Grandma Style: It’s a Dirty Word
I had an interesting experience last week and the longer I reflect on it, the nastier it feels. If you’ve read me for any length of time you won’t be surprised that when I feel angry about something I like to share a small rant here and get your opinion on it.
I spent several days at a business event with women who were all younger than me. That’s not unusual in my business but it can be unnerving. Most were in their 30’s, some in their late 20’s and one or 2 may have been in their 40’s or 50’s.
We shared a panel to discuss style and fashion in a shopping environment. As the conversations progressed I started tallying how many disparaging remarks were made about “grandma” style. It was made to sound like a fate worse than death.
A dinner conversation turned to how adamant some of their mother’s were that they are never called grandma…ever. They’d chosen other names like Mimi, Gigi, Glamma, etc instead.
When did grandma and granny become offensive titles worthy of contempt?
And just what does grandma style look like? These ladies were talking about frumpy, that dreaded term none of us aspire to. They were categorizing it based on age which is pretty stupid because I’ve seen plenty of frumpy young ladies in my time.
Being young doesn’t mean you’re more stylish or hip. It simply means we’re coming from different places and you’re less experienced. You can may wear higher heels, shorter skirts, and tighter garments but that doesn’t make you superior and it doesn’t make me frumpy.
Even Tim Gunn takes pot shots at grandma style which I find pretty assinine and yet…we all have an image that flashes up when we hear it. Mine is not negative, but then I’m a proud granny and dress with confidence. I’m not offended by the term grandma or granny and hate to hear it being used as an insult.
How about you?
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What do you picture when you hear the term Grandma style? Is it what your grandmother wore? Is it what you wear? Is it frumpy? Is it insulting?
Thanks for reading ladies and as always, I’d love to get your take on this.
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Becoming at grandmother at 56 was so exciting for me and I became Grandma Nana while the other grandmothers became Grammy and Grandma because they already had older grandkids. Now, at 70, I am Grandma Nana to 2 grandsons, Nana to 2 granddaughters and Grandma to 1 grandson. I don’t care what they call me as long as they call me. My philosophy is that age is more of an attitude than anything else. Wear what you like, no matter what style is it. Be comfortable and be true to yourself and your lifestyle.
So many ladies have commented exactly as you have “I don’t care what my grandchildren call me, as long at they call me”. Tuer words were never spoken!! Thanks Norma. You are blessed to have so many.
My mother, stylish all her life, passed away last year aged 91. We went shopping a few weeks before she passed, and we went into a store she often frequented. She went in, looked around, said, “These are all old lady clothes,” turned and walked out. She was a great-grandmother and was never frumpy. Like you and many of the commenters, I LOVE being a grandma. I think I am just as stylish now, at 67, as I ever was — perhaps more stylish as I am eager to try ideas I get from style blogs like yours!
Your mom sounded like quite a gal Cynthia! I think I’m more stylish now because I have more time and desire. Being stylish raises my confidence level and that’s priceless.
Wow,what a response to your article!I immediately thought of the quote “youth is wasted on the young”.I wonder how these young ones will handle getting older,having children and possibly grandchildren.Hopefully they lose their condescending attitudes and realise there is more to life than “me,me,me”. I am sure people come up with these derogatory terms to make themselves feel better and more important.Social media has got a lot to answer for when it comes to judging others.
You are a shining example of being a stylish and vivacious grandmother.Hold your head high. xxx
Thanks Julie! I think social media fostered criticism which them leaks into real life. Women need to support each other at all ages!!
Frumpy is nothing more than an attitude. Age has nothing at all to do with class or style. I think maybe these women are just too young to be smart enough to know better yet!
Agreed! Frumpy is a look not an age!
I can’t wait to be a grandmother! There are bad dressers at every age. We should simply refuse to call it anything other than bad dressing! My friends who are already grandmothers are embracing this stage of life with elegance, grace and have remained very fashionable. I think we can admire each generation’s fashion style and leave the “granny” or “frumpy” label out of the discussions.
I agree wholeheartedly Trish! It has nothing to do with age.
Being a grandma to six is my favorite role yet. I had a successful career in finance but my family is my most important possession. I’m tired of women who won’t admit to what they are. Always wanting to be younger etc. be who you are. 60,70 grandma-granny Dress comfortable and stylish. Stop judging and live your lives
Thank you Katherine!
What makes me angry about this is that it’s ageism, pure and simple. Even worse, the term is used by young ladies to disparage a generation that really worked hard to pave the way for them to make it on their terms. I could write volumes, but instead I will just keep on enjoying what I do (I have a creative tech job, and sadly, that fact just amazes the young ladies I encounter), and continue to be true to myself, which I have done for 60+ years.
Sighhhhh.
Excellent point Jane! We blazed trails for these young gals.
At the risk of sounding too political, I think the term “granny” being synonymous with “frumpy” was just another form of sexism. If you weren’t young (aka sexy) then you were an old granny (not attractive to men) and should just fade away. Fortunately, we now live in time where that mindset is changing (although not quickly enough). A woman’s worth is no longer determined by her age or sex appeal. Women of all ages are of value and have something to contribute to this world. It is important to me to look and feel my best, and I was lucky to be raised by a strong woman who had the same mindset. It’s exciting to me to be part of this generation of women 50+ who are stepping forward with confidence, grace and strength. We are proud to look and feel our best — no matter our role in life.
Good point Beth. It’s not just ageism it is sexism which we can all do without. The older I get the less tolerant I become of injustice. As a previous reader said this, Here us roar!!
Judging from the huge number of comments, you struck a nerve! I am turning 73 in a couple of days. I have four children, who thought the world needed more of our clan, so gave my husband of 56 years and me 21 grandchildren! We are very PROUD to be called grandpa and grandma! As for style, I dress much like you do Jennifer. I try to stay up with trends that don’t make me look foolish like I’m trying to look 18! I’m afraid I can’t purchase from many retail stores, but if you look hard enough, you can find classic styles at consignment and thrift stores. I appreciate your help in keeping us up to date as to what is trending and how to make it work at 73!
Wow, Doris, that’s fantastic. I can’t imagine the delight of having that many grandchildren. You are truly blessed. Thanks for being here and sharing.
Jennifer this must have been exasperating for you…you are too polite!! If it had been me there would have been a verbal smack down right there! Although I really can’t relate to “grandma style”! When I think of my own grandma, well, she had a cigarette in one hand and a martini in the other..or a fishing rod ( fishing was her passion) My own mother is 91 and a doppelgänger for Iris Apfel and feels she is not yet ready to be a great grandmother!! I am 62 and will be a first time grandmother in the next week or so. There are a number of grandma’s and great grand ma’s, mémères and pépères so my husband will be Père and I will be Ba( Gujarati for grandma, my own GG was born in India)
At 62 I wear my (dyed) hair in a ‘messy’ bun, high black boots, black leggings, cashmere sweater, nobody I work with is over 50!! They usually ask where I buy my clothing … I like the writer above who is proud of her moo-moos and finds them to work for her…you go girl! What that lady is saying is this” what you think of me is none of my business, I am happy in my skin.” We would ALL be happier if we repeated that to ourselves regularly.
May I say that there is absolutely nothing better at sniffing out a ‘poseur’ or mimicking a prissy female relative ( even a Grand mère:) than a small child…kids keep you real. I was 42 when I had my second son, that millennial child is very good at calling out any baloney as is his five years older brother…hahaha I have been on the receiving end …they take no prisoners.
I love this Allison! Your grandma sounds like an awesome lady. Kids always call it like it is which is so refreshing. Honesty served with innocence and kindness. Congratulations!! You are going to be sooo happy.
I am super proud to be called Grandma. I think people that talk about others and call them “Grandma style” would talk about other people no matter what. Everyone has there own style young and old. I’m a blue jeans Grandma that lives on a farm. I also think it is insulting, I totally agree with you. I look at the new fashion cloths coming out and the cloths and shoes are just like what my Grandma used to wear. I laugh…
You’re right Judy! I remember when block heels came back they looked exactly like what my granny wore. I’m a firm believer in supporting other women’s fashion choices, no matter what…just don’t insult us.
I agree completely! I decided to go back to collage late in life (my 40’s), & often I am the oldest student in my class. I don’t love that I am so much older than the other students, but I am certainly not dressing like the younger students. They look thrown together like they just rolled out of bed, which is probably exactly what they did. I don’t see much effort on the part of these young ladies in their prime. I guess they don’t care. A lot of looking good is taking time to be well groomed & I see that being lost on a lot of the youth today. So, it is ironic to me that older women are compartmentalized into a category that doesn’t have any validity. These “Grandma’s” they are referring to were probably frumpy in their youth too, & they have just gotten older.
Good for you Tracey! I also think they are afraid of age which is such a blessing.
I have three small grandchildren 7yrs, 4yrs, and 2 yrs. All boys. I do a lot of babysitting and looking after them so I guess what I wear is classified as “grandma style!” They all call me Granny which I love.
Why is it classified as granny style?
Well let me be the voice of dissent here. The term does not offend me. There are so many things to be upset about but this is not one for me. It is a kind of short hand term that refers to a cliche but we all get the picture when we hear it. I am a proud Oma because my step kids who grow up in Germany made me one and termed me so.
Lighten up ladies and rock your style with a smile.
That’s a cute name! Perhaps I didn’t explain it properly. The short hand term “granny style” was used in a derogatory manner which insulted older people.
I am 65 years old and I have just returned to work due to a critical teacher-librarian shortage. Some of my colleagues are in their twenties. I think that I have developed a sense of myself that is congruent to my age and body shape. It’s different from a younger woman’s style but I still get compliments. I like that but for some women (of any age) “style” is irrelevant so if they are free and strong-minded enough to dress as they wish, that’s great. An advantage to being older is to have gained self-awareness.
Yes! Self awareness and acceptance of others is often a benefit of age. We are just more experienced.
I am a 60 year old grandmother. I am called Mimi. My grandmother was called Mimi so it is not just for people who are uncomfortable with the aging process.
I wonder if some of us are just being overly sensitive to a simple descriptor that everyone can understand.
Most people do not mean to offend. I think a simple reminder to the younger women that we the older women would like to redefine “granny” fashion.
Lets find a kind way not angry way to change what we do not like!
Many people use family names too. My grandson couldn’t pronounce granny for a long time so we waited. I could have stuck with gammy but I wanted to hear granny, which is what my children used and I used growing up. It felt right and I’m so glad I waited. He’s the light of my life
My DIL thought she’d have her first grandchild call her Gammy. It came out as Mammy. She decided to let the child call her what she would and ended up as Nai Nai.
My own grandchildren call me Grandmother. The first one chose it after his Mom would say “We’re going to see the Grandmother” in the way that Clara and Heidi went to see ‘The Grandfather’ in the movie Heidi.
The only garment that I think of as ‘granny style’ is a long flowing flannel nightgown. Most of the grandmothers I know wear pants.
Most every woman I know wears pants, I think it’s a sign of the times. I had a girlfriend who called her’s grandmother and I thought it sounded quite elegant. Those nightgowns:)
I love how you spotted this social prejudice against older women! This “rant” as you called it I actually a healthy observation and you are speaking out against it, which needs to be done. Kudos to you! I have the picture of the “old Grandma” in my mind as they referred to it (my beloved Grandma, old neighbors when I was growing up) but it seems to me that is fading as women continually improve their self-worth and modernize. As you said, it comes down to being frumpy…but I can’t think of any words used against the young frumpy, and the old frumpy mostly comes from a fear of age and what it means to grow older in our society. All of it probably happens because of insecurity. So I say: women, young and old, need to appreciate their true selves 😉
Angie
So true and we need to support one another!
Jennifer, this is my annoyance too…since when is grandma a derogatory term. It’s like the BIGGEST INSULT! People would rather be called a bitch than a grandma. I simply do not understand. I have four grandchildren and have been a grandma since I was 50 years old. I wouldn’t want to be called anything but Grandma. It is the sweetest relationship of my life and I’m also better dressed now, because I can afford it. I’m not sending kids to college, and putting braces on their teeth, their parents do that. One happy stylish grandma…
Great point Cheryl Ann! We have the time and money to dress to please ourselves now.
Not having children of my own, I won’t ever be a “grandma” – but am happy to be a “auntie” to many of my friends and family members children. While I may be an old biddy to some – I certainly don’t dress like that or behave like an old lady – and probably, I hope, never will. I’m not ever going to give up on looking the best I can and hopefully be age appropriate. I don’t want to ever wnat to be seen as “mutton dressed as lamb”. But I really don’t worry about folks that want to judge me or others and just try to focus on being my best.
Such a great point Kathleen. Dressing our best is the confidence builder and keeps us young at heart.
I will take a well dressed “Granny” over a 20 something “Let’s wear our pajama pants out to dinner” any day. I love clothes and fashion, always have and even though we don’t wear the same clothes, it makes me so proud when my 18 year old granddaughter says she gets her fashion sense from ME. Now that’s Grandma Style!
And I love your rants. They always make me think
Yay Cindy!! I’m with you and way to go!:)