The Importance Of What You Wear In Midlife And Why It Matters
Do clothes make the woman? Some would argue that what we wear is unimportant and our interest in discussing fashion is shallow. Attempting to trivialize the fashion struggles of women over 50 is not only uninformed but also naive because what we wear can make or break our confidence, which makes it worthy of discussion.
We have lots of new readers, so I’m republishing a post that many of you may not have read. I think it’s an important topic that needs to be discussed.
Clothes can be a shield we use to get through challenging times, but more importantly, they tell the world who we are. Whether we like it or not, we’re judged by our appearance, and the clothes we wear matter.
Look sloppy, and people may decide you’re careless and have little respect for details or yourself. Wear overly revealing clothes, and you may be seen as inappropriate or desperate. Wear flamboyant colors and you may be seen as carefree or loud. The upshot is that we are judged by our appearance so managing our image is important.
Women over 50 often struggle with feeling invisible. How we dress is a powerful tool to combat that lack of visibility by restoring our feelings of power and control.
Our generation has a challenge with fashion that earlier ones didn’t. My grandmother never struggled with what to put on in the morning. She wore her printed house dresses at home and dressed up to leave the house. There was no question about whether she should wear a T-shirt and jeans or a dress with stockings and sensible shoes. There were fewer options because there were unspoken rules.
Our generation doesn’t want to follow fashion rules unless they can use them as tools to dress with confidence. We want to make our own choices and dress to express ourselves. This freedom is welcome, but it can also leave many women unsure about what’s appropriate. With so many options to choose from, she needs a clear vision of the message she wants her clothes to send.
An open discussion about fashion and image is helpful for many women over 50. Does that make us frivolous? No, it makes us curious, intelligent women. To imply these conversations are unnecessary is to belittle the struggle many women face each morning.
Have you ever felt invisible? I’d love to hear your thoughts. What are you struggling with?
Agreed on all counts! What we wear is an extension of ourselves and I don’t believe it is a frivolous and shallow obsession.
You sure did nail it, Jennifer! The older we get the more invisible we can become.
Loved the blog!
Hi, I’ve been mulling over your comment about those who
“Wear flamboyant colors . . . may be seen as carefree or loud.” As a Winter, I wear bright colors and prints. I live in Chicago where it’s cold, snowy and dark nearly until May. I don’t want to wear and I don’t look good in muted colors and I certainly don’t think as myself as loud. Isn’t there room for us brights?
Of course there is. You’re never missed when wearing bright colors which is fun.
This is so on target, Jennifer. While I was working, I dressed professionally to feel good about myself and give me confidence. For one work setting in particular, I wondered if I was appointed to some leadership opportunities and responsibilities because I looked more professional than some of my colleagues, who I knew were just as competent as I was.
Now that I am retired, I still want to dress well to express my personal style, to not be invisible, and because I just love clothes! It is part of who I am. Your blog has helped me hone my personal style and preferences so that I actually am spending less money and make fewer purchases that I end up regretting. It is not shallow to want to look good and feel confident. It is smart to acknowledge how much everyone makes assessments of people based on appearance, and to realize that our appearance reflects AND influences how we feel about ourselves.
You’re so right! I’m sure you did get opportunities in the workplace because of your appearance. The same happens in everyday life. Thanks for sharing Ruth.
Great topic. I am older than most of those commenting and you too, Jennifer. I have only felt invisible once, 10 years ago. Because of the nature of the gathering, I let it slide and remained invisible throughout. But, that’s not my nature; I’m petite lady with a BIG personality. I have lots to say, lots to contribute and know no strangers. When you write about neutrals, I often comment that there’s nothing neutral about me. If I’m wearing neutrals, there’s something exciting going on with pattern, texture or fabric. I love clothes though I’m most often in workout or outdoor attire. Just today, at the gym, someone commented on how nice I looked at an event months ago! YES, clothes matter…..make that statement, wear what makes you happy and who cares what others think!
Thanks for sharing Thérèse! I fell like a small person with a big personality too!
Janet said what I was thinking: If I put the effort in, I’m more visible which boosts my confidence. Me too and I’m turning 80 in a month! We as women need all of the tools in our kit to express who we really are and even as a great grandmother I’m sure not everyone’s grandmother and dear would send me from zero to full on flames in a heartbeat. I love what you do Jennifer and feel that you have helped me tremendously with my clothing choices. Today’s blog has been very interesting and lots of great comments too.
You are very right with your comments and today I read an article on older women in the Ethel post and it talked about how older women are sporting pink, blue and other hair colors as well as nail colors that match. They will not be invisible. Caring about your appearance and wanting to look classic or up to date doesn’t stop either. Thank you for your posts because they help explain what I am feeling.
It’s been a bit of a struggle as I age. My work as a costume designer and maker kinda even makes it more interesting and important to me. Don’t want to be to “artistic” as to look foolish, but don’t want to be to “blendy” as to disappear. And at 70, there’s the added issue of age, and yes, there always seems to be that hovering feeling of ageism, especially when hiring for a project. I love reading your advice and ideas, as I want to stay current and appropriate. Sometimes in my field, younger folks seem to think anything goes for any activity. Maybe I’m still old school, but to me, there’s a time and a place and a level of propriety. I never want to seem offensive, off putting or rude to others, neither do I want be remembered as that crazy woman so flamboyant or not remembered at all. Fashion and style does matter, like it or not, it says a lot about who you are, how you see the world and how others see it don’t see you. It’s not a trivial thing.
It’s one of the things I research in my work to get characters right for our actors. What they wear makes such an impact in the show.
Your comment is so rich with ideas to unpack! I love it Kathleen, thank you. Your work sounds fascinating!!
Critical people are such a joy 😂…. Seriously, yes clothing matters! If you look like you care enough to make an effort, it affects how people treat you. No, we’re not solving world problems, but taking care of ourselves is very important. I happen to love clothes and I know what I like for myself. But if I see a woman wearing something I wouldn’t wear, I still can appreciate that it looks good on her. And I will compliment her, because that always makes a person feel good.
Bravo Lisa! I love your attitude
Perhaps the most important thing to remember about not being or feeling invisible is that we each need to be courteous and aware of those around us. (I am sure you all are!) We never know what someone is going through (in times past, mourning dress signaled to one and all that someone was grieving. It also very much limited socializing for that person). I am not sure there is a way to telegraph , “I see you” except by courtesy and a smile. Personally, I love fashion and hope I always will. Your blog is a blessing to all of us. If I worked daily on a farm, I would still try to be fashionable–within reason. Hats off to all of us for making the effort. And thank you, Jennifer!
Thank you Mary!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Jennifer. I’ve been following your blog for a few years now. It has helped me make more intentional choices about what to wear and buy, especially since my retirement last year. I’m slowly transitioning from work clothes to everyday clothes that I feel great wearing.
Thanks for being part of our community Debbie
I have a passion for fashion and pay attention to it for that reason. I have always loved clothes, but it wasn’t until maybe 5 years ago I started following you and other bloggers, just to get ideas on how to put outfits together. I’ve learned a lot!
Recently, having had some pictures taken on vacation, and also going out to lunch with friends, people noticed what I had on and used the word “stunning!” I don’t feel invisible when I’m paying attention to what I put together, but first and foremost I have to please myself. Then, I think confidence and attitude happen and people notice, no matter what your age!
I agree Nancy! They do notice.
This is a good reinforcement of your first post on this topic. There are days we don’t care how we look to do various chores -supermarket, errands, etc and other days we might care about it, so I just give myself permission not to always have to look my best if I think it doesn’t matter at that time! But if going anyplace important to me, I try to look as good as I can. On recent flights across the country, I noticed how AWFUL some women were dressed…of all ages, but especially “older” ones. …like they just rolled out of bed wearing sweatpants and flipflops and graphic tee shirts! “Athleisure” is ok if done stylishly; I often wear casual/ athleisure pants and jacket to travel, but with a scarf, some makeup, neat hair, etc. I’ve read that flight attendants, size up passengers as they board. I’d like to think it makes a difference, (especially if you want to enter the airline “club”) but we’ll never know- just know that I feel better looking “put-together!
On another note, I noticed the photo of you in the leopard boots with grey sweater and a scarf. With either my leopard pumps or flats, I always feel that a scarf with a print won’t coordinate well! Can you please give some tips on how to match leopard print shoes with printed scarves?? Hopefully other readers would like to learn these tips as much as I do! Thank you!…
P.S. Is there a way to get an email with your response, rather than having to go back into this post and look for it? That would be great if there were!
I think of lepard print as a neutral but I hear you about combining patterns. I think if you look in the mirror and squint as you look at your outfit you’ll be able to tell if it’s too much or just right.
Thank You for reinforcing a given fact. Clothes can make us more confident and ready to face the world. I know I feel different in various outfits, and have cleaned out my closet of anything that makes me feel less than wonderful…since doing this, I get more compliments, which does boost my confidence. Being retired I do have more leeway in my clothes, I like casual chic. I read your blog every day and since we are close in age, I love your style tips….your pic with the gorgeous coat and hat is spot on…..I also follow Pam Lutrell, she has a good eye for fashion also….
ps….thank you for highlighting the burgundy Quince v-neck sweater, it just arrived and the color is gorgeous..wearing it to an event on Sunday
Here Here! At 76, I have never stopped caring about fashion and style! I think it is important to dress in a current and modern way. It keeps you young and gives you confidence. How you dress and present yourself makes an important first impression. And … wearing new clothes or putting together older clothing in a new fresh way … makes me happy! 😊
Yes as somebody said earlier, Jennifer you nailed this topic! Women who fail to even try to dress with confidence often have every excuse. I feel badly for them to a point. Calling YOU shallow irritates me to no end!
You’ve been an inspiration to so many!
Thanks for being part of our community, Paulette!
I often wish fashion didn’t matter but my reality says it does. I dress to say here I am, I am a vital part of this world, I matter! I can see variations in customer service based in how I am dressed. I drop into the mall in my work clothes and sales people are jumping to help me, I do not get the same treatment when I go dressed down unless I have done full hair and makeup and ensured my clothes are very stylish. A little effort helps with the over 50 invisibility problem! Thank you for addressing this issue!
It’s so very true! Thanks for sharing your thoughts Catherine.
Great article Jennifer and I totally agree with you. Thanks to my Mother and Father, and their standards of dress before leaving the house, I’ve always been very aware of what I’m wearing and how I’m presenting myself. Confidence and pride!
Pride is a wonderful adjective for this!
When I was vacationing in Italy, I would see beautifully dressed women, I would never think to call them “dear”…
I could see the thoughtful presentation they had curated, which spoke of respect.
What we wear , or how we present ourselves, can illicit different responses, something to consider…
Great point!
I agree with everyone who is saying that clothes can be an important form of self-expression and are therefore can be an integral part of who we are,how we feel about ourselves, and how we interact with the world. Color, form, line, texture are all a joy to explore and play with. I have an additional, slightly different, take. I think this criticism is a strong, if subtle, message that surrounds us on a daily basis. But I don’t think one’s interest in fashion, or anything, needs to be defended. I believe it is only because an interest in fashion has recently (althought not historically) been associated more with women than with men that it is open to this level of criticism. This receives a lot more scrutiny than the amount of time, money and attention paid to typical “men’s” areas of interest, like sports. This criticism is another venue for male/societal control of women. On the one hand, men feel entitled to judge women for what they wear, with the attached labels of hot girl, slut, professional woman, soccer mom, old hag, while at the same time criticizing them for being interested in something “frivolous.” Some may feel I’m making a feminist mountain out of a mole hill. But I think this strikes a nerve in most women and the other comments here would support that. If it strikes a nerve like that, then it is important and has real meaning. Oh, and I know some will want to point out that the original criticism came from a woman and not from a man. I would guide you to a definition of ‘internalized misogyny’. Sorry, not sorry, to get heavy, but these days I just can’t let this stuff slip by without comment. I really enjoy your blog and think you should only feel pride in your creation.
Thank you for sharing Ellen. Your point is a very important one. I can’t let that stuff “slide” either because it seriously pisses me off! I hope to empower women to fell confident enough not accept feeling invisible.