What are you afraid of?
The dark?
Cramped spaces?
Getting old?
Getting sick?
Falling down?
Spiders?
Mice?
Being the victim of a crime?
The list is endless. But are they really fears or worries?
To me real fear is more serious than the worries I’ve listed above, but those do all concern me.
My fear is deeper.
It’s a fear many deny having.
May not know they have.
It’s the fear of our “social face” slipping. Our ego. How we want the world to see us.
What if we’re embarrassed and found to be lacking?
Maybe it’s just me, but I doubt it.
I think most of us are afraid of being criticized for who we really are. I think most people are beige-ing themselves down so they don’t stand out. Don’t make waves.
Because if we don’t…we’re vulnerable. Vulnerable to criticism. Vulnerability is scary.
It’s really tough to put one’s true self out there. In this online world, when you have a public presence larger than friends and family, you’re even more vulnerable.
We may start expressing ourselves honestly. But as we brush against subtle criticisms and disapproval, we’re slowly conditioned to go with the flow. Not be original.
Now perhaps everyone doesn’t want to be original. They’re more comfortable just being one of the crowd.
I’m not, but I think I’ve been stripping the real me out of this blog. I’m worried I’ve been beige-ing myself down because I’m afraid the real me, may offend or not measure up. (I say beige-ing is a word:)
WTF is that about Jennifer? At 59, that’s a pretty dumb thing to do. Life is too short to worry about what the “popular kids” think. Isn’t it?
So how about you? What are you afraid of?
Style Your Day Beautifully,
Great post. I’ve survived some pretty universal fears so the rest of my years are living boldly. I’m glad we are getting to see “the real you.” The world does not need more beige!
Maybe I’m reading this from a different (self-)perspective, but my reaction to beige-ing (which I LOVE) has to do with the immediacy and reactive nature of the Internet. Comments/observations can easily be yanked out of context and go viral. Doesn’t take much for an ironic joke to get a new life as an example of bigoted, etc., nastiness.
We seem to have lost the art of diplomacy, consideration of alternate views, and courtesy when interacting with each other — especially on line. It scares me, frankly, when I hear about our colleges and universities denying their students an opportunity to hear and perhaps understand positions outside of their own “box.”
I’ve read thoughtful, well-reasoned questions — often with concerns about how they’ll be taken by the readership — that are attacked virulently for a word or even the question framing the post.
As an editor, it’s my job to search out and fix bits of writing, dive my opinion about whether the work makes sense and is clearly stated. I may refuse to deal with it, if I’m so offended by the piece. That is my choice.
If I don’t want to read more of it, for whatever reason, so be it. It is not my job to be the world’s censor. As much as I’d dearly love to be able to read newspapers, blogs, etc., and think I’ve gotten a fair and balanced view of a subject, it’s been years since I believed that’s the case.
When someone writes a blog, it should be up to that person to decide what’s important, feel free enough to share, and not be kicked for every off-step someone doesn’t agree with.
Really – if I don’t like the content or approach, I walk away. I don’t demand that the blogger change her approach, apologize for an opinion, or otherwise tailor it to meet my standards. I have no ownership of the blogs I read, and try my best to give thoughtful replies when so moved. Offering corrections, like misspelling of a key word, can be useful. A tirade about it is tedious and disrespectful.
Brava for your courage to put yourself out there, knowing “there be dragons” on the other side of the line. And, yes, I’m not putting my full name here, because I’ve had to deal with a stalker of sorts in the past. Not worth the aggravation.
Please know that many people read without commenting because they don’t want to get caught up in the circus.
Beige-ing to me is watering down my message, trying not to offend the hypersensitive souls. It’s giving them more power than they have earned to influence what’s out there. It’s a serious problem to feel unsafe to be yourself in this type of environment.
Apologies if I let myself go overboard on an aspect you and your repliers didn’t intend. I may be exhibiting the same behavior I loathe.
Wonderful thoughtful post my dear! You have way to much to give … to be beiging yourself down! I actually believe … when we do that … our extra energy and authenticity … gets turned inward into a spiraling depression … at least it does for me!
The way I see it … life is far to short to be concerned about others opinions of us! Napolean Hill’s quote “Opinions are the cheapest commodity on earth , everybody has them”. For me … I battle my own critical voice … so the opinions of others aren’t my business … as long as I know I am living my life with integrity and doing the best I can … with what I have at the time.
I am excited to see where your new insight leads my dear! You are fabulous … with so much to offer! I look forward to seeing this new chapter you are writing!
xox
Tamera
I am most afraid of bad reviews, of slipping up at work, at the idea that people will think I am not good enough. You know how you can do 10 things right, but if you do one thing wrong, that’s all you can think about? For me, I am impatient, and sometimes this has caused problems, and when I can’t seem to improve, I fear that I never will. Sigh. Fear can sure be a crippling thing. xx Nancy
I’ve always felt pretty comfortable in my own skin, but lately, now that my children are grown and have children of their own, I’m realizing I don’t have as many friends as I’d like.
My biggest fear is being old alone.
Reading this has made me see that I have the opposite problem from most – I’m a bit too colorful!
From now on, I will try to be more beige.
Hi Jennifer, Great word! Our lives have been shaped by what other people think! I’m so sick of it, I know, I have feared what people will think of me, I think everyone has. Recently I was looking at my face in the mirror and noticed my eyelids were quite droopy! I felt panic, my goodness, it was a real shock! The good thing is, the droopiness has gone now, thank goodness, I was really tired at the time. But, yes, our ego does take over sometimes. Why we let it take over our feelings, I don’t know. Some of the most wonderful people I know, I just love because they’re beautiful people,not because of how they look. xxxx Much love, xx Coty
Oh where do I begin??? Lately I seem to stress about even the small stuff. When your hubby tells you “to chill” that isn’t a good thing! I wish I could just roll with things like he does. And he has a lot on his plate right now.
Lately I’m probably in the “fear of getting old” stage…we just went to dinner with good friends on Sat. and we are both in the midst of helping out our aging parents. (my in-laws, her mom) I think when you are seeing and dealing with it head on, and your friends are in the same boat, it makes you think…too much! I have an only child and do not want to burden her when I’m old. We talk about moving some years down the road to an area where we can walk to the store, etc. and hopefully live closer to my friends because I know being social is important as you age. Right now where we live we have to drive everywhere.
I like your comment about “beige-ing down”. I don’t need to around my close friends or family but I have to be careful when I’m around people that are acquaintances or that I don’t know all that well. Especially if I have consumed a glass of wine or two! 😉
Linda
“beige-ing” è curioso vedere come certi colori possano esprimere stati d’animo e paure; non avevo pensato a questo. Grazie per lo spunto di riflessione. Ciao a presto.
Jennifer,
Like many others, I love this new word of yours, beige-ing! I think I’ve just gone through a very beige period, to be honest. Fortunately I started digging around for the real me and unearthed her, which means I’m ready to show her off a bit more too.
However, I feel like there are so many different pieces to me; I love the city but I also feel at home out in the country, on the land. I love to lounge – rainy days and movie marathons are my favourite, but I also like to seek out adventure. I love nice restaurants but also camping and camp fires, I love tattoos but I also like to think I’m quite classy. What scares me is that if I show all of these pieces of myself at once (plus the more complex ones), then perhaps people won’t find something they can relate to, so I only let one or two parts show at a time, depending on who I happen to be with.
I want to feel confident showing all of myself rather than feeling the need to hide certain aspects away.
Gorgeous pic, I must add!
Esther xx
Brava for you! Yes, be who you really are. As Oscar Wilde so eloquently said… “be yourself… everyone else is taken”. And I don’t think you have anything at all to fear!
xxx, pamela
Don’t beige out! I fear life threatening disease but since I can’t do anything about it but live healthfully with a stronger emphasis on happiness.