New Year get together. Our parents are long gone and in past years stood by the grave of two younger siblings. Death does not know an age, I am too aware of that, but as we do get older death is closer. I find spending time far more important as the years seem to move faster.
I found todays topic hitting home hard this year. I do not know why, but it is a “down” year for me. I suspect our gloomy fall weather has had something to do with it. Others are also commenting on the lack of sunny days here in Pennsylvania where I live. Maybe we’ll have a cold sunny winter? One can hope!
Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m feeling my age pretty intensely these days and it’s sobering. It sounds silly and obvious, but time is our most precious commodity. Happy Thanksgiving.
Jennifer, I’m feeling the same way this year. Thanks for your much needed post. ❤️
Jennifer- what a thoughtful post! Our most memorable Christmas was the year we lost power for 14 days & it was restored on 12/23. 4 teens, mom & dad and sister and husband arriving and only a jar of mustard in the fridge. I said like the grinch “ it came without whistles, it came without bells’ but the holiday was every bit as wonderful- maybe better- even our teens pitched in to help that year! Happy Thanksgiving
We would have been married 35 years this holiday season. My late husband passed 5 years ago. The kids have partners, grateful for that. No grandchildren. I decided to travel to Paris for a few days. Just to see the Christmas lights and markets. Figured something different would spark better conversations.
Have a wonderful trip!