Monday Musings On Aging (Naturally?) and the Fear Of Looking Older
A reader shared that recently someone told her a brand she loved was “just for old people.” It wasn’t said harshly… just tossed out like a neutral observation. But it stuck with her, the way those comments sometimes do. And it got me thinking: why does that phrase carry so much weight? Why is it so often code for outdated, unflattering, or past your prime?
Fear of Looking Old
When did being older start disqualifying us from liking something or somehow make it uncool just by association?
We’re the ones with decades of lived experience, a clearer sense of what works, and often, the budget to skip the cheap mistakes. We know what’s worth it… and what causes blisters by lunchtime. But the moment something gets labeled as “for older women,” it’s often brushed off like it’s lost all style credibility.
It’s not really about the clothes. It’s about how aging still gets framed, especially for women, as something to downplay. We’re encouraged to look youthful, stay relevant, and quietly disappear at the same time. It’s a lot of mixed messaging for someone just trying to buy a pair of comfortable sneakers.
The funny thing is, most of us are dressing better now than we did at thirty. We’ve stopped squeezing into things that don’t fit, we skip the heels that require backup footwear, and we’ve made peace with our need for breathable fabrics. If that’s what “dressing like an older woman” means… then frankly, more people should try it.
Pantone Color Of The Year
Pantone named Cloud Dancer as the 2026 Color of the Year, and the internet promptly lost its mind.
It’s a soft, billowy white with just the right balance of warm and cool undertones. Peaceful, clean, and intentionally uneventful. But apparently, that was too much for some people. They wanted bold, and well, colorful. They wanted something with impact. Instead, they got serenity in a paint chip.
But Pantone doesn’t just throw darts at a color wheel. Each year, they choose something that reflects the zeitgeist or mood of the moment. And let’s be honest, the moment we’re in is noisy, overstimulating, and a little too loud in every direction.
So Cloud Dancer was chosen as an invitation to pause and reset. It’s not trying to dazzle anyone. It’s offering space to breathe.
And I like it. I’m always looking for calm in this crazy world…and not just in my wardrobe.
Of course, the fashion crowd (bloggers included) will now start linking every ivory sweater as “Cloud Dancer adjacent,” but the truth is, these shades take time to trickle into stores. So skip the search and go with the feeling instead: simple, soft, and not in a rush.
Aging Gracefully
A kind reader shared that at 66, she’s felt pressure to try Botox and fillers, but has chosen not to. She described herself as aging naturally, and gently asked if I might share my own philosophy around that choice.
First, I want to say how much I appreciated her message…not just the kind assumption, but the honesty behind it. There’s something deeply vulnerable about admitting you’ve felt pressure, and even more powerful about standing in your choice anyway.
It also brought up a larger question I think many of us are quietly navigating:
What does it actually mean to “age naturally”?
Does it mean skipping procedures? Not wearing makeup? Avoiding hair color or skin care products with strong claims? Or does it simply mean aging in a way that feels aligned with who you are?
Personally, I don’t see aging naturally as a fixed definition. I see it as an internal compass that helps you decide what feels supportive, not performative. Some women feel best letting every wrinkle show. Others feel more at ease with a little help. And many of us land somewhere in between, depending on the season or the mirror or the lighting in the fitting room.
To me, the philosophy isn’t about what we do or don’t do…it’s about why we do it.
If a decision comes from a place of shame, fear, or pressure to keep up, it’s worth pausing. But if it helps you move through the world with confidence, clarity, or just a bit more ease, then I think that’s a perfectly valid part of aging too.
We don’t owe anyone a particular version of what “natural” looks like. We owe ourselves the permission to age in a way that feels real, kind, and authentically us.
What does aging naturally mean to you?
I think of aging as feeling and looking my best self. When I go out the door I want to feel ready to do what needs to be done. I, personally, feel better when I have taken the time to pull together my look. That means nice looking hair, a bit of makeup and intentional dressing. With those things in place I feel confident and ready to conquer the day😃 and from there I don’t think about my age at all…unless my feet begin to scream at me😂
Dear Jennifer – I feel like you were reading my mind. At 67, I’ve been thinking a great deal about aging and how it’s affected my self-image. I’ve been resistant to intervention treatments, but have started to think about a neck lift and eye lid surgery as things have started drooping. My big concern is looking rigid and phony. I hate that plastic look. I have no idea how to find someone to trust to do low key and natural looking procedures. I’ve heard horror stories of people getting addicted to treatment after treatment. If you have any suggestions for finding a trusted professional, I would appreciate your guidance.
I would start asking around for recommendations. The people who look like they’ve had work done, would not be a good source, so I agree…it’s hard to find. You could start by asking your dermatologist and go from there.
When I was thinking about finding someone to do a little work, and I do mean a LITTLE work, I asked my regular doctor who his wife would go to! And, he recommended someone that I really liked and there was no pressure! Just thought you might want to know how I found my doctor! Good luck!!
Brilliant idea Nikki
I saw my ophthalmologist who does eyelid surgery along with the usual things such as cataracts. When I asked about my droopy lids at outside corners of eyelids, he said sometimes a stitch or two above end of eyebrow in scalp region better to do. Good luck with your search.
Thanks for sharing that Susan! I had no idea.
For me, aging naturally means letting go of the things that don’t serve you and embracing the things that brings you happiness and peace. Everyone’s journey is different…
I love that description.
This is my description exactly, Patty! I couldn’t have said it better.
What a great definition!
I’m 67 and “old people’ comments make the talker look rude. At this stage I don’t care about opinions. I’m comfortable in my own skin.
Beautiful thoughts! Thank you!
Good day Jennifer ,thank you for your article about aging I liked your point of view. As for me I am a vintage large of 74 and are happy with who I am . I have not used, bottoms, fillers, eyebrow tattoos or lip injections . And would not like to do that . I think if you are happy in your life you will accept your age , you should be content with your children and grandchildren and enjoy many pleasures what life can offer you if only you see it .
Dress in your favorite colours and clothes , smell good, put on a nice scarf and have a nice supper somewhere or just go out and have a nice cappuccino somewhere,look at all the Xmas decorations in the malls and feel blessed that you are healthy and you appreciate life all together it’s an attitude of seeing the beauty all around you that makes
you accept your age and came this far even with all the struggles you had in the past . Enjoy the age you have tight moe and make everyday a special one for yourself .
Hello Jennifer,
I am one of your Canadian readers. I, too, have sun related age spots along my jawline on both sides of my face and they drive me crazy! I took a look at the skin renewal set (Mother Science) that you mentioned in your blog this morning. Unfortunately this company only ships their products within the US, so that leaves us Canadians without that option. If you or any of your readers could recommend another skin care company that specifically targets age spot problems and would also be available to Canadians, I would love to hear about it. Many thanks! I read your blog everyday! Keep up the good work! Lynn K.
I know RX creams are very effective for it so you could ask your Dr for Hydroquinone cream which works very well.
This is one of the lines sold at my dermatologist’s office.
https://zoskinhealth.ca/
I’m 57 and ZO is my favorite!
To me ageing naturally means just that. No hair dye, fillers, botox, face lifts etc – just let nature take its course. But, like ‘natural’ child birth this approach can be painful and one that I have eschewed. Have not had a face lift, but certainly have fillers, botox and dye my hair. But, there comes a time (which I am approaching), where the fillers are not as effective and the hair colour becomes much higher maintenance. Not sure when that time will be though. As for clothes, I was much better dressed in my 30s, as I had a more glam lifestyle and my weight was 48kgs, so everything looked good. These days, it is more about clothes hiding a multitude of problems and shoes not hurting. The one good thing about ageing (apart from not being dead), is really not caring terribly much what other people think.
I could not agree more! I was begging for an epidural after 23 hours of labor. I love your attitude. Thanks for sharing.
You are right, aging naturally feels different from woman to woman. I am 66 and for me lines are no problem but I do not feel good with grey hair,although I like the look at other women.
Thank you for your writings, you are honest and authentical and I offen find valuable advice.
I have chosen to let every smile-worry line show. My big 3 are
retinol, vitamin c and sunscreen. Derm checks every year. Dress in what makes me feel good. Shoes have definitely changed from fun
to things a platypus could wear!! Find peace in who you are it is beautiful.
Funny you should mention shoes. Mine are changing too!
What an interesting question! My mind weirdly translated aging naturally to aging gracefully. I don’t know if it’s just me, but gracefully and naturally convey two very different things. Aging naturally conjures up (for me) a vision of a woman with no makeup, no hair coloring, no anti aging treatments or pills, and no extra effort made to do anything other than just live their lives! I assume this imaginary woman lives a very rural lifestyle. I think of this woman as a bit counter-cultural and confident and centered. However, so much of what constitutes aging naturally within the US is location specific! Maybe it’s more that it is so incredibly cultural, using a broad definition of culture. Most of my fellow city dwelling friends are focused on menopause health right now and overall fitness. My friends color their hair, wear makeup, and dress with at least a nod to current styles. A few people I’m friends with have used Botox and quite a few get facials and some more intense skin treatments. Most of our discussions about aging are now about HRT, existential stress, and how tired we all are.. I think many of us would try more anti aging interventions if they were not so time consuming and expensive. We also laugh about aging quite a bit. But we do see women around us with faces that have been dramatically altered through serious plastic surgery. I don’t think anyone would think they look younger, but clearly they believe they look better. I sometimes wonder what do they think of us?
Thanks for your comment Anne. I do think location plays a role in the societal pressures some women feel about this. I can totally see the woman you describe!
I enjoy your articles daily.
Aging gracefully is being oneself and feeling confident in whatever choices one makes be it botox, hair color, or more.
I, personally, am not yet ready to be “gray grandma,” so I keep my hair highlighted and love it.
It’s also a matter of being as active as one is able. I have 7 grandchildren, and I try to keep up with their many and varied activities from sports to marching band to college visitations. I love it!!!! I try to remain healthy and looking good
So that I can continue to do this.
Open heart surgery at 78 slowed me down a bit last year, but I’m back better than ever (thanks to incredible doctors and nurses)and plan to stay that way as long as I can.
Age is largely a frame of mind. One should do what she can as long as she can with a smile and a grateful heart.
I prefer “aging gracefully” as it covers what makes sense to that person and suggests a kindness to ourselves and others. 🙂
Honestly this is such a charged topic as women get so many mixed messages about aging and looks. I’m not a fan of Botox or fillers or procedures because I think they look so fake. But I do still color my hair and wear makeup as I’m still in the workforce and have experienced age discrimination and comments about being old. It’s difficult as it’s so personal and really up to each person individually as to what makes them feel confident and happy. I say “you do you!”
Age discrimination makes me so angry! I’m sorry you have to deal with it. Surprising, I do in the blogging world as well. Brands would much rather hire a woman in her 40s than 60s.
I too give myself permission to be me. 85 a little poochie, a lot of energy a few silver hairs, a few twinkles on my face. ( wrinkles are on clothes). I enjoy life to the fullest. I still dress comfortable, I love color. I will not let that old lady in. Thank you Jennifer for all you do to inspire me.
Wonderful attitude!
Twinkles! ❤️
I think people should do whatever they feel regarding aging. If you want botox, etc., go for it and vice versa. In my opinion it is rude and disrespectful to say anything derogatory to anyone about their appearance. I am 71 and with age, freedom to not care what someone thinks of me is liberating. Mama always said, ‘if you can’t say something nice then keep your mouth shut.’ More people should adhere to this. Kindness is free.
I agree.
People who comment about “old” may be privileged to get there someday, perhaps not. Better to recognize and appreciate all that mature people can offer, not show immaturity by thinking in such a way, and verbalizing it to hurt others. I loved my mother’s wrinkles, especially when she smiled. A wonderful memory.
Such a great post- I am almost week out from 67, and I have finally learned to embrace my time in life and age ‘naturally’. What that means to me is loving my white hair, my wrinkles and crepey skin. I have earned these and have so much life left in me!
Thank you for these observations and the invitation to discuss. I’ve never worn makeup and I’m not going to start now (63.5). I do wear a bit of Burt’s.Bees lip color for special occasions but … what they see is what they get! My dishwater blonde hair has turned grey, and I like it. I’d like to find a better casual style but as I have two more years of work, I’m just “hanging in there” until I can really experiment with my style. And you are giving me lots of ideas. Thank you!
I just saw comedian Fran Leobwitz (sp.) and she said there are three looks – young, old and surgical!!!! I’m still laughing! I’ll take old✅