Still Waiting: A Life on Hold
Happy Tuesday ladies. Several weeks, (or was it months ago?) ago I mentioned I was having some health challenges and awaiting a few test results. Several ladies have written to ask how they turned out so I thought I would give you an update.
Let me start at the beginning.
Last year…oh crap, this is going to be a long one…I had a CT to check the health of my lungs. I’d been a 2 1/2 pack a day smoker for many years when I was young and dumb. It seemed like everyone smoked back then, but I smoked a lot. Remember when tennis tournaments were sponsored by Virginia Slims? How crazy is that?
I have three friends who’ve had lung cancer and one who started a fantastic lung cancer foundation so I asked my doctor to schedule me for a CT. They discovered a tiny, and I mean tiny spot. Nothing worried the doctor so they decided to just watch it. This year, my doctor suggested I find an oncologist closer to where we live to monitor it because this was out of her field. I went to see the same top-notch oncologist at UC Davis who is monitoring my husband’s lung spot for any changes.
He ordered a follow-up CT to see if it had changed. One week later, he phoned me. Gulp, how often does that happen? He said the small spot on my lung had not changed so not to worry, they would just continue to watch it. Whew! But… they did find a small tumor in the center of my chest, between my lungs, in front of my heart. He was referring me to a thoracic surgeon because it had to come out.
WHAT?
After scraping myself off the ceiling I googled everything I could about this type of tumor. It’s on my thymus, called a thymoma and conventional wisdom says it needs to come out. OK, I’m on board with that. If we have to, we will and deal with the consequences.
I couldn’t get in to see the surgeon until we got back from our trip to Palm Springs. It was a long and stressful wait. I upped my daily walks, meditation and kept on keeping on because what else can you do? Every time I found myself going down the dark hole of worry I would shift my thinking to something positive.
The current health crisis was just ramping on the day of my appointment to see the surgeon but there was no way I would miss this meeting. So hand sanitizer at the ready, we went. The surgeon told us she thinks the radiologist may be mistaken and it might just be a cyst or lymph node. I sure hope she’s right. She’s ordered an MRI but of course, no one wants me to go near a hospital right now, so everything is on hold and I wait.
A few weeks ago I also got a call back about my mammogram. Apparently the radiologist saw something they didn’t like the look of so they rushed me in for a diagnostic mammogram, followed by an ultrasound. The waiting was nerve-wracking, and I was not alone. The room was filled with nervous women, sitting quietly, lost in her own thoughts. I did notice that every other woman had put her purse on the floor. I never do. Do you?
The radiologist finally came in to tell me they’re still not happy with what they see so they’ve requested a breast MRI. I’m currently waiting for my insurance to approve that one. Right about now, I’m sure my insurance company is regretting they ever heard my name:)
It feels like our lives are on hold while we wait for this nasty situation to go away. I know I do.
I’m not going to lie, this is tough. I’m trying not to obsess over these upcoming MRI’s because I’m a huge believer in the power of positive thinking. In fact, I’m on my third fourth viewing of this movie, and will likely watch it again just to bolster my mood.
In the scheme of life these days, I know I am blessed. I can’t control many things these days, but I can control how I dress, whether I put on lipstick and what things I allow to fill my thoughts. I know many of you are also dealing with things that had to be put on hold. The best we can do is support each other, encourage positive thinking and be kind to ourselves and those around us.
Please we well and remember to wear what makes you feel confident. Our wardrobe, cosmetics, and perfume may seem frivolous to some, but I believe they are powerful tools we can use to keep our spirits up when life gets tough.
xx
Waiting and not knowing is the worst. Praying for you to have as much peace as possible in this time between. The serenity prayer helps me a lot with stress.
Prayers and good mojo coming your way. I also believe that sharing your status helps to bring in healing vibes from around the world. The diagnosis process is challenging and I know these days it must be particularly frustrating. I hope that the next imaging gives you a proper diagnosis so your doctor can create a treatment plan for you. I’m in treatment now (Mets after initial diagnosis in 2008). And it helped me to know what the diagnosis was and how it would be treated. My motto, Onward!
Praying for you Jennifer……🙏🙏🙏. Thank you for sharing…..although I’m usually only listening, you are a dear friend,,,,I connect with you daily so please know I will be praying for the best results possible. Please keep us informed and keep the faith. Praying for your husband too.
❤️ Susan
Sending positive vibes your way! You are an inspiration for all of us!
Interesting observation about purses on the floor. I usually place it on the table or seat next to me. I don’t like to hold my purse on my lap because there are times when I’ve had no choice but to place it on the floor and I don’t want the germs on me.
Prayers for peaceful patience and negative test results !
Sending prayers, love and virtual hugs.
Oh, so sorry to hear of these potential health issues and waiting is the worst especially at this challenging time. Please know you brighten our days and that we, your readers, stand behind you with an an army of good wishes. We have your back. Your positive attitude will serve you well too and never purses on the floor ladies!
Sending you positive thoughts and virtual hugs.
Any idea why women are putting their purses on the floor. Perhaps it was requested so that chairs are kept clean. Something I will have to think about and perhaps another little routine to add to my virus avoiding arsenal.
Prayers for you – and peace of mind. Waiting is the worst.
Like you, my mother had many health issues, but no matter how poorly she felt, she always got up and got dressed and put on her makeup. She said that always made her feel better. I follow your blog and I find it timely, interesting, and the perfect information for those of us that are aging wonderfully well. Wishing you good health.
It is funny how none of us know each other but yet we all care. It’s not just words either, you can sense a deep sincere caring. Also I find at this age we all are trying to do better in caring for ourselves but life keeps slapping us in the face. Wishing you all the best Jennifer and can’t imagine what all is going through your head, Keep the faith.
Dear Jennifer,
I am so sorry you are going through this; waiting is agony. Rest assured you are receiving many positive thoughts and prayers while you wait.
If you tire of the Heal movie, try the wonderful Louise Hay for uplifting, healing thoughts.
Stay well; everybody’s rooting for you!
Sending positive energy your way. Thanks for all you do.
I’m so, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Let’s flatten the curve and get back to diagnosing you and doing something about it. Sometimes the worry about the unknown is worse than the cure. I’ll keep you in my prayers, Jennifer.
A big virtual hug from moi! 🤗
Dear Jennifer,
My thoughts are with you as you face these health challenges. I am with you, on positive thoughts, meditation, self care, affirmations that carry us through the day as we choose Faith over Fear. My prayers are with you dear friend. Sending you love, strength, encouragement, and calm as you walk this path. ox
So sorry to hear this. Best wishes from across the pond. I do hope you get the answers you want SOON.
Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time 🙏 sometimes waiting can be the worst part of it all. Hope for the best! Even with your worries your always look awesome! Thanks for keeping us informed.
Wow! So sorry, Jennifer. May you find the strength to endure while waiting. Wishing you the very best.
By the way, I laughed out loud when you mentioned noticing all the purses on the floor! What a funny thing to think of at that stressful time. Your fashion/blog
gene is in good shape! Keep it up.
Jennifer, that is a lot to deal with, especially during this time. You have such an upbeat positive attitude that will serve you well while you wait. I wish you the very best outcome. Stay well!
Thank you for this update Jennifer. You and your husband have been added to my prayer list and I bet that of many of your faithful followers. Hope you feel the love and caring of all of us. You are a strong woman whose is blessed with your faith in God. I appreciate that with all you are going through you continue to inspire your readers in every post.