How to Get Into the Holiday Spirit When You’re Not Feeling It
Did you ever notice how the holidays seem to sneak up like an over-eager houseguest? One minute you’re minding your own business, and the next, every store is blaring carols and someone on your street has installed enough lights to power a small town. Meanwhile, I’m standing there wondering where all this cheer is coming from and whether I missed a memo.
If you’re not quite in the spirit, you’re in very good company. Some years, it all feels easy. Other years, the pressure, the expectations, and the relentless “magic of the season” messaging just land differently. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. It just means you’re tired. And honestly, who isn’t?
This isn’t about forcing joy. It’s about finding small, quiet moments that still feel comforting, even if the rest of the world seems to be running on gingerbread fumes.
Some Years Are Just Harder
There are years when you can’t wait to deck the halls. Then there are years when the thought of untangling lights feels like a personal attack.
Maybe you’re juggling too much. Maybe the holidays remind you of someone you’re missing. Or maybe you’re just tired. Mentally, emotionally, and physically tired. I know I am.
Whatever the reason, not feeling festive doesn’t make you a Grinch. It makes you human.
The truth is, life doesn’t pause for the holidays. Sometimes the joy takes a little coaxing, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s not about plastering on a smile. It’s about finding small sparks that still feel like you.
Redefine What Festive Means
Somewhere along the line, festive became synonymous with doing the absolute most. Perfectly wrapped gifts. Homemade everything. Themed tablescapes. Coordinated family outfits. (Who started that tradition anyway?)
This year, what if the festive season looked a little simpler? Maybe it’s lighting a candle that smells vaguely like cinnamon rolls. Or buying pre-wrapped gifts and calling it a day. Maybe it’s doing less and actually enjoying more.
If the idea of decorating your whole house makes you want to hide under a blanket, start with one corner. A candle, a vase of greenery, a string of twinkle lights. Done.
For me, it’s the little things. The smell of pine, a quiet evening in fuzzy socks, or hanging out with my grandson. If that’s all the holiday spirit I can muster, it’s enough.
Mood Boosters That Actually Work
The trick to feeling festive when you’re not is to think small. Forget the grand gestures. You’re not auditioning for a holiday movie. You’re just looking for things that make life feel a little softer around the edges.
1. Turn on the Lights (Literally)
Warm lighting is magic. Fairy lights, flameless candles, a glowing lamp. Whatever you’ve got. Keep in mind that this picture is from last year, and I haven’t even started decorating for this year yet.
2. Pick One Festive Outfit Piece
CASHMERE V-NECK SWEATER size M / STRAIGHT-LEG VELVETEEN PANTS IN LEOPARD PRINT size 10 petite
Nothing boosts my mood faster than clothes that feel like an occasion. I don’t mean sequins, unless you love them. I mean something that feels special, like a cashmere wrap or sweater, a velvet blazer, or even a red lip. If all else fails, pajamas count, especially if they’re soft enough to make you cancel plans.
3. Smell Is Powerful
A candle, essential oil, or diffuser can do what a playlist can’t. Scents like pine, clove, or orange instantly set the scene without any effort.
4. Create a Mini Ritual
Maybe it’s watching your favorite movie, sipping hot cocoa at night, or writing cards by hand. Tiny traditions bring a sense of continuity even when everything else feels different.
5. Get Outside
When all else fails, step outside. A brisk walk resets your mood better than any sugar cookie. Bonus points if you admire a few Christmas lights.
Connection Helps
There’s this idea that the holidays are all about togetherness. And they are, in theory. But if large gatherings leave you feeling drained, you’re not obligated to attend every single one.
Instead, choose the connections that feel good. Invite a friend for coffee. Drop off cookies to a neighbor. Send a card to someone who’s had a rough year.
If you’re alone this season, make it intentional. Plan a day you actually want. Cook something indulgent, watch a favorite movie, or spend the day in cozy clothes without an ounce of guilt.
Simplify Everything
If you’re struggling to feel festive, the last thing you need is more pressure. Let’s be honest. Most of us are doing way too much.
Try this instead:
- Skip a tradition. If it doesn’t bring joy, retire it. The family recipe no one actually likes can go.
- Say no more often. A polite “I’ll have to pass this year” works wonders.
- Buy the cookies. The bakery won’t judge you.
- Pick your battles. If the lights go up crooked, consider it character.
The holidays don’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. In fact, the imperfect years often stick with you the most, usually because you learned to let something go.
When the Funk Feels Deeper
If the season feels particularly heavy, please don’t white-knuckle it alone. Sometimes it’s more than a slump. Talk to someone. A friend, a therapist, your doctor. There’s no shame in admitting you need help.
Joy might feel far away, but it’s still possible. It just might look quieter this year, and that’s perfectly fine.
Remember…Festive Isn’t a Competition
The longer I live, the more I’m convinced the holidays are less about cheer and more about pacing. Some years, you glide right in. Other years, you feel like you’re merging onto a highway where everyone else is already going eighty. With cookies.
You don’t have to match anyone’s speed. Let the enthusiastic bakers and décor lovers do their thing. If your contribution this year is lighting a candle and remembering where you hid the gift wrap, that counts in my book.
And honestly, half the people who look wildly festive are probably just as tired…they’re simply better at disguising it with twinkle lights.
So if your holiday spirit shows up late or lightly caffeinated, welcome it anyway.
What’s one small thing that feels doable for you this season… besides hiding until January?
What a great post! I love your honesty and practical, timely suggestions.
And the Ann Taylor coat is such a pretty color….wish I was bold enough to wear it.
Great post!
Excellent article. It is good to hear someone say the quiet things out loud and provide some constructive ideas. Thank you for this one.
I find decorating my house puts me in the mood. Those twinkly lights that come on at 4:00 are a happy sight. I plan get together with friends for coffee or lunch. Happy chatter perks me up.
I also plan happy hours at my house with small groups. I used to make all my appies from scratch but now I mostly buy frozen, premade and pop them in the oven. Easy peasy! Add a beautiful charcuterie board and you’re the star. Now all you have to do is pour the wine.
Watching the Grinch movie sets the mood too. You really don’t need all the presents to have a happy Christmas. It’s all about the people who surround you. Wrap them in love!
I hope you get out of your funk soon. Those little grandchildren and Vanessa coming for Christmas will surely do it.
Many psychologist tell us the best way to feel better is to help someone else. I printed a Kindness Advent calendar with a kindness for each day. Very simple: hold open the door; smile at strangers; thank everyone who helps you (barrista, sales clerk, traffic cop); pay for the coffee. I know this elevates my mood!
I love that idea Carol!
This is a post that hit the nail on the head today. I have not been feeling the season and usually have thought about decorating by now, this year not so much. The idea of spending a loud and busy time with 45 people in a single household has me cringing instead of anticipating. My husband loves these things and I would rather stay at home, so that creates a bit of a conflict. I have gone from a Christmas explosion years ago to a much more subtle way of decorating lately and I do like the twinkle lights over the mantle, just not the whole house.
Thank you for your lovely post, and all the comments as well.
I’m an introvert, so I prefer quiet time too
Thank you. Last year as Christmas approached we were in a borrowed travel trailer at MD Anderson looking at treatment straight through the holidays. That really illustrated that a simple Christmas is so so sweet.
Simple is frequently best!
Concentrate your decor. My pumpkin collection covers fall, a few tweaks if you want to highlight Halloween and Thanksgiving stronger. Christmas / Winter is all about trees. After Christmas the ones with stars on top are retired but the snowy ones are out till March. Spring / summer is rabbits, birdhouses and sailboats. I actually look forward to the changeovers!
Great ideas! We have simplified the holidays as now we travel during that time. Away for Christmas and New Year on a cruise the last two years, loved it – but missed our church on Christmas Eve. Going this year a few days after and will be on board for a festive New Year’s Eve. Because of that have not put up the “big tree” in three years. Culled through all the holiday totes and made one called “Basic Christmas”. Ceramic tree, small nativity, some greenery…and it works. Make cookies that we love, not all the ones we used to. Loving this relaxed holiday. May put up the big tree in the future, but for now it makes for a cozy holiday!
This year I purchased a new tree and it’s sparse and only six feet tall-just two pieces to put together. I used a quarter of the already weeded out ornaments I have and no extra garlands and it’s absolutely perfect. My favorite ornaments are front and center and can be admired all day long. A few candles with battery timers and a red throw on the sofa and I’m done.
I loved this post! All your thoughts about appreciating Christmas with what makes you happy is spot on! Have a great Thanksgiving!
Jennifer… You truly are an amazing writer! Your metaphors and similes are phenomenal, and so very expressive. You always bring a smile to my face…thank you for that! Is writing in your background?
My dad was a writer, and of course my brother is a writer. I dabble 🙂
Hi Jennifer! Thank you for these beautiful words! So wise! I gave up making a family letter and stuffing it into over a hundred cards a few years back. Was no longer fun to do by myself, cost a fortune and we got very few in return anyway. No one has ever mentioned missing it and one less thing to do. Relief! Thanks also for your blog. I look forward to reading it each time it appears in my inbox. May your holidays be peaceful, warm and filled with those you love! ❤️
Happy holidays!
Jennifer, I can’t tell you how much this post resonated with me. I got a little teary just reading it because I recognized myself. Thank you for your wise words and for always being so authentic. Your blog has become my refuge. Have a restful Thanksgiving.
I’m so glad and thankful that you’re a member of our community! Happy Thanksgiving
This is one of your best posts ever! I share many of your feelings about the holiday season. Every year it seems to start earlier and earlier and swallows up Thanksgiving. I believe that all the emphasis on perfection and consumption is bad for our mental health. Thanks for your mood-boost suggestions, I will use them when I feel overwhelmed and drained. I can attest that walking and being in nature is very calming. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Thank you for the reminders and tips today. I love the holidays and I am noticing that I’m putting a lot of undo pressure on myself. With Thanksgiving coming up this week and my desire to decorate for Christmas gnawing at me, I am glad you are reminding me to take a pause to enjoy the small moments.
I am taking one holiday at a time. I am focusing on Thanksgiving now, with pumpkins, fall leaves, wreath, turkey and dressing, and seeing my daughter and husband in Durango in a few days. We will put up tree after Thanksgiving in December, go to a few social gatherings, Christmas Symphony, etc.
I do feel sad at times during holidays, because our Christmases are not like they used to be. My girls don’t live near us, and one is in London with one and only granddaughter. We usually see them in the spring. I miss my parents. My mom died at 59 from cancer, dad 80 cancer. My parents did Christmas with traditions I still do and my girls do as well. We see my husband’s family more because they live a couple of hours away. We do the best we can, and try to focus on the present , not the past.
Have a wonderful holiday taking one day at a time.
Thanks Sue.
I’m sorry to hear you’re in a funk. It’s still early… there’s time ahead to get in the spirit. What helps me the most is shopping for gifts all year long rather than now as it takes off so much pressure. I often ask Alexa to play Christmas jazz whenever I’m cooking or cleaning up… music helps too.
The two things my husband and I gave one another this past Christmas were a whole house water filter and gentle waterfall shower head. Not only does the water taste much better, but my fine hair appreciates both.
This is a wonderfully down-to-earth reminder that we can choose quiet moments rather than be swept along by waves of buying and decorating and baking and whatever. Our community has a non-denominational service of remembrance for those who are missing friends and loved ones; maybe your community also has one. Our senior center and also our hospital each offer a Thanksgiving dinner for those that wish to join others. I’m more of a loner, so a nice cup of tea and a book are really nice, especially if there is a treat baking in the oven.
I’m a bit of a loner myself. I’m just very comfortable in my own company.
Here’s another suggestion to help your heart and spirit. Go to church and worship the King of the universe. Have a grateful heart to the creator and Jesus who forgives your sins. Help someone if you can. That will stir gladness in your heart.❤️