Monday Musings: In Search of Comfort and Clarity
Happy Monday, ladies. This week, I’ve been thinking about what I can actually do while my skin heals from the calcipotriol and 5-fluorouracil cream I’ve been using for actinic keratosis. The scaling is genuinely unnerving. I catch a glimpse in the mirror and think, “Ah yes… reptile chic.” But I know better than to rush the process. Healing takes time. And right now, it also takes gentleness.
A Little Red Light and a Lot of Patience
Most evenings, I’ve gone back to using my red light therapy mask again. I can’t say it’s doing anything dramatic, but it’s not irritating my skin, and that puts it ahead of half the things in my bathroom drawer.
Red light works by encouraging the skin’s natural repair process using specific wavelengths of light. It doesn’t exfoliate, tighten, or peel. It just… supports. Think quiet encouragement, not tough love. Which, frankly, is the only kind of encouragement I have time for these days
My face is feeling tender and a bit worn out, so this red light therapy falls into the “don’t poke the bear” category of care. Which feels like the only category I have energy for right now.
Will it speed things up? Probably not. But it’s non-invasive, low risk, and oddly comforting. I spend the ten minutes listening to soothing spa music and trying to unwind.
When your face has been through the dermatological equivalent of a controlled burn, comfort is no small thing. This feels like a small act of support, and I’m finding that, more and more, support works better than force in skincare and in just about everything else.
My Glamorous Foot News: Try Not To Be Jealous
And in other thrilling news, I finally had my much-anticipated visit with the podiatrist. She seemed young, sharp, and full of ideas. She took a look at the report from my recent X-rays but prefers to view the actual films herself, so I’ve been sent for more X-rays at her own facility. Apparently, the written report mentioned joint narrowing, bone spurs, and arthritis, but she wants to make her own determination. I like that.
As I explained the surgery I had on my other foot twenty years ago, she nodded and immediately understood what had been done. She started walking me through the standard menu of options…steroid injections, orthotics, maybe some physical therapy.
I told her I’d tried all of those with the other foot, and none of them worked. The orthotics were so bulky that they made nearly every shoe unwearable, and PT was basically worthless, so in the end, I needed surgery anyway.
I said that if I’m going to eventually need surgery, I’d rather do it now rather than wait until I’m older, when it’s even harder to recover. I want to stay active. I’m not looking for a patch job…I want it fixed.
She got it, and she didn’t try to talk me out of it, which felt refreshing. She said she’d like me to stay active too and mentioned the possibility of removing the bone spurs and fusing the toe. It’s not glamorous, and it might be effective, but I want a second opinion. I’m seeing her again this week after she’s reviewed the new X-rays, and she’s planning to give me a steroid shot to buy me a little time.
Comfortable Footwear I Can Currently Wear
Meanwhile, I’ve scheduled a second opinion with an orthopedic surgeon in March. I didn’t get a second opinion before my hand surgery, and it didn’t go well. Lesson learned. When it comes to surgery of any kind, one opinion just doesn’t cut it for me.
Style Essence Revisited
Several years ago, I had a virtual consultation with John Kitchener about my style essences…the unique blend of energies that shape how we naturally express ourselves through clothing. He created a custom mix based on how I move, how I carry myself, and how I visually present. Some parts felt spot-on. Others left me curious.
Lately, my wardrobe has felt a bit flat. The outfits technically work, but something’s missing. So I’ve been quietly circling back to that essence blend, curious about how to bring it forward in a way that feels honest and aligned with who I am now.
Essence is based on physical presence, like your facial features, body line, movement, and the visual impression you naturally give off. Most women are a mix. And when you understand that mix, it becomes easier to let go of style rules and dress with more clarity and ease.
One part of my blend included a substantial percentage of feminine, which surprised me. I haven’t gravitated toward traditionally feminine details in decades. I don’t wear frills, and sweet or delicate isn’t how I see myself. So now I’m exploring what that essence might look like, interpreted my way with fluidity and softness, but without tipping into precious.
What I’m Listening To While Knitting
I’m thoroughly enjoying listening to The Chiffon Trenches by André Leon Talley. It’s more than just fashion gossip…though there’s plenty of that. It’s a sharp, deeply personal look at what it was like to move through the highest levels of fashion as a Black man with presence, taste, and opinions in a world that often only wanted two out of three.
Talley shares decades of behind-the-scenes moments with icons like Karl Lagerfeld, Diana Vreeland, and Anna Wintour, offering real insight into their brilliance and their blind spots. There’s glamour, yes, but also quiet loneliness, aging in an image-obsessed industry, and the constant pressure to stay relevant in a world that runs on newness.
It’s high fashion meets high drama, told with elegance, honesty, and a clear eye for both brilliance and ego. I’m hooked!
What I’m Learning Still
Healing takes patience. Whether it’s your skin, your joints, or your sense of style, there’s no fast-forward button. And the older I get, the more I realize that pushing harder rarely helps.
So this week, I’m choosing the gentler route. Quiet rituals. Clear second opinions. And a fresh look at things I thought I had figured out. Sometimes, support looks like a red light mask and spa music. Sometimes, it looks like asking better questions.
Is there something you’ve been trying to power through… that might actually need patience instead of pressure? I’d love to hear.
I had an extremely bad bunion on right foot (big toe at right angle under the other toes), resulting in the next toe developing a hammertoe. The orthopedic foot/ankle surgeon shaved off a bit of the big toe bone (toe is now shorter) and fused the hammertoe. DO NOT FUSE A TOE! Since the surgery (10 years ago), my right foot is canted to the right, constantly twisted my ankle and cannot walk properly. He insists that my issues have nothing to do with the surgery; however, I did not have those issues prior to the surgery. The bunion on the right foot started to re-appear and I’m putting off seeking treatment but know that I will need to. It will mean at least 3 weeks completely off my feet and then a boot and either crutches or a scooter. The bunion surgery on my left foot (bunion was not as bad) went beautifully. Seek at least one additional opinion, if not several. Be very careful of fusing.
Thanks for sharing your experience Christi. Fusing the toe really concerns me so I’m getting a second, and if need be, a third opinion.
I forgot to mention that the fused toe was skinny and flat on the bottom and developed a callous on the edge where my foot turned to the outside. Good luck!
Ouch, thanks for letting me know
I had bunion surgery in October and am still in pain from it. My shoe options are limited to flats–mostly sneakers and Keen boots. I honestly feel your pain. I want to be active but my feet hurt and that slows me down. I also have an upcoming wedding and am dreading trying to find footwear that I can walk in.
Good luck to you on your foot healing journey!
I’m so sorry to hear that.
After reading so many comments I realized I needed to add my experience with bunion surgery and hammer toe as well as arthritis and torn meniscus! It seems we all have some similar problems. I am a 75 year old retired teacher of Family and Consumer Sciences. I have 14 grandchildren and all but two are under the age of 13. So I still have to be on my feet and I wear mostly Taos tennis shoes and sandals which are sooo comfortable. They are podiatrist recommended for many foot issues. I wore my sandals walking on cobblestones throughout a European Cruise this past fall. I order them online from their website after reading comments. They have cute styles that don’t look orthopedic. I have some Fit flop shoes which most styles tend to be wider. They are also comfortable.
I use Earthing sheets and pillowcases on my bed. Check out Earthing.com. I started this after a garden club friend (who is a retired RN) told me to try it when I had a torn meniscus. Dr prescribed physical therapy and I did Earthing on my own. I didn’t require surgery and even though my Dr. said I had arthritis I don’t have pain. I also sleep well when I’m on my Earthing sheet. There is an Earthing movie you can watch on the website to explain it.
I love all the advice you give Jennifer. You are so open to share your ails and seasons of life with us. It opens us up to the things we are all going through that is not talked about in modern media! Thank you!
I will check it out, thank you Linda
“Asking better questions”.
I like that. That resonates with me.
My husband and I have been doing that the last few months regarding our home. Surprising answers when your questions open new possibilities.
I am trying to do that with my intentions for the year ahead.
Now I need to do that with how I chose to present myself with clothes and in other ways.
I’m right there with you and the foot issues. Getting older sure isn’t for sissies, is it?! I’m going to check into a couple of your shoe recommendations. Curious if you take a wide width? I like the shoes you’re wearing in the photo, but not sure if they’d be wide enough for my bunion. Good luck and thanks for keeping us updated on your treatments.
I can wear both but more and more, I need wides.
The foot issues are tough but wanted to share something with you that has helped a lot. I had forefoot reconstructive surgery on both feet – one in 2017 and one in 2018. I was non weight bearing for 8 week each time. Sadly, I began developing osteoarthritis in my left foot shortly after surgery. I am very active and the pain was really interfering with my daily life. I had moved to a new state and went to see a new surgeon. Only option presented was another surgery (14 week recovery, physical therapy and pain killers). Was also told that the arthritis might progress and naturally fuse the foot. I started a search to find something to give me some relief. I lost a great deal of muscle mass after the first two surgeries that has taken a long time to redevelop so the surgery and long recovery was not the least bit appealing.
I purchased a red light therapy device that offers red and near-infrared treatment. I have been using it for about three months. The pain relief and inflammation reduction has been nothing short of amazing. Am I totally pain free? No, but at least 75% improved. I am walking /hiking daily and doing low impact aerobics and weight training. My husband is also using it on his lower leg due to circulation issues and it has reduced swelling and healed some open sores.
I hope that whatever route you choose, you get long lasting relief.
That’s amazing Pam! Where did you buy yours?
Yes, feet problems abound, if only we had known in our youth not to to wear heels we would suffer less. I like your blog for encouraging common sense with our style, am so angry when people on social media tell us to wear pointy shoes, high heels, etc etc. Their turn may come, hopefully not, but they need to get real! Thank you for keeping it real.
I echo the recommendation of Classical Stretch or Essentrics movement. The beauty of it is that it mobilizes and lubricates all our joints and connective tissue. So… twice a week faithfully done works wonders. I attend live classes when i can, and stream it online when I travel via my lap top. We’re all aging, and it’s such a relief to find a movement program that makes us feel and move better. Deanna, while travelling in Hawaii, and still doing my Essntrics.
We are cleaning the house and I am also doing laundry. I’m 81 and disabled with a chronic pain issue and osteoarthritis severe in both hands and feet. I did get a total knee replacement back in 2013, I think. My knee is like new. My husband is fit and thin and 84. He takes on the brunt of the housework. Someone suggested having a cleaning person come in for floors, vacuuming and bathrooms. I actually suggested it to my husband a few minutes ago. Now is the time to put this in our budget for twice a month and we can fill in between when needed. He is finally seriously considering it. We do get out with our little dog Trixy for a mile a day walking our sidewalks in our neighborhood. I just want to give all of you a hug for the pain and problems you are experiencing. Thank you Jennifer for this very important and caring post today. Rest, heal physically and mentally this week and actually part of everyday. If not now when?
Sydney from Colorado
Thank you so much Sydney!
I had two surgeries on my feet 8 years ago for osteoarthritis in both big toes and a hammertoe. Like you, I was offered PT and steroid injections, but opted to get surgery at 65 In hopes of a better recovery than I might expect a few years down the road. My painful big toes caused two bad falls before I even sought treatment. I fell and broke a knee—I wouldn’t wish 6 weeks of crutches on my worst enemy. After that, I fell and broke 5 ribs—v painful.
My surgeon was wonderful, I did everything he suggested and embraced PT. I still do my toe, ankle, and foot exercises everyday. I do wear orthotics and it does limit my footwear choices. But, I’ve decided that I don’t care—being pain free and stable is worth everything. I’m always dressed well from my ankles up and that is working for me.
I wear Altra trainers and have many pairs. Jennifer, while your feet are so painful I recommend Altra in the Torin model. It has a wide toe box and is well cushioned. In those rare events that I can’t excuse my Altras, I wear Camper flats for as short a time as possible.
I know through my own experience that I need to accept some limitations as I age. But that doesn’t mean I have to let anything else “go.” I work on my posture, my complexion, my fitness, and always have a sharp hairstyle. If anyone gives me a stink eye about my footwear, I just say foot surgery, which ends any disapproval. I don’t need to tell them it was 8 years ago! Haha!
I love your attitude Terry
As always a very interesting post! I’m very interested in hearing more about style essence. Thank you for all wonderful information!
Dee
Hi Jennifer – I hope your healing process is successful. You have a great attitude towards the healing process. And, on the refreshing joy of orthotics! I’ve been wearing them for 20 years. Having problematic feet, I had switched to flats much earlier, but the orthotics have really limited the shoe choices for me. I still mourn for Munro. I wear a C or D width depending on the shoe. The only brands I’ve found so far with wide widths and removable footbeds are Vionic, Hoka and Drew. So many brands have one width these days, and that doesn’t work for my feet. I love the Vionic Winny sneakers – they come in some fun colors; and the Uptown Mary Janes are a bit more dressy. I’m really resistant to wearing the serious Drew orthotic shoes, but some days they are a real relief.
On the “patience” front, my plans for January have been completely derailed. My husband and I were going to do a big purge and schedule haulers so that we could reclaim our rumpus room. We’ve been storing things from my parents’ house since we cleaned it out to sell. My siblings have all had enough time to take what they would like – and I’m ready to let go of the rest. It’s a melancholy task, and I’d like to get it over with….but my husband and I have spent January on a variety of medical appointments and procedures – the most important being for his back pain. It’s hard to move big things around when the bulging discs flare up. Hoping we can get back on track in February.
I suggest hiring a few strong young men to help move the heavy things!
Personally I’m a fan of the rest cure – it works every time for me. Plus, I’ve found that getting a third opinion on medical procedures has been extremely helpful. Sometimes, I’ve been faced with less than optimal choices and choosing the least bad one can be complicated especially when a “fix” is not guaranteed.
Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for your wise, quiet reflections. I relate and this year I am exploring ways to free time to make relaxing, creative moments.
As far as powering through, I’m pelted with chronic physical ailments so I’m trying to keep a positive attitude. Despite symptoms, test results, and others’ expectations, as long as I can I will continue my exercise classes and hiking and even some mountain climbing.
What I also want to say today – you are a good writer and I really enjoy reading your blog. Please keep being a voice for us mature women.
Thanks for being here Dorothy!
Hi Jennifer! I appreciate your comments about your facial treatment. I, too, am using the cream this winter and it’s a long process but so necessary. I normally opt for the blue light therapy but sometimes I feel the ability to cream every area is more thorough although time consuming in the long run. Please keep us posted…I’m so curious as I know no other friends who are experiencing the same. Thanks so much!
This one today hit the mark for me. I am almost 6 weeks post surgery for a new hip. This one gave out last Dec. 2024. my wait for the surgery was surprisingly short. This past August of 25 the other threw in the towel. All due to osteoarthritis. Haven’t ventured out except for physio. My non surgical leg is impeding the exercises I must do for the new hip. Very frustrating. I normally work 2. Or more days a week in my volunteer role of convening the local hospital thrift shop and I’m missing that as well! I’m in charge of clothing, fashion shows, window displays as well as other logistical tasks that I share with 2 other convenors. That’s my sob story…getting old is for the birds! Lol. I remember an old aunt who had a needlework on the wall…”youth is wasted on the young!” Love your genuineness. S
Hang in there Sharon, we are all pulling for you! Your role at the hospital will be waiting for you, when you can get back to it.
I know all about orthotics! Have been using them since 1997 and they wreak havoc with wearing any “normal” type of shoe. I have been wearing the same style of sneakers by New Balance for years. I am now on the 12th pair of the same style! I have 3 pairs of the same style of ECCO since they work. And one pair of ECCO loafers for dress up. I only wear skirts or dresses at weddings since I don’t like wearing loafers with dresses. Along with the orthotics, I have narrow heels so shoes fall off, bunions, and a wide upper foot. So mostly tie shoes work for me! Good luck solving your foot issue. Pain is no fun!
I had surgery for bunions and afterwards had orthotics made. I selected 2 pairs, 1 for sneakers, and 1 for more dressy shoes. When buying new shoes, I always take my dress orthotics and see if it fits the shoes, sometimes you have to up a half size. But, I have worn them religiously since my surgery in my 30’s and I am now 72. To build the correct orthotics, they made plaster casts of each foot. You need a better orthopedist.
What a great post today! You touched on several topics that resonate with me. Pain and patience–my sister just gifted me a copy of The Mindful Body, and I am eager to read it. I hope it will be helpful.
I really enjoyed that book