Monday Musings On Aging (Naturally?) and the Fear Of Looking Older
A reader shared that recently someone told her a brand she loved was “just for old people.” It wasn’t said harshly… just tossed out like a neutral observation. But it stuck with her, the way those comments sometimes do. And it got me thinking: why does that phrase carry so much weight? Why is it so often code for outdated, unflattering, or past your prime?
Fear of Looking Old
When did being older start disqualifying us from liking something or somehow make it uncool just by association?
We’re the ones with decades of lived experience, a clearer sense of what works, and often, the budget to skip the cheap mistakes. We know what’s worth it… and what causes blisters by lunchtime. But the moment something gets labeled as “for older women,” it’s often brushed off like it’s lost all style credibility.
It’s not really about the clothes. It’s about how aging still gets framed, especially for women, as something to downplay. We’re encouraged to look youthful, stay relevant, and quietly disappear at the same time. It’s a lot of mixed messaging for someone just trying to buy a pair of comfortable sneakers.
The funny thing is, most of us are dressing better now than we did at thirty. We’ve stopped squeezing into things that don’t fit, we skip the heels that require backup footwear, and we’ve made peace with our need for breathable fabrics. If that’s what “dressing like an older woman” means… then frankly, more people should try it.
Pantone Color Of The Year
Pantone named Cloud Dancer as the 2026 Color of the Year, and the internet promptly lost its mind.
It’s a soft, billowy white with just the right balance of warm and cool undertones. Peaceful, clean, and intentionally uneventful. But apparently, that was too much for some people. They wanted bold, and well, colorful. They wanted something with impact. Instead, they got serenity in a paint chip.
But Pantone doesn’t just throw darts at a color wheel. Each year, they choose something that reflects the zeitgeist or mood of the moment. And let’s be honest, the moment we’re in is noisy, overstimulating, and a little too loud in every direction.
So Cloud Dancer was chosen as an invitation to pause and reset. It’s not trying to dazzle anyone. It’s offering space to breathe.
And I like it. I’m always looking for calm in this crazy world…and not just in my wardrobe.
Of course, the fashion crowd (bloggers included) will now start linking every ivory sweater as “Cloud Dancer adjacent,” but the truth is, these shades take time to trickle into stores. So skip the search and go with the feeling instead: simple, soft, and not in a rush.
Aging Gracefully
A kind reader shared that at 66, she’s felt pressure to try Botox and fillers, but has chosen not to. She described herself as aging naturally, and gently asked if I might share my own philosophy around that choice.
First, I want to say how much I appreciated her message…not just the kind assumption, but the honesty behind it. There’s something deeply vulnerable about admitting you’ve felt pressure, and even more powerful about standing in your choice anyway.
It also brought up a larger question I think many of us are quietly navigating:
What does it actually mean to “age naturally”?
Does it mean skipping procedures? Not wearing makeup? Avoiding hair color or skin care products with strong claims? Or does it simply mean aging in a way that feels aligned with who you are?
Personally, I don’t see aging naturally as a fixed definition. I see it as an internal compass that helps you decide what feels supportive, not performative. Some women feel best letting every wrinkle show. Others feel more at ease with a little help. And many of us land somewhere in between, depending on the season or the mirror or the lighting in the fitting room.
To me, the philosophy isn’t about what we do or don’t do…it’s about why we do it.
If a decision comes from a place of shame, fear, or pressure to keep up, it’s worth pausing. But if it helps you move through the world with confidence, clarity, or just a bit more ease, then I think that’s a perfectly valid part of aging too.
We don’t owe anyone a particular version of what “natural” looks like. We owe ourselves the permission to age in a way that feels real, kind, and authentically us.
What does aging naturally mean to you?
I guess I must live in a bubble because I do not know a single person in my circle of friends who has had work done. All had interesting careers, most have or continue to travel, all have a level of community engagement, some exercise a lot, some moderately. Most are readers, some garden, some create artistically. Most are silver haired. I think they all look great, are fun to be with and are an inspiration. Some love fashion, others prefer work out clothes. II know they will each be there for me if in need. So we have all aged graciously… and beautifully.
Great great article!
Aging naturally to me means Freedom! Not thinking I have to lose 10 lbs to fit in to an article of clothing that I have been hanging on to. Freedom to wear comfortable shoes. Freedom to wear my hair in its natural color – sparkles of gray. I love this stage of life!
Yes!!
I’m 75, but as all of you my age know, in my mind I’m still a young woman. I take good care of myself, spend money on good hair color and cut, have a few extra pounds but dress to disguise them. Like Jennifer says, we have learned to find clothes that are comfortable but not dowdy. Her blog has been a lifesaver in that regard. Despite all that, our children worry that we’re losing it and strangers call us ma’am. And I understand Jennifer’s thoughts on Cloud Dancer. It’s a soothing pallette in these troubled times.
Yes! I don’t know why ma’am sounds so old, but it does.
I say ma’am to all ages! I think it shocks the younger ones!
I, too, prefer the term aging gracefully. I live on an island in the PNW and a bad hair day makes me think of aging naturally in not a good way (just the way Anne described!). Aging is a feeling, and when you come to terms with it, it feels graceful.
To Linka K, have you heard of, or tried plated? It is available in Canada, and was recommended to me by my esthetician and has worked wonders for me. I just use products and have facials 3-4 times a year. Hope this helps.
I’m curious to learn more about plated
Lots to think about.
I think we dress better than we did when we were 30 is because we are not 30 anymore. You don’t think about it when you’re that age. I agree with MP3 that old people comments are rude, but they say more about the other person than about us. I agree that aging in a way that feels aligned with who I am is what’s important. At some point we are medically old, but being interesting, lively, and having a sense of humor as well as staying in shape all help offset physical changes.
I agree!
Thank you for your blog on aging gracefully. I am trying but not doing a very good job of it. I enjoy your blog. Have a fun day.
I love that Pantone color. I like peaceful and natural colors. I’m turning 76 in February and I do use Botox a few times a year. Not to look younger but to feel better for myself. I just feel more like myself. My eye Dr does it and it’s very subtle. I don’t mind aging but I want to stay fit and healthy. I prioritize exercise and healthy eating. Actually growing older is kind of liberating!
I agree, there is much freedom in aging
To me aging naturally is being the best you are with good grooming, tasteful clothes that compliment you with a positive attitude. Dodie
I’m not in the aging naturally column: if I were aging naturally I’d have about 3-4 teeth left in my mouth and wouldn’t be able to eat anything that required chewing.
So, put me in the pick and choose column. I think the trick to aging naturally is to be aware of your skin tone. If you color your hair then go for highlights and softer tones. If you have the figure for young sizes consider whether the style suits your state of dignity.
I snorted my tea up my nose on that one Rose! Great point, I would have no front tooth without lots of dental cosmetic surgery.
I’m smiling too! I fell on my face gardening and broke one of my front teeth. Six crowns later and I have my beautiful, so I’m told , smile back. Otherwise, I’m 81 next Sunday and all the rest of me is natural. Yes I could lose ten pounds but I still look petite and slim. My coloring looks like yours Jennifer. Yes, I have some little brown spots that are from years of long distance bicycling with my husband, hiking in the mountains and skiing. Now I only walk a mile a day with him and our little dog. We do live outside of a small rural mountain town in southern Colorado. There isn’t any pressure to do cosmetic work on our faces or bodies. It would actually look strange here. So demographic does make a difference. I see that pressure in my California family. I think there has been some subtle work being done on my 43 year old granddaughter. It makes this great grandmother feel sad as she is lovely as she is. That is just my personal opinion and preference. Make your own choices ladies, we are free to chose and who really cares what other people think?
Re: aging naturally. To me it means no invasive procedures – no botox, no fillers, and certainly no surgical procedures. My main defenses against what I consider to be aging faster than I “should” are exercise and sunscreen. I do use a few minimal skin care products beyond sunscreen. I use a gentle cleanser at night followed by moisturizer. I use the same moisturizer under my eyes during the day. I use a tranexamic acid product to lighten a few age spots and I use a retinal cream. Some people might say that using these products is not natural. I just consider my routine to be a relatively inexpensive and totally non-invasive way of helping Mother Nature.
I also do use color cosmetics. I started when I was 13. My girlfriends were all using blush to enhance their appearance. I felt like an ugly duckling at that age and did not believe I would magically turn into a swan. I saw using color cosmetics as a way to look prettier. My mother was dead set against using makeup, which, of course, made it even more tempting. I was disobedient. I bought makeup with money I had saved from allowances and babysitting. I put it on at school and took it off in the school restroom before going home in the afternoon. Thus began my love affair with makeup. I like to think that I have learned to use it tastefully in my 71 years of life.
I also color my hair. I have medium, golden brown hair, or I did before the gray started growing in during my 50s. I always thought gray hair looked striking on dark brunettes such as my husband. But, I always thought that gray mixed with golden brown just dimmed my bright coloring. I have very fair, golden ivory skin and green/hazel eyes. I wear clear chroma, warm, medium colors best. So far, I don’t care for how gray mixed with golden brown looks on me.
My mother, who is 95, never colored her hair, and never used any makeup other than lipstick, would probably say I am not aging naturally. Then there is my sister who is 61. She has had chin implants, surgery on her lips to make them look a tiny bit fuller, botox, and so much filler that her skin looks as though it will split any moment. She colors her hair, and applies her heavy foundation makeup with a spatula. She always sports heavy frosted turquoise eyeliner above and below- well below- her eyelids, lipstick beyond her lipline, and Tammy Faye Baker mascara. She has been dismayed that at more than one party she has hosted in recent years that some of her guests thought I was her younger sister. I am actually 10 years her senior! Her grooming choices are certainly very different than mine, but they seem to make her happy.
I think that most of us make choices somewhere between my mother’s and my sister’s. I believe that all of us sane women do bathe and we comb and brush our hair. We put on daytime clothing before going out in public. These things at any age are not entirely natural. But, even my cat grooms himself every day! I believe we should do what makes us happy.
That being said, I do think that some of us go to extreme lengths to look younger (my sister for one). There is also a class divide factor that I find disturbing. Not everyone can afford to have a facelift even if it were something they desire. In our culture the ability to have expensive cosmetic procedures done is a marker of so-called success just as is wearing ridiculously expensive designer garments.
Your concluding comment was perfect. At our age, we don’t need anyone’s permission to do or not do anything regarding our appearance. The bottom line is for each of us to feel comfortable in her own skin. Thank you for your post.
I will admit I have very strong feelings (opinionated, but at my age I’m allowed….wink wink) on somethings in the medical world. I’m always wondering about the long term effects treatment/drugs (I do understand/respect that for some diagnosis it’s unavoidable)……I just question the pharmaceutical industry too much and if something was developed and approved…..how long are the long term studies? Using Botox as an example….if it blocks any nerves and helps remove wrinkles, I hope that if you make the choice to stop treatment your nerves and muscles still know how to function again (as we get older we loose elasticity and muscle tone). I wish our society wasn’t so judgemental on women and men’s appearances. I’m noticing more advertisements for men and skin care, so I guess the beauty industry is looking for new revenue streams.
My niece had a minor stroke as a result of an undiagnosed congenital “hole in the heart” in her early 50s. She was a regular Botox user, and when first admitted to the ER she did not have the facial asymmetry consistent with a stroke due to the Botox despite weakness on one side of her body. This is a very uncommon thing to happen, and there are potential side effects with almost anything, but it did happen to her. My husband recently began a GLP-1 medication to lose weight and had severe diarrhea, vomiting and nausea – we joked that now we know how people lose weight with Mounjaro! Turns out they are somewhat common side effects. He is taking a break and will start it again at the lower dose he was initially taking without side effects as it is prescribed by his cardiologist to reduce strain on his heart and avoid diabetes and kidney disease, but I worry about long-term effects as these meds are relatively new.
I’ve not gone the way of Botox or Fillers, neither have I had a facelift. I do try different creams and serums. I would like to look “fresher” if I may use that term. I often think of trying Botox, Fillers, or even to go so far as a facelift. They all scare me though. What if I look different or unnatural. We’ve all seen those ladies who have obviously had work done and it is not a good look. So, I’m on the fence.
I have several neighbors who are a bit unrecognizable because of the work they’ve had done, but they seem happy with it so we each must do what works for us.
I’m in better shape at 71 than I was in my 50s. I look several years younger than my chronological age, in spite of my totally natural salt & pepper hair. I do get botox in an effort to eliminate the “11” between my eyebrows ( from a lifetime of nearsightedness”) and to soften the crow’s feet by my eyes. Otherwise, working with a personal trainer and staying active ( golf, hiking) has helped my feel young, strong, and vibrant. I’m not as mentally sharp as I was when I was younger, but I’m more temperate. I want to stay vital for my young grandchildren to be a part of their lives, something my mother was unable to do, with chronic debilitating health issues.
I love my life and my freedom.
Thanks Paula. I’ve used Botox lightly since I first heard of it for my 11s which made me appear angry and tired.
“We don’t owe anyone a particular version of what “natural” looks like. We owe ourselves the permission to age in a way that feels real, kind, and authentically us.”
And this is why I follow you! No judgement, just support. It’s hard enough to be a woman over 40 these days, much less in our 60s! We need to be kinder to ourselves and each other. Thank you 😊
Thanks for being here with us Sandra!
Aging to me is a privilege. At 65 I am choosing to still color my hair, but is is an ash hue instead of blonde. It blends better with my skin color and my undertone of my natural hair which has turned cool. I’m choosing cosmetics that are gentler on my skin and lean toward natural shades instead of harsh blacks with hardline eyeliners or bright lips. Again, blends better with my natural tones. I agree with you on what to wear. Substance and quality instead of quantity. Nothing more luxurious than a well fitting pair of jeans and a comfy sort sweater of natural fabric for this time of year. Thank you for your insights and guidance.
I just turned 68. During Covid, like so many, I let my hair go natural and I love it. I have , striking silver streaks in a modern cut. I think they look great and unique. I walk four miles every morning, run, practice yoga, lift weights, and volunteer at a local food bank. I’m a master gardener, and I started a neighborhood book club as I neared retirement. I put thought into what I’m wearing, even on days I have no plans, but strive to shop my closet without buying more at this stage. I am politically engaged. I notice that many women in this largest city in this state do not color their hair — I don’t associate it with “rural”, as one commenter mentioned. I’ve been a vegetarian for 50 years, and definitely consider myself a natural woman, as the song goes.
If you want to color your hair and wear makeup and whatever else, please feel free! Let’s lift each other up, and look for common ground, rather than judge each other based on appearance.
I always appreciate your honest discussions about aging. Ditto your readers’ comments on the topic. I dismiss anything the media has to say and I can’t understand my friends’ reticence to talk about this. I also can’t understand the hoopla about Cloud Dancer. What’s better than a white button down or t-shirt over denim? I love stripes and white always has a role in my striped items.
Hi Jennifer I’m 76 and time is going by faster than ever! Ageing is what we prayed for yesterday and taking care of our body is the responsibility we have to thank God for that. I have many issues that I won’t let slow me down but avoid things like lifting heavy objects and tripping on scatter rugs😂
Fashion and hair dye and makeup are all fun and I use everyone of them; after all, I still have to put my best foot forward as an inspiration to my husband because we’re both on our journey together😇
You inspire me and I love your attitude and great advice daily.
Sandra
Thanks for being here Sandra.
I haven’t had any procedures done, nor do I care to, but I have used tretinoin for years, plus vitamin C. People always tell me I have beautiful skin. I always say I just camouflage well with makeup. Is that aging naturally? I don’t know, but at 77 I am comfortable with what I’m doing.
,
That’s the most important part Pam
Aging naturally for me, means no face lifts, botox, fillers. I am lucky because there is no pressure in my social groups to have work done. We are a relaxed group of retired women who focus less on looks . I wouldn’t want to start having work done ,because you have to always keep doing it, or keep chasing youth. We will never look young enough or maybe not look like ourselves.
I use face creams and makeup. I did quit coloring my hair , because I have 90% white and color would not hold. I think we look younger when we keep our weight down, wear light makeup ,and dress in clothes that fit well and look good on us.
The older I get , the more I do what makes me feel good, which makes me feel young.