Still Waiting: A Life on Hold
Happy Tuesday ladies. Several weeks, (or was it months ago?) ago I mentioned I was having some health challenges and awaiting a few test results. Several ladies have written to ask how they turned out so I thought I would give you an update.
Let me start at the beginning.
Last year…oh crap, this is going to be a long one…I had a CT to check the health of my lungs. I’d been a 2 1/2 pack a day smoker for many years when I was young and dumb. It seemed like everyone smoked back then, but I smoked a lot. Remember when tennis tournaments were sponsored by Virginia Slims? How crazy is that?
I have three friends who’ve had lung cancer and one who started a fantastic lung cancer foundation so I asked my doctor to schedule me for a CT. They discovered a tiny, and I mean tiny spot. Nothing worried the doctor so they decided to just watch it. This year, my doctor suggested I find an oncologist closer to where we live to monitor it because this was out of her field. I went to see the same top-notch oncologist at UC Davis who is monitoring my husband’s lung spot for any changes.
He ordered a follow-up CT to see if it had changed. One week later, he phoned me. Gulp, how often does that happen? He said the small spot on my lung had not changed so not to worry, they would just continue to watch it. Whew! But… they did find a small tumor in the center of my chest, between my lungs, in front of my heart. He was referring me to a thoracic surgeon because it had to come out.
WHAT?
After scraping myself off the ceiling I googled everything I could about this type of tumor. It’s on my thymus, called a thymoma and conventional wisdom says it needs to come out. OK, I’m on board with that. If we have to, we will and deal with the consequences.
I couldn’t get in to see the surgeon until we got back from our trip to Palm Springs. It was a long and stressful wait. I upped my daily walks, meditation and kept on keeping on because what else can you do? Every time I found myself going down the dark hole of worry I would shift my thinking to something positive.
The current health crisis was just ramping on the day of my appointment to see the surgeon but there was no way I would miss this meeting. So hand sanitizer at the ready, we went. The surgeon told us she thinks the radiologist may be mistaken and it might just be a cyst or lymph node. I sure hope she’s right. She’s ordered an MRI but of course, no one wants me to go near a hospital right now, so everything is on hold and I wait.
A few weeks ago I also got a call back about my mammogram. Apparently the radiologist saw something they didn’t like the look of so they rushed me in for a diagnostic mammogram, followed by an ultrasound. The waiting was nerve-wracking, and I was not alone. The room was filled with nervous women, sitting quietly, lost in her own thoughts. I did notice that every other woman had put her purse on the floor. I never do. Do you?
The radiologist finally came in to tell me they’re still not happy with what they see so they’ve requested a breast MRI. I’m currently waiting for my insurance to approve that one. Right about now, I’m sure my insurance company is regretting they ever heard my name:)
It feels like our lives are on hold while we wait for this nasty situation to go away. I know I do.
I’m not going to lie, this is tough. I’m trying not to obsess over these upcoming MRI’s because I’m a huge believer in the power of positive thinking. In fact, I’m on my third fourth viewing of this movie, and will likely watch it again just to bolster my mood.
In the scheme of life these days, I know I am blessed. I can’t control many things these days, but I can control how I dress, whether I put on lipstick and what things I allow to fill my thoughts. I know many of you are also dealing with things that had to be put on hold. The best we can do is support each other, encourage positive thinking and be kind to ourselves and those around us.
Please we well and remember to wear what makes you feel confident. Our wardrobe, cosmetics, and perfume may seem frivolous to some, but I believe they are powerful tools we can use to keep our spirits up when life gets tough.
xx
Jennifer you are such a bright spot in so many women’s lives and we are here for you. Hugs and prayers for good results and peace to you as you have to wait.
You are in my prayers 🙏🙏🙏
Hi there
The waiting for insurance approval would be nerve wracking for me.
The main thing is that you have a great medical team who will be able to deal with whatever the results are. They will be able to give you if necessary the care you would need.
Jennifer, I’m so sorry to hear of your troubles. And during this time in the world is just awful! I know you’ll do your best to keep a positive attitude, but it’s natural to have a little, “why me?” voice nagging in the background. Just tell Miss Why Me to have a seat in the back. She’s not driving this Mercedes while you’re in charge! Many blessings and warm hugs from afar.
Part of the problem is that scans are so detailed now that sometimes they show things that are not really serious but the doctors must pursue them to prove that they are not. I can relate to the mammogram issue. I went for my mammogram in February and they said we have a new machine and it shows more details. I thought, oh no…here I go again. I was right and got called back for a diagnostic mammogram. I ended up having a biopsy which was negative. The waiting between each appointment was terrible. I know what you are dealing with. More than likely it is nothing but they have to make sure. There are a lot of people going through the same things. I was one of the lucky ones. My thoughts are with you as you go through this.
Dear Jennifer, I have been waiting to hear what your test results were. So glad you shared with us. You have continued with your blog and encouraged us all this time, while under so much stress yourself. You are really an amazing woman. I have waited for test results before and it’s no fun. I am praying that all your tests will turn ok. Don’t worry because it might be nothing serious. I have done this before and everything turned out ok and I kicked myself in the rear for worrying so much. I’m praying for you and sending lots of love and positive vibes. You got this. 👍🙏🙏🙏🙏
Prayers for you, Jennifer 🙏🏻🙏🏻 Waiting is so difficult. But modern medicine can do amazing things these days. Stay strong!
Hey Jennifer,
My prayers and thoughts are with you. That’s great you are thinking positive its hard not to think about all this and going to that place, but pray and be positive. Keep doing what you’re doing, otherwise, we wouldn’t get your wonderful blog. We count on you thank you so much.
I wipe the bottom of purse off one I put it in the cart then I wipe it when I get home. It’s getting exhausting thinking of what you touched or didn’t touch, but all of us need to keep sanitizing our hands and what we touch at home. God Bless you Jennifer and all the women here on your blog.
So very sorry, Jennifer that you have to go through this. Please know so many of us care about you, and you are in our prayers. I’m sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs your way. 🌷🌹🌼🌻
Prayers for peace and healing. Waiting is so hard but your positive outlook will bring you through this time.
Oh my Goodness – I’m so sorry this is happening to you. However, I’m glad you have doctors and nurses that aren’t taking any of this lightly and are looking out for you. May God continue to hold you in his mighty hands and bless you with better health. Thinking of you with healing thoughts and hope this will be in the past for you very soon.
Wham Bam! Sounds like you’ve been slapped around a bit! 15 years ago the doctors found a spot on my lung. I too had been a pack a day smoker but hadn’t smoked for 15 years by then. They removed the spot, Stage 1a cancer thus removed the upper right lung. The oncologist told me I could have lived with the lesion for another 20 years before it would have given me trouble but by then it would have been stage 4 and too late. Since dying wasn’t an option for me, 😎, I am thankful for attentive and quick thinking doctors. I no longer even think about having had cancer. I am 69 and enjoying retirement. Keep up that positive thinking, it one of the few things that helps.
I am sending you all the positive thoughts I have available!
I sure do enjoy your message each day.
There is just too much to worry about some days.
Keep well❤️
Dianne🇨🇦
This is a heavy load for one woman to carry, Jennifer. I wish you the best and send you many positive thoughts!
Praying that all goes well for you. I find comfort in Matt 11:28.❤️
Sorry to hear about your health issues….and thank you for sharing. I enjoy your blog first thing every morning with my cup of coffee. These are tough times and especially for you, having to wait this out, staying positive is so healing for all of us. You have changed the way I dress, as I work on finding my style.
All will be fine❤️
Big hugs & positive vibes💐🌷
Praying that all will turn out well. Meanwhile Matt 11:28 comforts me.
Hope all turns out well for you. It’s such a stressful time for all of us but even more so for you. Thank you for sharing. I totally agree that getting up each morning and fixing your hair, makeup and dressing in a way that makes you feel good are very important, it keeps positive and positivity helps. Again, my best to you. ❤️
I had breast cancer 5 yrs ago. The worst part was between that initial ‘we found a lump, we need to do a biopsy’ through a lumpectomy well are confident we got it all’ not knowing what I was up against was the hard part. Dealing with it wasn’t great, but at least I knew what I was up against. I will keep sending you positive thoughts.
I, too, am sorry to hear about this. I was diagnosed with medullary thyroid cancer back in 2015. It is NOT curable. My thyroid was removed along with most of the lymph nodes in my front and right neck areas. It had made it to the nodes. Amazingly, and by the grace of G-d, this stuff has NOT reared it’s ugly head yet! Stay calm. Stay at peace. I get through by telling myself that nothing is guaranteed. I have to say, I’ve enjoyed my life more in these last five years that I ever have.
I will continue to pray for you; you bring me much joy. Keep strong. Love you.