Monday Musings: In Search of Comfort and Clarity
Happy Monday, ladies. This week, I’ve been thinking about what I can actually do while my skin heals from the calcipotriol and 5-fluorouracil cream I’ve been using for actinic keratosis. The scaling is genuinely unnerving. I catch a glimpse in the mirror and think, “Ah yes… reptile chic.” But I know better than to rush the process. Healing takes time. And right now, it also takes gentleness.
A Little Red Light and a Lot of Patience
Most evenings, I’ve gone back to using my red light therapy mask again. I can’t say it’s doing anything dramatic, but it’s not irritating my skin, and that puts it ahead of half the things in my bathroom drawer.
Red light works by encouraging the skin’s natural repair process using specific wavelengths of light. It doesn’t exfoliate, tighten, or peel. It just… supports. Think quiet encouragement, not tough love. Which, frankly, is the only kind of encouragement I have time for these days
My face is feeling tender and a bit worn out, so this red light therapy falls into the “don’t poke the bear” category of care. Which feels like the only category I have energy for right now.
Will it speed things up? Probably not. But it’s non-invasive, low risk, and oddly comforting. I spend the ten minutes listening to soothing spa music and trying to unwind.
When your face has been through the dermatological equivalent of a controlled burn, comfort is no small thing. This feels like a small act of support, and I’m finding that, more and more, support works better than force in skincare and in just about everything else.
My Glamorous Foot News: Try Not To Be Jealous
And in other thrilling news, I finally had my much-anticipated visit with the podiatrist. She seemed young, sharp, and full of ideas. She took a look at the report from my recent X-rays but prefers to view the actual films herself, so I’ve been sent for more X-rays at her own facility. Apparently, the written report mentioned joint narrowing, bone spurs, and arthritis, but she wants to make her own determination. I like that.
As I explained the surgery I had on my other foot twenty years ago, she nodded and immediately understood what had been done. She started walking me through the standard menu of options…steroid injections, orthotics, maybe some physical therapy.
I told her I’d tried all of those with the other foot, and none of them worked. The orthotics were so bulky that they made nearly every shoe unwearable, and PT was basically worthless, so in the end, I needed surgery anyway.
I said that if I’m going to eventually need surgery, I’d rather do it now rather than wait until I’m older, when it’s even harder to recover. I want to stay active. I’m not looking for a patch job…I want it fixed.
She got it, and she didn’t try to talk me out of it, which felt refreshing. She said she’d like me to stay active too and mentioned the possibility of removing the bone spurs and fusing the toe. It’s not glamorous, and it might be effective, but I want a second opinion. I’m seeing her again this week after she’s reviewed the new X-rays, and she’s planning to give me a steroid shot to buy me a little time.
Comfortable Footwear I Can Currently Wear
Meanwhile, I’ve scheduled a second opinion with an orthopedic surgeon in March. I didn’t get a second opinion before my hand surgery, and it didn’t go well. Lesson learned. When it comes to surgery of any kind, one opinion just doesn’t cut it for me.
Style Essence Revisited
Several years ago, I had a virtual consultation with John Kitchener about my style essences…the unique blend of energies that shape how we naturally express ourselves through clothing. He created a custom mix based on how I move, how I carry myself, and how I visually present. Some parts felt spot-on. Others left me curious.
Lately, my wardrobe has felt a bit flat. The outfits technically work, but something’s missing. So I’ve been quietly circling back to that essence blend, curious about how to bring it forward in a way that feels honest and aligned with who I am now.
Essence is based on physical presence, like your facial features, body line, movement, and the visual impression you naturally give off. Most women are a mix. And when you understand that mix, it becomes easier to let go of style rules and dress with more clarity and ease.
One part of my blend included a substantial percentage of feminine, which surprised me. I haven’t gravitated toward traditionally feminine details in decades. I don’t wear frills, and sweet or delicate isn’t how I see myself. So now I’m exploring what that essence might look like, interpreted my way with fluidity and softness, but without tipping into precious.
What I’m Listening To While Knitting
I’m thoroughly enjoying listening to The Chiffon Trenches by André Leon Talley. It’s more than just fashion gossip…though there’s plenty of that. It’s a sharp, deeply personal look at what it was like to move through the highest levels of fashion as a Black man with presence, taste, and opinions in a world that often only wanted two out of three.
Talley shares decades of behind-the-scenes moments with icons like Karl Lagerfeld, Diana Vreeland, and Anna Wintour, offering real insight into their brilliance and their blind spots. There’s glamour, yes, but also quiet loneliness, aging in an image-obsessed industry, and the constant pressure to stay relevant in a world that runs on newness.
It’s high fashion meets high drama, told with elegance, honesty, and a clear eye for both brilliance and ego. I’m hooked!
What I’m Learning Still
Healing takes patience. Whether it’s your skin, your joints, or your sense of style, there’s no fast-forward button. And the older I get, the more I realize that pushing harder rarely helps.
So this week, I’m choosing the gentler route. Quiet rituals. Clear second opinions. And a fresh look at things I thought I had figured out. Sometimes, support looks like a red light mask and spa music. Sometimes, it looks like asking better questions.
Is there something you’ve been trying to power through… that might actually need patience instead of pressure? I’d love to hear.
I meant to say one pair of loafers for dress up!
Ahhh, yes! The dreaded orthotics! I hear you girl! I have been using orthotics in my shoes since 1997. And they wreak havoc with any normal type shoe you want to wear. I am down to three styles I can wear: New balance sneakers because they come in size 8AA (I am on the 12th pair of the same style). Sneakers by ECCO (I have 3 pairs of the same style since they work), and one pair of ECCO sneakers which I wear for dress up. I have not worn a dress except for weddings since 1997. I don’t wear anything dressy because loafers don’t look good with dressy dresses! I have not worn sandals since 1997. So I know the plight of someone who has to use orthotics!
Ooh we definitely can relate to your skin treatment. They did this treatment on my hubby who worked outdoors all his life. Looking back they should have done several light treatments. His face beczme a nightmare of sores, especially on the lips. He was super miserable. What are doctors thinking? Its hard to even eat like that. Hope yours heal quickly. I continue to feel out of sync with the way people dress here in the southwest but am determined to be myself and dress how I like since I’m also nearing 70 and clothes and jewelry I can enjoy without a great energy expenditure.
I realize each person’s results can be different and you have to choose what is right for you. I have had my joints cleaned out, bone spurs removed when I had my bunionectomies. They filled right back up in less than a year and my joint has fused itself, meaning it is frozen, it doesn’t bend at all. No surgery necessary.
I wear shoes with built in orthotics like Vionic, ABEO and such. I also almost always get shoes in a wide when available so they have plenty of breathing room.
Aging is frustrating and not for the weak. I’m with you, I’m all about quality of life. Just tell me what I need to do and let’s getting going.
I love your attitude Kim
Just sharing my foot story: I had a bunionectomy in Nov ’24 and joints removed from toes 2 and 3 to cure the hammertoes. The pain was incredible and the post-op long. This Nov ’25 I had the hardware in the big toe removed so I could possibly bend my toe and wear shoes (vs sneakers). I don’t think I’ll ever wear heels again as my toes can’t bend. Trying to find good looking sandals is hard. Ask your doc what you can expect to wear a year after surgery–I struggle to find something attractive and comfortable. the toe fusion was a success but finding footwear is difficult.
My husband had the tight tendons under his toe snipped (in office procedure for hamnmer toes) and it worked beaitufylly. I wonder why they felt they needed to remove the joints? I’m sorry you’ve had such strugggles.
I turned 80 last February and am finding it to be a rather daunting experience. For more years than I can remember I’ve had a wonky back that has caused me recurrent pain. Shortly after I turned 80 I woke up with severe sciatic pain — and it hasn’t gone away although it has subsided somewhat. This led me to the chiropractor, pain and orthopedic doctors. Chiropractic helps keep things in line but that’s all it can do and two sets of pain shots offered absolutely no relief so I visited the spine doc who said I have four disks bone on bone, scoliosis, stenosis, a twisted pelvis and arthritis. Yikes! The surgery to fix even half of it is invasive and the possibility of full mobility after recuperation is low. So “no” to surgery at this age. My lifestyle is changing to incorporate more intentional care of my back which has included hiring a cleaning lady to mop, vacuum and clean the bathrooms … yeah! And what a difference it is making because I am not irritating an already painful situation. I no longer keep working at something if my back is complaining and I move with more intention. Finally I am taking more care of myself … it’s about time.
I’m so sorry to hear about your back Ann. Thank you so much for sharing your wise decisions.
I love all your shoes because I have foot problems too. No fun! I’m struggling with trying to balance exercise with arthritis. I’m not good at taking breaks and sometimes you just have to slow down. Even if it’s with your red light therapy. That sounds relaxing. Good luck 🤞
I’m sorry about your skin and feet issues. I have a bunion that’s giving me pain and many of my favorite shoes have become unwearable.
I wonder if anyone has experience with the removal of the bunion and what was involved.
It’s pretty common with varying results. Can you ladies share?
I had what I thought was a bunion but turned out to be a bone spur and the base of my big toe. Lived with it with far too long, which made removal more complicated. My fault. In summary:
1. First 3 days after surgery were difficult. Bed rest, foot elevated,
painful. Boot required to walk anywhere, even short distances. Limited time out of resting position.
2. After 3 days, mobility as much as you want to walk with a boot. Shower with a seat and cast cover. Pain eases.
3. Six weeks in a boot if healing on schedule. Several check ups with X rays.
4. Foot is very swollen and tender coming out of boot. Wore Ug like clogs and slippers until swelling went down.
Looking back, glad that I did it. No problems, except for resisting all the cute shoes that I can now wear.
Good Morning Jennifer – I read your blog as I have my breakfast most days. Today it seemed to bear the message I needed to hear most. Some times we really need to be patient – not easy for me, LOL Advanced age does not matter and health or family issues do not respect my plans so I will try to cultivate more patience when life throws a curve ball.
It’s really hard for me too because patience is my second nature.
I sympathise with your foot issues. I stubbed my toe on Christmas day and tried to power through. It hurt but I iced and elevated it periodically and just kept going. After 2 weeks I finally got to the doctor and found out I fractured my toe. I’m wearing a “surgical shoe” which looks like a giant slipper and I have to take it easy for 6 weeks. I’m working on some household projects and knitting for a new grandchild. I hope I can learn to be patient but it’s a struggle. Good luck to you, and I hope your foot can be treated successfully.
Ouch, so sorry to hear. I did that about 15 years ago with two toes and they’ll never look straight again. Our poor feet!
If you’re looking for something that will improve your quality of life please consider Classical stretch. I reccomend it to everyone! I’ve been doing it for 6 years. I have no pains and aches unless I get too busy and miss a couple of days. A session takes less than 30 minutes. Try it out on youtube. I have the DVDs Aging Backwards and Core strengthening. They are by Miranda Esmund White. There is also an entire channel you can subscribe to, Essentrics. The exercises make me feel good, keep my balance, flexability and strength working well. Miranda works your hands and feet to keep you doing all the things you want to do with a spring in your step. After a few months you’ll notice a difference in your body. I’m 77 and still hike and participate in all the activities I want too. The key is doing it regularly!
It looks wonderful!
I’m about to embark on my third winter of using the same compounded chemotherapy cream. In the past I have endured 2 weeks of applying the cream and then 2 weeks off the cream for healing. Then a repeat of this process. I was wondering how many weeks you apply the cream before you stop for healing?
I have only applied it to different spots on my nose but this year I need to apply it to my whole nose. I’m feeling a little frightful about doing so as my skin actually breaks open and bleeds. It’s so uncomfortable!! If anyone has any recommendations to help make this process a little more bearable please share them.
I started with the 4 day, twice a day protocol which brought up many spots and this time she had me use it twice a day for 14 days. I will use it again on other areas because it seem to be working.
Strange, but I think you and I just have common ancestors. I too am using fluorouracil for my actinic keratoses but also am facing removal of a small baddie on my upper lip. Not to mention upcoming surgery to fuse collapsed bones in my sky-high arches. Anything to ease the pain. Not a fun time. Hang in there and do keep us posted on your recovery.
Isn’t it all fun? Good luck with your surgery Noelle. All we can do is smile and keep on keeping on. I’m hoping to do it with as much grace as possible.
Today I start listening to the Andre Leon Talley audio book, thanks to you. I have a degree in clothing and textiles so I am always fascinated by stories like his. Fashion has taken a back seat due to the extra 60 lbs I have gained but I am working very hard and have made more new adjustments in that area. I cleaned out my closet and makeup as per your recent emails. You are so right fixing weight, skin, life etc is a slow journey but we can all do it if it is at the top of our priority list. Finally this is my top priority. Best Wishes, Love and Prayers to you and this community you have lovingly built.
You will find him fascinating. I also love how elegant he is. I’m glad you’ve joined us here Linda!
Just ordered your tennis from FitFlop along with two other styles to compare fit and comfort. Also want to pass along that they offer 15% discount to customers over 65!
Awesome!
Hi Jennifer,
I can’t begin to understand your foot pain. I’ve got issues but not severe. But, my husband suff ered painful bunions, fused bug toes and second toes that turned 90 degrees causing caluses that flustered with infection for 50 years. After trying every toe separator, cushion, wrap, multiple orthotics and foot treatments, he finally found the answer. He had the second toe on each foot amputated. Severe-yes, difficult-no and perfectly successful. He is thrilled to put all that behind him. This may not be appropriate for your issues, but I hope it serves to encourage you to keep looking for the right answer. Bless you.
I am responding to your foot journey. 69 year old physical therapist ( retired) here. I fractured my ankle- trimalleolar fracture and researched a surgeon. In Virginia Dr Oliver Schipper at the Andrrson Clinic is an orthopedic surgeon who only does foot and ankle. my outcome is fabulous. He just did surgery on my daughter’s foot – extreme flat foot and severe bunion- and her outcome is superb. No fused toe! For complex foot surgery, please avoid podiatrists and get a foot and ankle orthopedic surgeon. Call the Anderson Clinic in Va. and see if they have a recommendation where you live.
Retired MD here. Also a Kathy! Agree 100%+ with Cathy’s sage advice. Your feet take hundreds of pounds of physical “load” with every step for every day you remain able to walk. Never have surgery on the bottom (plantar surface) of your feet. Surgery can be very effective if done by a foot/ankle orthopedic surgeon with specialty training. Though equally effective podiatrists are out there, they are very rare. Always get second opinions and be willing if possible to travel to where the best doctors are located. Good luck to all! Many of us just live with moderate aches and limited footwear options!
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. I agree
Thanks, Cathy. I am inclined to use a surgeon for any surgery, so thanks for the recommendation. I will call to see if they know anyone locally who can be recommended.
Think long and hard before getting a toe fused. My right big toe was fused in bunion surgery 5 years ago and it changed the way I walk, caused a long recovery and another toe surgery, and messed up my right knee.
Second opinions really are necessary when discussing surgery, especially. I had meniscus surgery on tight knee, from above toe surgery, and was told I needed knee replacement. Got second opinion from a surgeon who did rotator surgery on my right shoulder, who told me I didn’t need it and did hyaluronic (sp) acid infections instead. It took a while to see a difference, but it worked.
That is exactly why I’m hesitant about fusing my toe. I know it will have an impact up the line, so to speak. My knee and hips joints are already wonky,
Jennifer, I love reading your thoughts and inspiration. You write with such creativity and intelligence . Thank you for sharing your ideas and parts of your life.
Kathy
Just want to contribute my experience with foot surgery- removing on big bone spur and refusing the big toe. I avoided this procedure for years- dreaded the downtime and was skeptical about the outcome. Found the right surgeon and had the procedure 2 years ago. I am so happy that I did. Coincidentally, saw the surgeon again last year. In an update, told him that he did not warn me about all of the side effects. He looked confused and asked what he missed. I told him that I kept blowing my budget on new shoes because now so many fit properly.
LOL, I’m so glad it went well for you. I should not have put this off for so long. Avoiding dealing with this toe was not smart.
Hi Jennifer,
I’m trying to “power through” the next five months to the age of my retirement – 66 and 10 months. I know I should enjoy each day and be present for each moment. Instead, I’m trying to power through. I want my days to go fast because I’m so very ready to retire – and have been for the last 6 years. If there was a way to time travel, I’d zip ahead to the brighter, greener future I envision for myself. The reality is that I can’t. I also want to be healthy five months from now so am trying to walk more and went back to lifting weights. Not the weights I lifted in my 20’s and 30’s. No more 2-hour workouts four days a week. My body does best when I exercise about 2-3 days a week for 30 minutes to an hour. This can be frustrating for someone like me, who considered herself an athlete at one time. Now I finally have to listen to my body. I’m trying to lose weight and am using a phone app called “Simple”, which I highly recommend. Weight loss is slow too. One pound a week or less. I think what I’m learning most at this age is how to be patient with myself. And yes, I should slow down and enjoy each and every moment and after writing this maybe I will. Maybe. 🙂
I understand the desire to power through! My husband keeps saying, “it’ll all work out”, but that isn’t my natural vibe 🙂