Dressing to Please Yourself
Within seconds of seeing us, people make assumptions about our financial situation, sense of humor, education level, socioeconomic status, happiness level etc. We all know that’s true but at our age and in this era of wearing what we like, how many of you feel pressure to conform? Do you let other’s perceptions affect your fashion choices? Even in a subtle way? Do you dress to please yourself without concern about how you are seen?
I asked a question on my Facebook page, (do you follow me there?) earlier this week which sparked a lively discussion. I asked, “What does frumpy look like to you?” Notice I said look like to you. Not feel like.
Women mentioned brands and types of garments they think look frumpy. There were lots of generalities but few made the connection personal. Some mentioned things which other women defended as not frumpy.
It’s not surprising to read how vehemently women feel about looking frumpy. It’s not a look many women would intentionally put together. There was no consensus and opinions varied widely which demonstrates why frumpy is one of those things that’s hard to describe, but you certainly know it when you see it.
If dressing and feeling frumpy is the terminal look no woman wants for herself, (and that certainly appears to be the case) what would or could cause you to feel frumpy?
Could another woman style a garment you think of as frumpy and make it look chic?
What role does your confidence play in appearing frumpy to others?
Does your size play a role in whether you feel or appear frumpy?
If you don’t feel frumpy, do you care if others see you as frumpy?
Please share your thoughts. Be kind and thoughtful in your comments because this is a sensitive topic for many of us.
I’ve read many of the comments above, and while most resonate with me with regards to how I define a “frumpy” appearance, I think it is really all about the rest of the picture. Do you smile? Do you walk with confidence and head held high? Are you physically clean? Is your hair brushed? Have you made any attempt at respecting yourself with how you’ve dressed? You can take the same baggy sweatshirt and put it on two different people — it’s frumpy on one and not the other. The frumpy one has most likely NOT “put on” good character as well as basic pride in her general appearance.
We never do know what struggles another woman is dealing with so should never judge. Sadly, it’s human nature to judge. I think many here are pointing out what appears frumpy to them. What matters most, is how we feel.
I can’t tell you how horrified I am reading the comments here. They sound so judgmental and not very empathetic. I do try to dress neatly and attractively because it does my mind and psyche good but my appearance doesn’t tell the whole story. Some of us are self conscious about physical features (my neck that I seem to have inherited from my father) and struggle with ways to dress in ways that make us comfortable with those features. Daily I deal with chronic disease and am often achy and stiff so I mostly dress for comfort and convenience. Most days no one sees me – I’m at home by myself except for the hour or two my husband and son are home in the evenings. I tend to not wear scarves or necklaces because they get in my way in my daily activities. I mostly don’t wear makeup. My skin is fragile and makeup irritates it. I use prescription eye drops to deal with a condition. I don’t wear eye makeup as liner and shadow irritate my eyes. I don’t wear mascara because the eye drops cause even waterproof mascara to run. I do get my lashes dyed and my brows waxed in an effort to be at least well groomed but my lashes are thin compared to my younger days. The daily things I deal with aren’t apparent when you look at me but I’m sure many of you would consider me to be frumpy. My situation has lead me to be a little slower to judge because you never know what the other person is dealing with.
I have seen more frumpy men than women. Frumpy to means not caring, stained and crumpled clothes. My friend (who I adore and don’t care what she looks like) always looks frumpy and doesn’t realise it. Her clothes are way too big and baggy because she thinks that hides the fat, she loves wearing tatty turtle neck tops under short sleeved shirts because she thinks it hides her red menopausal neck.
I think it’s all about how YOU feel. If you dress appropriately for the occasion and are in clothes you love, you’ll feel great. How can you be frumpy if you feel great about yourself??
Great point
How interesting. From the comments above frumpy in the U.S. seems to belong in the same family as sloppy and unpolished. In the U.K. it means dowdy and old-fashioned (whether smart or casual.) I’ve learned something today!
My mother was a fashionista before there was that word. She always told me that being appropriately dressed and well groomed was a sign of respect for others. It showed that you thought they were worth the effort. I was probably the only teenager in town whose mother asked them to put on makeup!
I am retired from a job that often required suits and heels. I seldom wear either now, but only an extreme emergency , i.e. at trip to the ER, excuses me from putting on makeup and styling my hair before leaving the house.
I find I feel better about life in general if I am looking neat and well put together. And a quick spray of Opium always cheers me up. You can be comfortable and still look tidy. Some people think casual means sloppy. To me, sloppy means lazy.
What do I think is frumpy? Pajama bottoms worn to the grocery store, work-out gear except at the gym, flip flops away from the beach, going out in rollers , chipped nail polish and clothes that obviously belong in the laundry.Keep it clean!
Frumpy is my late aunt in her printed house dress that she’d cinched with a plastic belt under her chunky knit cardigan sweater with snags on the elbows, finished off with her nude knee high trouser socks and her pink, dirty bedroom slippers. However, she loved everyone, did endless volunteer work for the church, and she made delicious fudge. I dress much better than she ever did, but she’s still my role model. When I see a “frumpy old lady” somewhere, it always brings back thoughts of her. How I miss her.
Funny, I just flew home…Frumpy was everywhere and very common on the passengers. So I see frumpy as skintight leggings that look like pantyhose with a top that doesn’t cover the bum, crewneck tee shirts with sayings, flip flops, velour running suits, sweatpants, and jersey shiny pants and shorts with side stripes and clunky athletic shoes. I don’t wear any of these things, much less as a traveler. I have felt frumpy when I put on jeans and a knit top has lost its shape and looks like I’m sponge bob square pants! I throw it into the give away pile.
I asked my daughter what she thought of and saw in her head when I said the word “frumpy”. She said a cat lady with big glasses in oversized knitwear that is beige and pink! I have two visions of frumpy. One is the person who seems to be wearing something they pulled out of a bag on the street. Meaning it is ill fitting, over or undersized, clompy shoes, messy hair and no makeup and made of some horrible material that doesn’t flatter anyone. The other is someone who might be put together and tidy, but looks like they are wearing all of their clothes and hairstyles from another era. It is fine to re-use and keep clothes from the past, but it is vital to keep some part of yourself looking fresh, whether that is your accessories, hairstyle or makeup. Recently, I had a leg injury and was forced to wear nothing but sneakers and wide legged pants to cover my leg brace for 5 months. I never felt so frumpy in all my life! I tried focusing on my hair and makeup and top half of my outfit and that seemed to help a bit by taking the focus off of the lower half. I don’t judge people for how they dress, because we never know what someone is experiencing and it may be that they are just happy to be out and alive, but it is true that first impressions are strong.
Frump doesn’t have an age ,gender , or economic level attacted to it, its a mindset. I was told many years ago, we had a beer pocketbook and champagne taste…yup and your point is? You cant count my money but you see my refection! I sparkle. My self image was not always the best. But with reading, watching, finding those i wanted to emulate > i grew,,and so can everyone. Self doubt is a terrible existence…grow, self confidence is weath. Sparkle, smile, respect, uplift, you never know what someone else is going through. Life is short, wear more cashmere, no old shoes, or dull lipstick….Sparkle! ????
Such words of wisdom … for over 50 years, I have hidden behind my clothes. I have little self confidence so I dress to blend in with the crowd. I want to look nice, but never “sparkle.” Life IS short, I need to learn to love myself and stop the self doubt! ????
We could all benefit from more self-love and sparkle. Throw that brighter lipstick on and smile.
I agree with the thought that big scarves are overwhelming to my short, fluffy self. I have started having the tailor cut mine in half and hem them. Then I send the extra half to my skinny, short daughter who also feels overwhelmed in wide scarves.
I think that frumpy is messy hair & clothes that don’t look like they fit. I have always dressed to please myself. I am 66 & stay fit by walking, Tia Chi, & light weights. My favorite clothes are jeans because I spend a lot of time outside & whenever I can with my Grands. I don’t want to worry about getting dirty or ripping them (they hold up to tough play). I never leave the house without lip gloss, eyeliner & mascara. I keep my very straight hair that is graying in stripes, cut in a bob at shoulder length. I wear a variety of styles but nothing stained, snagged, or faded. If it fits & you like, then wear it!
To me frumpy is looking like you just don’t care. Also I do think it goes with age and attitude, as young girls can put on jeans or leggings and tshirt and look cool, whereas an older woman can put on the same and look frumpy and old. Ill fitting, stained, and unkempt looks frumpy. I’m a plus sized lady, so fit and proportion is key – hopefully staying out of the frumpy range.
I agree that frumpy is about not caring. What I battle with are “mom” clothes or now “grandma” clothes. It seems items that fit my apple shape often fall into this category…not stylish, matchie matchie, and shapeless. I don’t want to look like that even though I am 67 (gasp). My coloring is flattered by lavender and mint, etc, but I feel like such a frumpy old lady when I wear those colors! One of the many reasons I treasure your blog is that we fall into the same broad category in terms of looks…similar size, coloring and features. You never look frumpy or like you are dressed in grandma clothes. Sometimes I literally copy your outfits because you are so very good at putting things together. Thank you!