Putting Down Roots
Happy Wednesday ladies. My posts have been sporadic lately and I thought I would explain why. My husband and I have struggled with where to retire for some time so last year we decided to kick ourselves in the pants into high gear. Although we had no clear vision of where we wanted to live, we sold our home and rented a house in an active retirement community. We wanted to be sure we liked the area and lifestyle before buying a house.
We haven’t rented since college so this has been interesting. It’s refreshing to simply call the landlord when the air conditioning breaks (twice), or the sink leaks or the blind breaks. Not having the financial or personal responsibility to repair things is lovely. What’s not lovely is being told your lease isn’t being renewed.
Two weeks ago our landlord let us know they plan to renovate this house and move in. Our carefree enjoyment quickly turned to anxiety and we recognized the major downside to renting is that you have no control over how long you can live in a place.
Never mind that you have to live with someone else’s tacky drapes, and outdated appliances. I ignored the boring white walls, but quite honestly… I hate not being able to put my stamp on a place. I also miss seeing my favorite things which we mercifully left packed in boxes, stacked in the garage.
Moving is a monumental pain and very stressful. We haven’t come close to finding our be all and end all house to stay in for the rest of our lives, but we sure don’t want to move often.
We started viewing open houses here a few weeks ago but things are pretty scarce. We’ve got a trip planned to Palm Springs and plan to look at houses while we’re there. Housing prices are lower in Palm Spring and many people happily retire there but I’m not sure I want to move that far away from everything I’ve known for the last 41 years.
My only grandson is here which is priceless and we have lifelong friendships we continue to nurture that are a short 2-hour drive away. Starting over where we don’t know anyone doesn’t really appeal but we’re keeping our options open.
I didn’t attempt to put down any roots here because I knew it was temporary but this has made me realize I prefer roots. Unlike my adventurous mother, I don’t have a gypsy type bone in my body. So although I love to travel, I am a homebody at heart and want a home of my own.
I’ll keep you posted on our adventures looking for a new home. Between you and I, I secretly hope it needs renovating so we can make it look and function exactly the way we like.
Have you moved in retirement?
How smooth was the process for you?
Thanks for reading and have a great day.
In July 2018 I sold my 3-bedroom house located in Madison, Wisconsin. I decided to sell because I just did not have the passion and enthusiasm to keep up with the constant home maintenance tasks involved with home ownership. I took great pride in my home and worked with “gusto” on keeping it looking great. My house sold in seven hours for considerably more than my asking price. For years I talked about moving to Florida, but ultimately chosse to relocate to Tucson, AZ. I decided that I did not want to own any property, and found an apartment to rent. I love it; no responsibility except to pay the rent and the utility bills. I also like the climate here; no humidity–no hurricanes like Florida endures. I moved here knowing only a few acquaintances–no lomg time friends, no children, no grandchildren. I just jumped right in and sought out experiences that exposed me to new challenges and new people. In other words, I totally got out of my confort zone. I have no regrets, especially when I see the negative temperatures that the midwest is currently experiencing.
That sounds so exciting!! You’re very brave and I’m glad it workec out so well for you.
How unsettling having to move before you have found your forever home. I do feel for you and would hate to be in your shoes right now. Fingers crossed you find a forever home soon. Jill x
Thank you Jill
Oh, how frustrating! I hope you find a place you love. I don’t like where I am right now and have a 2-4 year time horizon. I’m putting down light roots – forging friendships with a few people I’d travel to go see when I move – but not establishing much of a base other than that. Everything I do to the house has resale value in mind, which is fine but not really me. It’s an odd feeling for sure. I miss the city terribly and visit it often. It’s odd to be homesick at home, but there it is. I hope your dream place appears quickly. Xx
I understand Jen. You’re in a tough time fame and spot but handling it with more grace and elegance than most women could. Hang in there. You’re an elegant inspiration. Xx
Lived in an urban community for 30 years with my hubby and raised three kids there and when my husband took his retirement we left our community and two of our grandboys and daughter and moved to a property closr to a small lake and about 14 miles from a Great Lake. Huron.Lovely community but after almost 3 years here, I still miss my former community. And friends and family. Good luck to you on your move..Home will always be where the heart is!
That’s really tough Susan. Are you stuck there or could you change location?
I am glad that you had a trip planned to Palm Springs – it could be a “God thing” in bringing you here at this time!
I live here part time (Indian Wells) and absolutely love it. Folks that live here full time just plan to spend some time away during the summer and it sounds like you have that covered. Housing is relatively reasonable, there are great cultural events here during the season, decent medical facilities and really, really nice people that just love living in this beautiful paradise????. You can be as active or relaxed as you want to be…
If I can answer any questions for you while you are out here, just let me know.
Thank you so much Susan. I’d love to connect with you and chat.
Hello tp Penelope from another Penelope!
Would I leave my 100 year old home in a historic neighborhood, where I can enjoy a variety of ages and hear children laughing and look forward to trick or treaters and lemonade stands? Plus all the urban amenities.
There are no guarantees the grandchildren will have the time to spend with you. They grow up and scatter cross-country.
My children and grandkids like knowing that the family home is here to come back to. It’s a constant in their lives.
Jennifer! Look how many people care about you! Your posts are great…loved the recent pink pants!
We live in Tennessee! I grew up here but Newyorker hubby has learned to love it…we are retired here now and love the climate and a retirement area close to us has lakes and over 100 clubs! Now we are starting to think of our next move…to a independent home in a continuous care community! Life keeps throwing in changes.
As my grandson said, I wish I lived down the street…but they are now in Michigan ! Life in our times doesn’t always make gramdparenting easy!
Come over to Knoxville Tennessee! Three seasons, low taxes, cool people….and we need some style!
Thanks for your column and best of luck in finding the perfect place!
Thank you Shari! I’m blessed to have the wisest, kindest readers. I think the changes keep coming so we just have to roll with them.
So sorry about your unplanned move. We are in the process of packing up right now so I feel your pain! We have decided to relocate to Palm Desert. The prices there are much better than other parts of CA. We found a nice condo there in a great community where the residents have made it a point to have monthly get-togethers in the common areas. Everyone seems so nice and we are looking forward to it. When it gets too warm there, you could just go somewhere cooler in your RV! We looked around in Arizona and Nevada and we also explored a Trilogy community in Nipomo CA which was lovely but the desert won out!
Good luck and happy house hunting. Feel free to email me if you have any questions about either.
Lori, I would like to rent a house for a few months during the winter. Everything you see online is not as advertised. What are the areas to avoid?
We visited that Trilogy in Nipomo too! I would love to chat with you. I’ll email you
Be thankful you are not moving across an ocean!! Nothing is more expensive and complicated than that.
I grew up in the house my dad built in a small rural community in central CA and loved it. Deep roots there.
Like you, I need to be close to my roots, physically and emotionally. I need my personal things around me as well. I keep reading about the joys of downsizing and eliminating much of the stuff in ones possession, but …and maybe I’m strange….. there are memories embedded in all my belongings,…. memories which appear at random times when seeing or using an item, and are these priceless. If I did not have the physical object to spark those vague and forgotten memories, they might be lost forever.
They are part of my “roots” and help ground me.
I lived in apartments as a single mother for decades and for me, nothing was more frustrating and unhinged than apartment living. I hated it. I never felt I had a home. The worst was never knowing who was going to be living around me, and I had some scary situations even in upscale areas.
My biggest regret is feeling pressured to downsize during a major move many years ago. I let many things go that I wish I hadn’t. Irreplaceable things. So I no longer go through an elimination process before a move but if I feel the need, I do it slowly afterwards.
That’s probably my biggest take away lesson from having moved multiple times in my life.
Thank you fur sharing that Penelope. So many of my things hold priceless memories. I just want to unload the things that are simply clutter so we can be more portable.
How unfortunate to have to move on short notice! You have often talked about your love for Vancouver where you once had a beloved second home (and a daughter and lots of friends) and now being so close to your grandson. Why not get 2 small places and go back and forth?
We took a very practical approach to our move 3 years ago from Palo Alto, CA: Stay in good weather, be near hobbies, stay near enough to family and friends, live in walking distance to shops and restaurants to start driving less. We took a 2 step process: buy a mobile home so we can take our time looking for a house and get acquainted with the new area. Stay in it 2 years for tax purposes. Then buy a small house with a second structure on the property so we can either use it, rent it out or store our things in it if we temporarily go elsewhere and want to rent out the main house. We completed all that, right near downtown Santa Rosa.
We have thought of doing that very thing ourselves. Having a place to rent out that could provide income would be very smart. Santa Rosa is so nice!!
Hi Jennifer, I am so sorry you are going through another move so soon. Since you have your grandson up north, doctors in place and many friends I would think finding a smaller home or place in a retirement community would be ideal. We have friends who just moved to downtown Benecia where it was more affordable, closer to family and they can walk everywhere. Good luck!
We love love love Benecia! Such a cute town and close to everything.
Jennifer, I have not read the previous posts; however, being decades older than you, I am going to bring up a reality that so many couples face…one partner outliving the other. If one makes a list of priorities, I suggest focusing on that eventuality, along with proximity to family along with the need to be close to a wide range of medical services. Transportation can also become a challenge.
Yes, moving is extremely stressful and expensive; to find a single level home that you can renovate and live in throughout the coming years as a couple…or as a single person… may be something that one wants to consider.
Thank you for sharing Marlene. I am thinking of that and think being close to my son would be very smart. He’s a wonderfully supportive young man who we could rely on helping us.
I have lived in the same house for 35 years. My children wail when I occasionally suggest we sell it. The best thing about it is that it’s paid for. It’s too big for my husband and me with five bedrooms and three baths, but the idea of sorting through 35 years of stuff is too much for me. Please come to Palm Springs. That’s just down the road, and we could go shopping together! LOL.
Having it paid for is huge. Maybe we could meet up for coffee? Email me
My husband and I also wrestled with the idea of where to retire but put if off because of the daunting job of downsizing and actually moving. Our decision was made for us in October 2017 as we lost everything during the Tubbs Fire in Northern California and made it out with just our dogs. Not wanting to go through the process of rebuilding we chose to move near our daughter in Arizona. I can say we are very happy with our decision but was a struggle to get our lives back together. Life is never as planned but we are very thankful. Good luck with your journey!
Oh no Linda, I’m so sorry! It’s sounds like you’ve made the best decision. Good luck and thanks for sharing with us.
It is -12 degrees with a windchill of -45 as I type this. We have had it. We will retire as soon as our youngest son graduates college. We have lived in the same house for 20 years. I don’t know if I could live in a rental. I would miss my garden!
That’s too cold! Gardens can be replanted but people can’t be replaced. Good luck
We moved from Santa Barbara to Palm Springs into a 55+ communitywhen w e retired 3 years ago. Best move ever. The sun shines every day! The summers are hot, the winter, spring and fall are warm, the houses are affordable, excellent shopping and healthcare, restaurants, entertainment, airports and the beach is only 2 hours away. But you would be quite a distance from your grandson. We are 2000 miles from ours but we see them several times a year but it’s not the same as weekly I realize. I just don’t want to live in the Midwest where they live and put up with winter!
Santa Barbara is so beautiful. Thanks for sharing
Oh my Jennifer, it seems you haven’t had much time in this rental. It’s difficult to know sometimes where to set your roots. I guess you could rent one more time, if you need to think things over. My advice, don’t rush.
Good advice
Once you’ve factored in all your wishes, add one more because you hate moving. Because of medical issues for both of us, the layout of our house matters now, or at least it soon will. The unexpected has happened and a walker or wheelchair make bedrooms on the second story an issue. We’ll have to consider other things too. A year ago we were both very fit and didn’t stress about turning 70.
I’m so sorry you’ve got this struggle Julie. We are only looking at one story homes. My husband needs a knee replacement so stairs are out of the question. Wishing you the best
Jennifer, you do know it is very hot and dry in Palm Springs, right? We followed my only child and grandchildren to CA from AZ. Despite some “friends” warning not to chase your children. I pinch myself everyday even after 7 years; we live in So Cal, 20 minutes from a beach, warm days, cool nights and I am able to see my grandchildren at least weekly. Happy Hunting!
That’s part of what worries me about PS. I’m not a fan of hot weather and would far rather be near ocean breezes. Sadly my grandson doesn’t live anywhere near them. It’s a puzzle we need to figure out.
I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time deciding where to live in retirement. I know being close to your grandson tops your list of requirements. I know you wanted to be close to a good hospital, too. Do you want to live close to the ocean? Small town or big? Do you want a condo or single family home? Did you like the active community lifestyle? Do you want the heat of Palm Springs, or the cooling breezes of the Pacific? How many hours away from your grandson would be ideal? Then draw a circle around his home. There are so many things to factor into your decision. I guess you can only look on this as your gypsy years. Lol
Great idea. I do feel our lives will be fluid for a few years now but I do want a home.