Monday Musings: On Trying New Things, Even When It Feels Unfamiliar
Happy Monday, ladies. This week I’ve been thinking about making new friends and how long it’s been since my nervous system truly relaxed.
We joined two clubs last week, partly because we’re new to town and wanted to get more connected in our community, but also because making friends at this age doesn’t happen automatically anymore.
There’s no natural structure, the way there was when our children were young. Back then, friendships formed all the time, with little effort. You stood on the sidelines at a soccer game long enough, or waited through enough ballet classes, and eventually you started talking to the same people over and over again. Familiarity did most of the work for you, and natural connections formed and grew over the years.
Now, there is no sideline. You have to put yourself in the room on purpose.
I’ll admit, it feels a little awkward. Not terrible, just unfamiliar. Especially for an introvert like me (yes its true). You walk in, aware that everyone else seems to know where they belong, and you’re not quite sure where to stand or how long to linger. It reminds me of the first day at a new school, except now you have decades of life experience and still feel oddly unsure of yourself in that moment.
What’s different now is that friendships aren’t formed out of necessity. They’re formed out of choice. And choice requires more intention. You have to decide to go. Decide to introduce yourself. Decide to come back again, even if the first time feels inconclusive.
I don’t expect instant friendships. But I would like to find them over time. And familiarity… to recognize someone and be recognized in return. To have small conversations that feel a little less tentative each time.
That’s usually how it begins…with repetition and shared space. It may take longer now, but it’s still possible.
I’m curious how you’ve made friends at this stage of life. Did it happen naturally, or did you have to be more deliberate about putting yourself in new places?
I suspect many of us are figuring this out as we go.
Accupuncture
I’m also thinking about acupuncture.
I met a practitioner at a sound bath a few weeks ago and was fortunate to get an appointment with her last week. She’s also my daughter’s Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor, which made it easier to walk in and trust the process.
We spent time talking before anything began. Not just about my symptoms (of which there are many…), but about how I’ve been feeling overall. Once I was on the table, she placed the needles and checked my pulse frequently, watching how my body responded. At one point, she said that when she calmed one area, another would react. My system wasn’t settling all at once.
That sounded familiar.
The best part was certainly how I felt afterward. I was deeply calm. Not tired, just relaxed in a way that felt unfamiliar. I remember thinking I could easily lie down and nap, which never happens to me in the middle of the day.
It made me realize how accustomed I’ve become to carrying a low level of tension without noticing it. It had quietly become my normal.
Many years ago, I had an integrative medicine physician who was also trained in acupuncture, and I trusted her deeply. When she moved away, I lost that layer of support and have missed it ever since. This experience reminded me what it feels like when your nervous system finally lets go.
I’ve always believed in being open to different ways of supporting the body, especially when they work alongside good medical care.
So with that in mind, I’m curious if any of you have tried acupuncture? And what other ways are you unwinding tension these days?
My boss SWEARS by regular acupuncture (and massage). I have a massage regularly but have been considering acupuncture as well and am further intrigued by the experience you described. I’ve also been giving thought to making friends as a mid-50s person who might be living in a new town in the next few years (post-retirement) so I look forward to future posts on your journey in this area.
I’m also an introvert in new situations and I’m more introverted as I get older. For me, doing something else while talking with people makes it easier. I love to knit and and doing a knitting drop in (eventually) led to friendships. I also go to the same exercise class at the same time and have met people that way.
Friendships do develop over time. It takes shared experiences together to create a history upon which the friendship is developed. I expect it can also occur with multiple conversations that lead to familiarity. Hobbies and a little part-time job have helped to meet acquaintances and develop a couple of friendships. Since I’m also an introvert, acquaintances sometimes fit the bill as less time and commitment is required.
I have done acupuncture several times for different injuries. I am deathly afraid of needles but acupuncture has helped me every time. I love it!!! I have not tried it for anxiety but I know people who swear by it for anxiety
I just wish my insurance covered it….I’d go more often….
My insurance doesn’t cover it either which doesn’t seem right.
I’ve been going to an orthopedic acupuncturist for neck and shoulder pain. She combines deep knowledge of anatomy with eastern acupuncture techniques. In practice that means using dry needling, electro stimulation, and gwasha more than focusing on the energy meridians. It’s helped me a lot.
Boy, have you hit the nail on the head. Because of my husband’s job, we’ve moved numerous times with several times being overseas. I’m not complaining because I loved it! But our last move before retirement was to a city that has never felt like home and with our four kids scattered across the country, we’re at a loss as to where we’ll end up. Like you said, it was easy with kids, but I’m dreading our final move and trying to make new friends in my 70’s. Thank you for sharing – glad to see I’m not alone!
Ah, making new friends in my 60s. It is getting lucky if you find a dear friend and puting yourself out there to widen the circle. I am an introvert and still working so I have a few great neighbours and one long-time friend nearby who will likely move away soon to be with her only daughter. The rest have all moved to other towns and I only connect by phone. Im not really interested in more right now. My husband retired 5 years ago and has friends of his own. I will likely connect more through volunteer activities when I retire.
So many reflections!
As to acupuncture, I had a mild stroke in 2017 (a “1” on the NIH scale…IYKYK) and was left with a constant “pins and needles “ on the right side of my face. Went to acupuncture and I would have good “same day” relief but it didn’t last. PCP advised that whatever aftereffects I had after 6 months would be permanent, and that has proved true. I am fine with it all and consider myself blessed that it wasn’t worse. And haven’t had another stroke!
As for making friends…..I have found that a shared activity is the key. When I left the corporate world and full time work, I explored multiple interests. Cooking and gardening were solitary. The book club didn’t work out; golf (at our club) did; and so did watercolor painting classes, but it took a few years because there were already established friendships. Had to wait for other “newcomers”. You have to keep trying and be patient. As (perhaps) like you, no one would guess that I have a hard time “breaking in”. I think they view me as a stronger personality……but that’s the external me.
Hi Jennifer,
At the end of 2024, at the age of 73, I moved from being a lifelong New Englander to becoming a resident of Michigan. I moved because my only son and his wife were about to have a baby, and they really wanted my moral support. I have to say that I have a number of friendly acquaintances, but no friends. I have joined 2 choruses, and a few groups. It’s slow going. I am thankful to have some dear friends in New England with whom I talk and email and text and see on Zoom. I talk to my sister, who lives in New England. I am not exactly an introvert, but I’m not totally an extrovert. I do my best, and I am content with life here. As for acupuncture, I had a wonderful acupuncturist in Massachusetts, and miss her greatly.
That’s a big change for you. It sounds like you’re not realy settled.
I have you followed since at least before your husband retired. Then there were the camper adventures. Then you moved to be closer to your grandson. Are you in California or where your daughter is. I have been babysitting my new granddaughter for the last year and have not had time to keep up with anyone 🙃
I have two places. A home in California near my son and grandsons, and we rent a condo near my daughter in Vancouver so we are able to go back and forth.
I enjoyed your comments about making new friends in the later stages of our lives.
I’m not a person with a ton of close friends though I have a friend from childhood and one from college. I made newer friends after our last move to MI in 1988 that I am close to now.
Then life happened. My bestie from 1966 forward moved to MN to be near her son and family. Worse my newest friend who was my neighbor and walking buddy for 12 years passed away suddenly 2 years ago in January.
Adjustments in relationships are
harder as we age but friends are a vital part of our lives ( I’m an only child. No sibs to lean on) So thumbs up to you as you reach out to make these connections.
C
Change is so hard but we do have to roll with them.
I’ve found acupuncture very helpful. when nothing else works Acupuncture works. Of course it has to be with the right person. I’ve often fallen asleep on the table.
Where have you moved to? I missed that.
We haven’t moved, we rent a condo in Vancouver and go back and forth to California
What a wonderful post today! I agree, it isn’t as natural or easy to make friends as we age. When I retired, we got a little dog. Through her, we’ve met every family in my neighborhood with young children or a dog. Sweet Karman is an extrovert, I am an introvert. She’s opened doors for me. Through her I met another retired neighbor and we started a neighborhood retirees bookclub—so much fun, we hold nothing back. Through my dog, I met another younger neighbor with a cute, friendly dog. She invited me to join her bookclub, which I’ve done. I’m making friends but share your feelings of awkwardness and some anxiety about not “messing it up.” I’m also still hoping to make a new dear friend of the heart. Stress, yes, me too. I’m restarting a meditation practice and am hoping it will help. Thanks again to you and all the commenters for a truly inspired post!
Our closest friends now at our ages of 77 and 79 are friends we have made over our political beliefs and leanings. It started with one couple who also was frustrated with the direction of local as well as national politics. They had like-minded friends, we had like-minded friends and our group grew. We now meet once a month for lunch and talk where all talk is not political, but we know how each one feels however. We support each other on social media posts and appreciate having friends who we know believe as we do.
I tries acupuncture for knee pain years ago. It didn’t help and I ended up having surgery after all. But it was kind of relaxing in an odd-sensation kind of way. Regarding making friends…golf leagues, book clubs, art classes are great ways to meet other women. I’d add pickleball but the aforementioned knees aren’t a big fan of that activity.
Love accupuncture . I went for my back issues, but the relaxed feeling afterwards was amazing. One session she also took care of my jet lag that I didn’t even realize I had!
On acupuncture, I have nothing to offerbut wish I did. On making friends through my yoga classes ( I’m 79-will be 80 later in 2026) has been a bit easy. One woman I really enjoyed was so outgoing and we’ve shared lunches,
Met at Senior Center activities to sit together, attended concerts and just talked. Eventually her daughters decided she should move closer to them ( out of our State). She accepted.
I’ve met other friends at yoga classes (I attend 3 classes a week) but none quite like her. I see friendships formed at book club too.
Do you think because you travel back and forth between Vancouver and your California home quite frequently this might play into the idea of being a regular, or not a regular?
I’m quite introverted too, Jennifer but I tend to be here a lot- therefore a regular at yoga, Tai chi, book clubs. Good luck at your two new clubs; just ask questions as people live to talk to a caring person! You are that!
Thanks Paulette
When I retired, I started teaching myself to quilt. So I went into a quilt store, bought fabrics, joined a quilting group that met there monthly which brought me new friends, joined a quilt guild which brought me more new friends, and one of those friends got me knitting! It’s like a ball of rubber bands – just keeps growing! Can you tell me what shoes (boots?) you are wearing in the lead in photo? They look like they would be great travel shoes. Thanks for all the ideas you throw at us!
Jeannette in STL
They are old Munro booties and I adore them. Sadly the company closed down last year so I treasure them even more.
I have met many nice people after retiring a few of who have become good friends. I do believe you have to put yourself out there. Try new groups and things. I have the three time rule. First time to a new group you are most likely going to feel uncomfortable. I go the second time . I go the third time. Then on the third time if I still don’t feel right or like the group I stop. I do believe you have to give it more than one time when you are starting up cold with a group. Most of the time I am quite comfortable by the third time.
I tried acupuncture once and I was in such pain that I never went back nor did I try another acupuncturist.
I joined a Newcomers club when I retired to Vancouver Island. Through that I joined various clubs and met other ladies that way. I also engaged with my neighbours, inviting them to join us for a drink or the ladies for coffee. It is harder as we get older to approach and befriend people. We just need to put our big girl panties on and go up to others to start a chat. You never know who might become a friend.
Yup, that’s what it takes 🙂