An Honest Answer and Getting the Respect I Deserve
I finally have an answer to my continuing hip problems. From a doctor who didn’t discount me because of my age.
A little history…I tripped and had a bad fall at the end of May.
Sadly, I was given a wrong diagnosis by an emergency room doctor. After weeks with no improvement, I saw my primary care who suspected something more serious was happening and sent me for an MRI and bone density test. She was right. The tests showed my bone density was fine but I had cracked my femur in two spots and torn my cartilage.
She referred me to one of Stanford Hospitals leading Orthopedic Surgeons, specializing in hips. He refused to see or treat me, simply because I was over 50! That pissed me off no end!
He passed me off to a different Stanford Orthopedist who treated me negligently. He just honestly, didn’t care about me. After demanding attention and answers to questions he didn’t want to discuss, he politely told me to find another doctor. Thanks for that advice doctor. I took it and left.
Last month I found an Orthopedic Surgeon who actually cares. Which is sadly, a novel experience. Rather than standing in the examining room, he sat across from me and looked at me as I spoke. He studied at all my past test results. Then ordered some new ones to see how the break was healing. He told me he was going to be brutally honest. Which I thanked him for, because I’d been getting the runaround for six months.
The verdict is when I fell, I flattened the cartilage in my hip. Crushed it. Cartilage doesn’t just puff back up. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. I am virtually bone on bone and need a hip replacement.
I have to be honest. I’m scared of the surgery. It sounds more extensive than I’ve ever endured. Hell, my bunion surgeries were some of the most excruciating experiences in my life.
He’s given me a Cortisone shot to see how long we can control the pain. He is simply stunned that during this whole process no other doctor gave me one to help with the pain.
It doesn’t matter that I’m 59. This outcome would’ve happened at any age, from my fall. That’s a small relief. What matter’s about being 59 is that I had to fight to get the care I deserved. Too many doctors didn’t care because of my age.
I’m still annoyed at myself for tripping. Silly, I know. That’s why accidents are called accidents.
Did I mention the earlier Orthopedic Surgeon appeared to be in his 50’s? This one is young, sharp as a tack and caring. I joked with him that I’m now more confident with doctors who look like Doogie Howser than Marcus Welby M.D. I’m not sure he knew who Marcus Welby was. But he recognized the name, Doggie Howser.
So the moral here is be your own medical advocate. Demand answers. Insist you are taken seriously. Keep getting opinions until you find a doctor you feel totally confident has your best interests at heart.
Pam and I were on another blab this week talking about Style For The Woman Over 50. The replay is here if you’d like to listen or watch.
Style Your Day Beautifully,
Sorry I’m late to comment here. Just want to reassure you Jennifer, please don’t put off the surgery. You will do just great and be happy that you will be pain free. I had THR in both hips just two years ago. I was so scared to have it done, but had a good doc who was very kind and compassionate ( I was 63). I did visualization and positive affirmations a few weeks before surgery. I also recommend reading BoneSmart.com
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks for the good advice Karen! My inclination is to put it off as long as possible, but that’s probably not smart!!
Jennifer, my inclination for a spinal fusion (at age 63 yrs) was to ‘put it off’, but the truth is: you are now at peak condition, strength, and vitality. My neurosurgeon said some of his saddest cases were folks who put it off, then came in at age 75-80, and were ‘then’ ready to do something about it. Sorry, but the same result cannot be had “later”…..Do this for yourself while you are young, strong, and have the fortitude to do the rehab. You will get the very best result this way, and will have years and years and running around with a new hip!
Hi Jennifer. It is absolutely shocking how you were treated. Do you have options to complain or is it not worth the effort. My mother in her 80s has been treated better than that after a recent heart attack. Her heart consultant is sending her for a full body scan. It’s not his area as her heart is now fine with the stents but she needs to get to the bottom of recent illnesses that occurred.
At least you now know and it can be treated. I heard that hip replacements aren’t too onerous.
Take care of yourself
I am Hearing the same thing about hips Anna, so maybe I’ll be lucky. I will be complaining but don’t expect much outcome!!
Ahhhh – good for you! 59 and you’re too old to bother with? Heaven help us when we’re 60 something, god forbid we make it to our 70’s and we may as well dig the grave for the doctor if we need them at 80. What is wrong with some in the medical profession? The take away is that yes, it’s so important and essential to be our own best advocate. Push and push and ask and ask and research beforehand. It’s your life. It’s your quality of life. So glad you got answers, pain relief and a plan.
Glad that you are now receiving appropriate treatment. Be sure that if you receive a Press Ganey survey regarding your ineffective physician, fill it out. Surveys are very, very important and effect how physicians are compensated. Bad surveys are brought to their attention. That kind of treatment is unacceptable!
Stanford seldom so gives surveys but I’m planning to write several letters to the board at Stanford and the Dr himself.
I had a total hip replacement (THR) in 2013 at almost 65, after suffering with increasing pain for a year. Wish I had done it right away! I was transformed. Within two weeks I was able to go out for Mother’s Day dinner, was swimming in 6 weeks, and riding subways alone at three months. Now living a normal life getting in my 10000 steps a day most of the time.
There are several different ways to do the surgery. Find a doctor you trust and then let him/her do the approach he/she is best at doing. I found the site BoneSmart.org very useful to explore options, and the forums are a place to ask questions. Good luck.
Thank you Lee! I will check the site out. This Dr does the procedure from the front which he says has a much faster recovery. I’ve also heard of recalls on the replacement parts so wondering how I avoid that!!
Oh Jennifer!
Stanford doctors have a thing about the notion of “too many birthdays”. They said the same thing to my Great Aunt Emma. Most physicians in BIG UNIVERSITY hospitals are ruled by computers and statistics.
I lay low when it comes to my opinion of the direction of healthcare. It would require a ladder to stand atop my soapbox. Private “small business”, “caring” practices have been forced into the bigger healthcare systems, where one gets shuffled around. Most Docs near retirement age are bailing out. They don’t want a “system” to dictate how they practice.
I miss the family practitioner that took care of me as a young girl, a young woman, and delivered my two children. That man knew every inch of my being! He took the time needed to care for his patients. He always said . . . “If you take the time to listen, many times a patient will diagnose himself or herself.” He retired early in the late 90’s, the first time the government and it’s crony corporations intervened by instituting the “managed care” concept.
I am so relieved that you found a “listener”. . . a true care giver.
I have been told that foot surgery is much more painful than hip replacement surgery.
You are correct to encourage your readers to ask questions. There is nothing wrong with second, or as in your a case third opinion.
Do you mind if I ask, is your new doc in a private practice group of orthopods or is he in a system? Most orthopedic surgeons in our area have been able to stay independent.
Thank you for being an advocate for your readers as you share this journey.
I know you will keep us posted when the time for surgery arrives, so we may keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
I read a few of the comments above. You have a most brilliant following, ( I do . . . say. . . so . . . myself!) LOL ; )
~Lynne
w/L
I do have the most caring, brilliant followers. Yourself included. It makes be feel so fortunate.
My new Dr is independent as far as I know.
I admit I’m scared to have this operation but don’t have a choice!!
Xxx
Jennifer, I am so glad you found a doc who listens and cares about you. I’m 51 and had a total hip replacement last April. Best thing I ever did! No more pain! I had one cortisone shot that gave me pain relief for 3 weeks. Like you I was bone on bone, no cartilage. I’ve had a lot of different surgeries in my life and actually this hip replacement was one of the easiest to recover from. I highly recommend my surgeon at Duke in NC. He’s awesome as is his PA. I’m an RN and chose him after doing a ton of research. And he’s one who actually looks at you and listens. Email me if you’d like his contact info. Best of luck with your surgery and recovery!
Thank you so much for this Kim! My cortisone shot is already starting to wear off. And it’s only been 3 weeks!! You give me great hope that surgery will be easier than I’m anticipating. Thank you!!
Since I have spoken off and on with you through this journey, I am impressed how you have not let the it defeat you…sure you have been mad and sad and in pain but have not shut down. I know many who have been through hip replacement with great success and I believe you now have the help to get you there. Believe it will work…a hopeful attitude is a huge part of healing. Keep persevering…yes, it sucks that there are so many doctors who discount our age, but you still found one who was on your side.
I’m very fortunate to have found him. A positive attitude is critical. I’m
Working on it.
Unbelievable that it took so long to treat you. The Queen Mother had three hip replacements! She lived to 101 years. Imagine if she had found doctors stopped treating her at 59.
I am just mystified! I guess I’d be surprised if someone UNDER 50 needed a hip replaced!
Me too!! I think he only likes operating on young athletes so there is a virtually positive outcome.
I am appalled that an orthopedic surgeon refused to see you because you are over 50. On the other hand, that must make his case load much lighter! I wonder what will happen when he starts having prostrate trouble and can’t get anyone to see him because he’s over 50! Good for you for being your own advocate!!
Stay sassy and don’t take sh$t from anyone!!
Funny analogy Elizabeth! I’d bet he wouldn’t like it one little bit 🙂
Oh, my friend!
This distresses me no end, because it means there are lots of uninterested, quick-to-diagnose doctors out there, talking to women our age. It also means THEY ARE NOT PREDISPOSED TO HEAR OR BE INTERESTED IN US! I’m pissed-off for you!!
After 10 breast cancer surgeries–two crucial, live-saving ones I DEMANDED–and eight rounds of chemotherapy, I know from experience: We have to be our own advocate; don’t take “no” for an answer; listen to your little voice; don’t be intimidated by a physician, and continue to seek answers until you get one. Your life and well-being depends on it.
As far as hip surgery… The pain will eat away at you and you can’t take cortisone for very long. Talk about being bad for your bones and hips! Research, research, research… Find the absolute best surgeon–it doesn’t matter if he’s not in your town–get his opinion and the opinion of the next surgeon on your list. When you decide what your next step is, you plan and get ready so you emerge from surgery with the best possible outcome.
I’ve been doing self-hypnosis and Guided Imagery since 1987, the year my first husband died. A great hypnotherapist helps all kinds of patients prepare for surgery, maximize healing, addiction, chemo, etc. You name it. Thirty years later, I still do some form of self-hypnosis or Guided Imagery almost every day, because it works!
If I had enough room here, I’d tell you about the baffled anesthesiologist who couldn’t understand why he didn’t need to give me as much anesthesia as the surgeon required to keep me under for a six hour breast cancer surgery, or how quickly I healed from those 10 surgeries, including a total hysterectomy, 10 years before breast cancer, and chemo.
In your part of the country, there’s bound to be lots of hypnotherapists or guided imagery specialists–also hypnosis. Find them! They will make you a tape recording of your session to take with you. I listened to my tapes twice a day and before surgery, chemo, etc. It is amazing the power our mind has to help us–AS DOES THE RIGHT DOCTOR.
I have so many things to add, if you’re interested. Email me and let’s talk if you decide to have surgery. Self-hypnosis and Guided Imagery is one of the smartest things I ever did.
XOXOX,
Brenda
That fascinates me Brenda! I’m a firm believer that our minds have a strong influence on our health and our body. I will look into it!
XX
Hi Jennifer. I’m glad you finally found a doctor to listen and offer solutions. My 56 year old husband had a hip replacement earlier this year because he was also bone on bone & was in a lot of pain. He was also motivated to regain full mobility and did. His surgeon said he got great results in part because he was so “young”. Go figure.
I guess they consider 56 young!! Glad your husband did so well.
I had never considered that a doctor would refuse to treat a patient. They take the Hippocratic Oath. May your pain lessen and your worries ease. Sounds like you are in great hands. My friend Who is 70 had surgery on one hip one year and the other the following year and she is doing way better. It does work. Congrats on your perseverance.
So glad you got an answer and a treatment plan…but what an ordeal!
I’m so relieved you’re on the right path!
A friend who is 72 had both hips replaced two years ago. She can’t understand why she waited, and pushed her brother to stop complaining and go see her surgeon.
I’ve heard from friend who’ve had hip replacements that the healing is relatively straightforward and uneventful. On the other hand, knee replacements are still problematic, although after I fell and landed on my right knee (yes, owwch), I saw a knee surgeon who told me that knee replacements are getting less and less difficult and sometimes they don’t even need to replace the entire knee, which makes the healing less of a deal.
It is hard to find a doctor (male or female) who takes women seriously. There must be something in the training.
Well, you better go put a polish on your tap shoes, I expect great things of you!
Thanks so much Fred! Perhaps their trainig is more likely ingrained im out culture. It has to change.
Oh Jennifer. I am so happy that you found this guy. Unfortunately I know all too well about the age discrimination in the medical field. I have experienced it myself. I’m happy that you are calling attention to this because unless we talk about it those thoughtless doctors will just continue their BS. I’m trying to get up the courage to write letters to the doctors who wrote me off as hopeless and sent me out the door in pain. The Very Very Best of Luck to you. You know that we’ve all got your back or I guess I should say HIP!
We do all need to raise our voice of dissatisfaction and anger at being disregarded by the medical profession. That’s the only way we can effect change.
I also wanted to add that I hear good things from the people I’ve talked to who have had hip replacements. I think they are pretty successful, should you decide to do it.
First things first, those are super cute shoes! Where are they from?
I’ve been following along with your problem and I am glad you’ve found a doctor you can work with. I wouldn’t want a hip replacement either. I’m trying to put off a knee replacement myself, at age 50. Someone suggested looking into a stem cell procedure where they’re growing cartilage, or something like that. I don’t know if that is legit, haven’t really looked into it yet. I’ve been trying physical therapy to try to get some relief (the bad knee is causing me some hip and ankle pain) and I’ve learned some good stretches for my hips. I don’t know if that would help you get by a while longer, but maybe look into some physical therapy if you haven’t already. Best of luck to you.
Thanks so much Cate!
Jennifer, I’m so happy you found a doctor that is a positive force for healing. I am, like the others, sad to hear it took so much effort to find him. I wish you all the strength and grace you need for what lies ahead. Your dedication to finding answers and taking good care of yourself sets a good example for all of us and will be rewarded. Thank you for your blog. I appreciate that you share the ups and downs of your life. It is encouragement for the rest of us to realize we all need support and connection. Wishing you the best.
Thank you so much Deb. Your support and encouragement mean the world to me.