Grandma Style: It’s a Dirty Word
I had an interesting experience last week and the longer I reflect on it, the nastier it feels. If you’ve read me for any length of time you won’t be surprised that when I feel angry about something I like to share a small rant here and get your opinion on it.
I spent several days at a business event with women who were all younger than me. That’s not unusual in my business but it can be unnerving. Most were in their 30’s, some in their late 20’s and one or 2 may have been in their 40’s or 50’s.
We shared a panel to discuss style and fashion in a shopping environment. As the conversations progressed I started tallying how many disparaging remarks were made about “grandma” style. It was made to sound like a fate worse than death.
A dinner conversation turned to how adamant some of their mother’s were that they are never called grandma…ever. They’d chosen other names like Mimi, Gigi, Glamma, etc instead.
When did grandma and granny become offensive titles worthy of contempt?
And just what does grandma style look like? These ladies were talking about frumpy, that dreaded term none of us aspire to. They were categorizing it based on age which is pretty stupid because I’ve seen plenty of frumpy young ladies in my time.
Being young doesn’t mean you’re more stylish or hip. It simply means we’re coming from different places and you’re less experienced. You can may wear higher heels, shorter skirts, and tighter garments but that doesn’t make you superior and it doesn’t make me frumpy.
Even Tim Gunn takes pot shots at grandma style which I find pretty assinine and yet…we all have an image that flashes up when we hear it. Mine is not negative, but then I’m a proud granny and dress with confidence. I’m not offended by the term grandma or granny and hate to hear it being used as an insult.
How about you?
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What do you picture when you hear the term Grandma style? Is it what your grandmother wore? Is it what you wear? Is it frumpy? Is it insulting?
Thanks for reading ladies and as always, I’d love to get your take on this.
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I am the proud Grammy of 5 soon to be 6! I’m all about being a part of the solution to a problem. My grandchildren will have the memory of a denim, tennis shoe, flip flop wearing, paddle boarding, classy, fun Grammy that plays in the dirt with trucks and plays dolls and has camping sleepovers on the living room floor but can dress to the nines and go out with Grandpa! Standing up and being proud of our age (62) our hair (red with nature’s highlights) is the best way to combat negativity of a frumpy Grammy. I personally would not want to go back – I love who I am and all the facets of who I am. Including the blessing of being a Grammy. Perception changes Amaya take time but our grandchildren will have a different memory of what a Grammy is.
I love this Debi! You sound awesome. Thanks for sharing.
Oh boy did you ever hit the nail on the head !! I’m 68 a proud Grammy and so offended with the “Ageism” I see all around me! In most of the ads on tv, if tour 60 or older, it’s ok to portray you as a bumbling idiot. It’s ok for comedians etc. to portray me as an idiot or worse. Can you imagine what an upheaval there would be if one of the minority’s were portrayed according to past ideas that people have of them…….enough complaining, I’m just grateful that this Ageism is coming to light !!
So true Sandy. We need to speak with our dollars and not give those brands our money!!
I’m a Nana to 11 of the best grans….and when I think of ‘Grandma style,’ I see a loving face, open arms, ears that can listen without any judgement and encouraging words being spoken. I see a wisdom that comes from not seeing what someone wears on the outside as much as who someone is in their truest heart. Thank you for this post. We all need to be re-centered in what’s really important.
Yes, yes, yes! That’s what I aspire to be for my grandson. Open arms and love without question.
I am a 65 yr old grandma and I do dress frumpy-at home. When I go out however I always try to dress stylishly even if its just grocery shopping. I am proud to be a grandma and a great grandma. I feel if someone doesn’t like how I am attired, its their problem.
Congratulations! Great grandma! Go you
There is a fear of growing old that is pathetic. If they are fortunate, those younger women you mentioned will be old themselves one day and will find out that age has many rewards. To each her own. I have been Grandma for years now and love it. Am I “frumpy”? No doubt at times, but so what? Each day is a gift and a chance to learn.
I so love your attitude Jill!!!
I’m so sorry that happened during your event. It was at the very least insensitive of those younger ladies to speak disparaging of us grammas. While there are many older women who seem to discontinue caring about fashion, there are many young who dress terribly wrong. Fashion sense is not a given at any age.
I’m a gramma eight times over and love it.
A proud Gramma! ????
So true Joanna! Great style and dressing fashionably is not age dependent.
Well, I’m a grandma of three and I don’t feel like I’m “grandma style”. I live in nuu-muus and leggings or shorts. If that’s “grandma style” then so be it; I’m happy with it and that’s all that matters. My nuu-muus take me from the gym, swimming, kayaking, hiking to shopping and even out to dinner.
Bravo Rosemary. I love your confident attitude!!
Nothing thrills me more than when my granddaughter calls me Grandma. I lived a long time without this joy.
You are right…it has nothing to do with my age or how I dress. In fact, since I have been following you, I look a lot more stylish! And I am 70.
Yay Gail! It does warm my heart too!
I am called Granny by my 3 year old granddaughter and I love it. I am 73 years old & consider myself a “hip” granny when I dress. I wear blazers, jeans with decorations &classic clothes.
So I don’t consider “Granny Clothes” in my vocabulary. “Grandma clothes is what my Grandma wore a long time ago.
I like to think I’m hip too!
My Grandmother wore, dresses, small heels, jewelry, hair and makeup done. Mother wore, polyester elastic waist pants, printed poly top, no makeup, flats. Young gals now: yoga outfits, jeans, tees, hair in top knot, minimal makeup, Uggs, tennis shoes flip flops, boots, and a “great” bag. What would I like to see less of in older gals style, tent shaped tops, Merrell, and Sketcher shoes, Cargo pants, beadazzeled / sparkly clothes/ bags, LARGE prints. And casual clothes looks with “work appropriate ” jewelry, makeup, hair, nails, just looks strange to me if not done right. We are all guilty of strange fashion choices. I want to be a interesting, fascinating older lady, closer to the French style, grandmere, if possible. love your blog.
I agree, we all make unique fashion choices. Some for medical reasons (shoes) some for lifestyle but feeling confident is the very best thing we can wear.
Got to thinking… Granny clothes, could be a term used for ” not current”, not bought recently? The term ” granny clothes” in an of itself, is dated, and not current. ha, ha 🙂
You’re right Eileen!! It is dated:)
I’m proud to be Mamaw to 5 grandchildren. My 15 year old granddaughter tells me I’m trending. Makes me happy.
Congrats!!
When I think of Grandma, I think of individuals, including my mother,my grandmas and my great-grandma. Each of these women had her own individual style, and they always looked stylish within their own means. I don’t like to type cast anyone in any way and prefer to be interested in who she/he is. Having recently joined the 3/4 century club, I am grateful for your column, which gives me creative ideas, and for living in an era where I can freely choose comfortable, stylish clothing that I feel good in.
My granny’s were so distinct and very special women. Thank you for sharing.
I have to admit that I am guilty of using that term, looking like a grandma, when I really meant frumpy!!!(and I’m a 67 year old, very proud to be Grammy) You are so right! Thank you, for Speaking up. I will no more use that term.
Thanks for sharing Becky!
I am 60 years old, grandmother of 12, great grandmother of 2 and I am proud to be called grandma. I do not dress frumpy but dress what I like to think is classic. I want to always look put together not like it is an after thought when I go out the door. I don’t do it for others I do it for myself. Except for a few times when I have been ill, I get up everyday and put on my makeup and dress in an outfit that was thought about beforehand even if I am going out to rake leaves. This is my time of life to do those things that I want to do and I want to look and feel confident while I am doing it. If anything I am more interested in fashion now then when I was younger and had less time to think about it. I follow the trends and if they are appropriate I buy a piece or two. My heels might be lower now but my confidence is not. As for those grandkids, there is nothing sweeter than hearing those voices call me grandma. They can call me anything they want as long as they still call me.
This brought a tear to my eye Christine. Thank you
I am turning 70 on my next birthday. I am reasonably fit and in shape. I have a good sense of style and willingness to put some effort into my appearance. That kind of attitude has been my style all my life, no matter my age. I must admit that I, too, referred to older women as having “old lady” style….’gramma’ style. I need to change my terminology.
Age doesn’t determine one’s style sense at all. It’s time society, each and every one of us, recognizes that.
Style sense is ageless!
Excellent point Maria. Style has no age
This made me laugh! I am in my early fifties with younger children. Most of my friends already have a grandchild or two. I figured by the time I have grandchildren, I want to be called grandma! HA!
Yes!!
I am an extremely proud 63 year-old grandma of four with two more on the way who loves to be called “Grandma” or “Ammaw” by our grandson wh can’t pronounce Gs yet. I try to dress stylishly as I always have and enjoy fashion and syle. I enjoy receiving compliments on my style. Many people are ignorant about age as they are about race, ethnicity, religion, etc. It is interesting that those who demand “tolerance” often feel totally free to redicule others’ age and religion. I wish the “Grandma” style comments had been addressed, but the “tolerant” intoleratnt may not have taken it well.
I truly enjoy your blog.
Thank you Lori!
Ohh… steam is coming out my ears now! I’m with you, Jennifer. I may not be a granny, but I am of of that age group, and if some young thing disparaged me, and my style, in that way, I’d blow a gasket!
We are stylish (not trendy), comfortable (not frumpy), confident (don’t need to dress sexy to be admired), experienced, wise, and appreciative of quality. We do not have to prove or empower ourselves by putting others down.
And those of us who are in this age bracket will understand when I say “I am WOMAN, hear me roar..”
YES!! Thank you
Well spoken. I understand completely. I believe your comments reflect what many of us feel. The term “Granny Style” has indeed become a derogatory term.
To me “Granny Style” is head to toe polyester, ill fitting undergarments, a pullover knit top that is too short before it rolls up in your fleshy rolls, tee shirts with cute little things embroidered on the front, blouses that look like the maternity smocks of the old days, someone who doesn’t dress in their color range of flattering colors, with a 20 pound purse full of JIC’s (just in case items), and SAS like shoes.
In full disclosure: I will soon be 74, I am a larger person. I am very healthy and walk daily at a quick pace. Get frequent compliments on my grey hair. I am not what some people would call stylish because I don’t dress in fads and am careful with trends. Classics are my preference. My everyday style is “neat and clean” but I enjoy stepping out of my box and dressing up in what is attractive and best for me.
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Good for you!! I love this. Thank you for sharing!
Maybe you should suggest to the meeting plannners of these events that there should be one session on proper terminology. Singling out older women is in poor taste. I am a grandmother who reads blogs written by young women but know what is age appropriate. And while you are making suggestions, a grammar session would help many of them improve their writing skills.
Lol. Great idea Harr. I did give feedback to the management team less than 24 hours after the event!