How to Get Into the Holiday Spirit When You’re Not Feeling It
Did you ever notice how the holidays seem to sneak up like an over-eager houseguest? One minute you’re minding your own business, and the next, every store is blaring carols and someone on your street has installed enough lights to power a small town. Meanwhile, I’m standing there wondering where all this cheer is coming from and whether I missed a memo.
If you’re not quite in the spirit, you’re in very good company. Some years, it all feels easy. Other years, the pressure, the expectations, and the relentless “magic of the season” messaging just land differently. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. It just means you’re tired. And honestly, who isn’t?
This isn’t about forcing joy. It’s about finding small, quiet moments that still feel comforting, even if the rest of the world seems to be running on gingerbread fumes.
Some Years Are Just Harder
There are years when you can’t wait to deck the halls. Then there are years when the thought of untangling lights feels like a personal attack.
Maybe you’re juggling too much. Maybe the holidays remind you of someone you’re missing. Or maybe you’re just tired. Mentally, emotionally, and physically tired. I know I am.
Whatever the reason, not feeling festive doesn’t make you a Grinch. It makes you human.
The truth is, life doesn’t pause for the holidays. Sometimes the joy takes a little coaxing, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s not about plastering on a smile. It’s about finding small sparks that still feel like you.
Redefine What Festive Means
Somewhere along the line, festive became synonymous with doing the absolute most. Perfectly wrapped gifts. Homemade everything. Themed tablescapes. Coordinated family outfits. (Who started that tradition anyway?)
This year, what if the festive season looked a little simpler? Maybe it’s lighting a candle that smells vaguely like cinnamon rolls. Or buying pre-wrapped gifts and calling it a day. Maybe it’s doing less and actually enjoying more.
If the idea of decorating your whole house makes you want to hide under a blanket, start with one corner. A candle, a vase of greenery, a string of twinkle lights. Done.
For me, it’s the little things. The smell of pine, a quiet evening in fuzzy socks, or hanging out with my grandson. If that’s all the holiday spirit I can muster, it’s enough.
Mood Boosters That Actually Work
The trick to feeling festive when you’re not is to think small. Forget the grand gestures. You’re not auditioning for a holiday movie. You’re just looking for things that make life feel a little softer around the edges.
1. Turn on the Lights (Literally)
Warm lighting is magic. Fairy lights, flameless candles, a glowing lamp. Whatever you’ve got. Keep in mind that this picture is from last year, and I haven’t even started decorating for this year yet.
2. Pick One Festive Outfit Piece
CASHMERE V-NECK SWEATER size M / STRAIGHT-LEG VELVETEEN PANTS IN LEOPARD PRINT size 10 petite
Nothing boosts my mood faster than clothes that feel like an occasion. I don’t mean sequins, unless you love them. I mean something that feels special, like a cashmere wrap or sweater, a velvet blazer, or even a red lip. If all else fails, pajamas count, especially if they’re soft enough to make you cancel plans.
3. Smell Is Powerful
A candle, essential oil, or diffuser can do what a playlist can’t. Scents like pine, clove, or orange instantly set the scene without any effort.
4. Create a Mini Ritual
Maybe it’s watching your favorite movie, sipping hot cocoa at night, or writing cards by hand. Tiny traditions bring a sense of continuity even when everything else feels different.
5. Get Outside
When all else fails, step outside. A brisk walk resets your mood better than any sugar cookie. Bonus points if you admire a few Christmas lights.
Connection Helps
There’s this idea that the holidays are all about togetherness. And they are, in theory. But if large gatherings leave you feeling drained, you’re not obligated to attend every single one.
Instead, choose the connections that feel good. Invite a friend for coffee. Drop off cookies to a neighbor. Send a card to someone who’s had a rough year.
If you’re alone this season, make it intentional. Plan a day you actually want. Cook something indulgent, watch a favorite movie, or spend the day in cozy clothes without an ounce of guilt.
Simplify Everything
If you’re struggling to feel festive, the last thing you need is more pressure. Let’s be honest. Most of us are doing way too much.
Try this instead:
- Skip a tradition. If it doesn’t bring joy, retire it. The family recipe no one actually likes can go.
- Say no more often. A polite “I’ll have to pass this year” works wonders.
- Buy the cookies. The bakery won’t judge you.
- Pick your battles. If the lights go up crooked, consider it character.
The holidays don’t need to be perfect to be meaningful. In fact, the imperfect years often stick with you the most, usually because you learned to let something go.
When the Funk Feels Deeper
If the season feels particularly heavy, please don’t white-knuckle it alone. Sometimes it’s more than a slump. Talk to someone. A friend, a therapist, your doctor. There’s no shame in admitting you need help.
Joy might feel far away, but it’s still possible. It just might look quieter this year, and that’s perfectly fine.
Remember…Festive Isn’t a Competition
The longer I live, the more I’m convinced the holidays are less about cheer and more about pacing. Some years, you glide right in. Other years, you feel like you’re merging onto a highway where everyone else is already going eighty. With cookies.
You don’t have to match anyone’s speed. Let the enthusiastic bakers and décor lovers do their thing. If your contribution this year is lighting a candle and remembering where you hid the gift wrap, that counts in my book.
And honestly, half the people who look wildly festive are probably just as tired…they’re simply better at disguising it with twinkle lights.
So if your holiday spirit shows up late or lightly caffeinated, welcome it anyway.
What’s one small thing that feels doable for you this season… besides hiding until January?
Jennifer, thanks for your thoughtful comments. I’ve just finished browsing Scandinavian Christmas magazine, and their customs seem to make so much more sense…..a few white candles, pinecones, fresh wreaths, quiet simplicity. I think that’s what I want this year.
That sounds like a lovely magazine and tradition!
This really stirred emotions in me. I have always loved Christmas. The lights, the tree, music, Holiday movies. But now that I’ve turned 70, of course things are different and nostalgia makes me sad at times. I’m single. I’ve lost my mom, a sister and a brother. My dad is 99. My brother is 66 and our children are not little. And I’ve always been very close to my ex’s family since I was a teen, but of course my in-laws are gone and a sister-in-law and her husband also, and nieces and nephews grown. It’s not the same, but I am the person who makes us keep the tradition, even if its different and simplified. Especially now with a 4 year old granddaughter. So I ask about the menu to get the ball rolling (simple, no turkey for Thanksgiving, but Cornish hens and all the trimmings). My daughter and I will cook together. My ex lost his wife and he will be with us. At Christmas my brother cooks and I do all the decorating at my dad’s house if I’m with them (in another State). Gifts – well, barely anything wrapped anymore. I’ve yielded to gift cards, except for my granddaughter. Everyone wants to buy what they want. So it’s different – very little shopping/wrapping, simplified cooking, a smaller tree, to keep it doable for myself – but it’s continuing with new traditions and being with those people I love and still have in my life. Happy Holidays to all!
Yes, age certainly changes everything and being with those we love is the best part.
You hit this right on. Can relate and appreciate permission to do or NOT to do during this holiday season. Have had too many loses in the last year and a half. . .
I really needed this today, so thank you, Jennifer! I’m recovering from a medical procedure that took a lot more out of me than I anticipated and the idea of doing all the Christmas things we usually do seems overwhelming. I asked hubby yesterday if he’d mind if we didn’t put up the tree this year. He said he didn’t care, so that’s one pressure off. We’ll be spending a few days over Christmas with our son’s family and I’d rather save what little energy I have for fully embracing and enjoying our time with them. I’ll do some simple decorating here at home and bake a couple of favourite Christmas treats, but lighting a candle and curling up on the couch with a soft blanket and a good book seems like a great way to honour the season.
I’m so sorry to hear that. Feel better soon Elaine!
Thank You!! This year all my friends and I have decided no presents. We are all old enough to purchase what we want , but will do a holiday lunch or dinner. I don’t have grandchildren, so there is an entire group that is off the list. Instead I’m donating to a few local gift drives for those who need help for the holidays. Going very light on the decorations..those tote bins are heavy,,,,,Happy Holidays to all…..I think a ferry ride to San Francisco next week, might just help…
That sounds fun
Terrific post that really hits home. This time of year brings melancholy, angst and an uptick in my anxiety. I want to go to bed after Thanksgiving dinner and wake up Jan. 2. I’ve simplified over the years…. But still, as the calendar nears the end of the year, I feel my shoulders tense. Thanks for some laughs….”running on gingerbread fumes”.
“Merging into 80mph traffic… with cookies” 😂🤣
I honestly think you’re doing great! Im only going to be 68 soon and I could never do all the shopping try ons that you do and writing so many days of online content, and away from home trips. If you’re feeling just tired all the time maybe rethink what you can let go so you’ll feel more energetic and happy. As we get older we don’t like admitting we just cant do what we used to do and not be overdoing it. I do find it boring to be home so much but my battery absolutely needs it or I find I keep getting sick with one thing after another. Thanks for all the outfit advice. I do wish they’d normalize one diagnostic test for older people and that’s the echo for the cardiac arteries. Anytime someone feels overly tired once they get older a possibility is plaque in the arteries slowing blood flow. They won’t routinely check this tho. You gave to ask specifically if we can check this due to unusual fatigue. I’ve had 3 friends find this out in the last couple of years.
Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for addressing this topic in such a thoughtful way. Your suggestions are timely and appreciated. There was a time earlier in life when I could not face all the holiday dinners with family (hosted or visiting–it seemed like every other day) and ‘holiday-time off work’ loomed like more work! I don’t mind travelling solo, so every so often I would opt-out and travel, discovering that NYC, DC, Costa Rica, etc. were low on tourist pressure at that time of year. Although some venues were closed, I didn’t mind and have fond memories of these adventures.
Best wishes for this week’s day of Thanks.
Beautiful photo of you and your daughter. She is lovely. These notes are a great reminder to slow down and smell the pine. To enjoy the sm special things. Thank you.
I can’t tell you how grateful I am for this post. I’m not “feeling it” and tbh, I haven’t in several years. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to feel whatever it is we’re feeling. Feelings are neither right or wrong…..they just are. Thank you, Jennifer, for reminding us that holiday spirit isn’t a one size fits all.
Wishing you a peaceful, loving holiday season! 🤗❤️
Thanks for being here with us!
First time listener! Always good to be reminded of the many ways to seek mindfulness. Will use some of the suggestions this Holiday season!
Really nice article Jennifer. Love the photo of you and your daughter. You both look so happy. I wanted to let you know I purchased those leopard velveteen pants from Talbots and I love them. Comfortable, flattering fit and so soft. Thanks for that recommendation, as they would have never been on my radar. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.
That’s awesome. Happy Thanksgiving Lea Ann
Your post hit home with me today! Thanks for your tips and encouragement! Have a beautiful holiday season.
Great suggestions. I host Thanksgiving for my family. There will be around 17 counting the little ones. I haven’t been looking forward to all the work involved, but you reminded me to take it slow, take time for myself and it will all be fine!.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
The retailers have taken advantage of us (and we’ve allowed it) in making us feel like we just gotta have it and have it now. Black Friday keeps getting earlier and earlier. I was in a store this morning to pick up a few things for my kitchen and it quite honestly looked like Christmas threw up all over everything. This certainly takes away the feeling of Joy and Peace on Earth. And what happened to Thanksgiving??
Agree!
I know the older I get the more I eliminate things that will hardly be missed. I don’t decorate as much even though I do love it but I hate putting it all away. We even bought a smaller tree this year. We are still doing everything just not quite so much. My grandkids are getting older and mostly just want gift cards or money. So maybe this year I won’t be so worn out!
Hopefully you won’t get so worn out. It can be so exhausting
I wish the US would move Thanksgiving to October like in Canada. Give Christmas a little “breathing room”. We are bombarded with messages to buy, buy, buy! It all feels a little overwhelming. I crave a quieter, more meaningful holiday. So, my solutions – I give cash. Hopefully the receiver buys something they really want. I shop local. I picked up beautiful candles at a Christmas Market sponsored by a local charity. I have a holiday calendar. Each day I designate a single task, i.e. buy the garland. Have a joyful holiday however, whatever you celebrate!
A small table tree with fairy lights and little handmade ornaments made by grandchildren that have since grown up and gone their own way. A couple of wreaths we have had for many years that I added fairy lights and new bows to last year. Our nativity set is vintage because I bought it 30 years ago. I have four movies I bring out and watch every year. We have not had snow yet which is several weeks late here in rural southern Colorado. It is finally getting cooler with a high today of 43 degrees but still sunny. We finally got a day of rain two days ago which we really needed. I will be 81 in December and have felt it lately. No one seems to think I look it. Probably thanks to my Finnish heritage and the mile walks a day we do with our dog. I’m grateful to still be alive and healthy. I’m grateful for my healthy and wonderful 84 year old husband always holding my hand and being next to me. Gratitude is the gift I receive and give everyday. Happy holidays everyone!
Such a beautiful sentiment Sydney! Thank you so much for sharing it with us. Gratitude the best gift
I’m not in a festive mood this year. I’m dealing with sciatica right now and just sitting (or standing) hurts. We have no money for gifts this year and I would at least like to get something for my husband and son. Getting old sucks!
You are so bang on with this post!
Sometimes you are so excited to decorate, other times wondering if you really have to. Plus you guys have not yet even had thanksgiving yet and shops are pushing Christmas everywhere.
I just had a full knee replacement two weeks ago and not feeling like a tree is in the picture for this year. Trying to shop on line, but finding lots of things I would like for me- lol.
I also had to purchase the day flower blue sweater- and the sleeveless sweater to match!
Thanks so much for your daily blogs.
Love them !
Leslie in Ontario