The Importance Of What You Wear In Midlife And Why It Matters
Do clothes make the woman? Some would argue that what we wear is unimportant and our interest in discussing fashion is shallow. Attempting to trivialize the fashion struggles of women over 50 is not only uninformed but also naive because what we wear can make or break our confidence, which makes it worthy of discussion.
We have lots of new readers, so I’m republishing a post that many of you may not have read. I think it’s an important topic that needs to be discussed.
Clothes can be a shield we use to get through challenging times, but more importantly, they tell the world who we are. Whether we like it or not, we’re judged by our appearance, and the clothes we wear matter.
Look sloppy, and people may decide you’re careless and have little respect for details or yourself. Wear overly revealing clothes, and you may be seen as inappropriate or desperate. Wear flamboyant colors and you may be seen as carefree or loud. The upshot is that we are judged by our appearance so managing our image is important.
Women over 50 often struggle with feeling invisible. How we dress is a powerful tool to combat that lack of visibility by restoring our feelings of power and control.
Our generation has a challenge with fashion that earlier ones didn’t. My grandmother never struggled with what to put on in the morning. She wore her printed house dresses at home and dressed up to leave the house. There was no question about whether she should wear a T-shirt and jeans or a dress with stockings and sensible shoes. There were fewer options because there were unspoken rules.
Our generation doesn’t want to follow fashion rules unless they can use them as tools to dress with confidence. We want to make our own choices and dress to express ourselves. This freedom is welcome, but it can also leave many women unsure about what’s appropriate. With so many options to choose from, she needs a clear vision of the message she wants her clothes to send.
An open discussion about fashion and image is helpful for many women over 50. Does that make us frivolous? No, it makes us curious, intelligent women. To imply these conversations are unnecessary is to belittle the struggle many women face each morning.
Have you ever felt invisible? I’d love to hear your thoughts. What are you struggling with?
When I read this great post this morning, I knew there were going to be lots of comments. No one is saying dressing well will bring world peace, but it has often given me some inner peace and confidence to go through my day. I am over 60 now. I spent years raising my wonderful sons, taking care of house and home. Now I’m taking care of me!
Good for you Stormy!! It is your time. Confidence at our age is priceless.
Sometimes the term “dear”, and the like, is just a substitute for “ma’am” and is regional, and not meant to be dismissive at all. For example, here in Baltimore, Maryland the term “Hon”, short for “Honey” is used across the board, male/female and younger/older……it’s endearing and meant well. There’s even a “Hon-Fest held in B-more every spring, relishing in all things Baltimore and “Hon-like”; bee hive hair-do’s, kitsch and John Waters. Now, I wouldn’t expect a teen-ager to call me “hon”, it’s all in the delivery…much like a well placed “Bless your heart.” And we southerners know what THAT means!
Great point! I had no idea Hon was used so commonly in Baltimore. Even I know what bless your heart means. It’s a priceless expression.
Tea, I agree with you. “Hon”, “Honey” and “Dear” are not meant to be condescending by most Southerners. However, it is all in the delivery. I work in a medical supply business and it is not unusual to hear our people call customers “Honey” or “Sweetie” as a way of reaching out to them and letting them know we care about their needs.
If you want to know what “conscending” sounds like, try questioning a bigwig from Medicare about how they make their pricing decisions. The last time I did that, I felt like I needed a shower to wipe the slime off afterwards!
Jennifer, thanks so much for the reminder on why I care about how I look. Sometimes it feels kind of “frivolous” and sometimes I like being invisible, which is kind of sad. You inspire me to stay in the game! I’m 70 this year and it’s been a bit of a shock! I really feel about 50 but do not want any knife near my face. So, I’m working hard to express my true self, stay healthy, and viable. We recently moved to Nashville (grandchildren) from Seattle…so my style is undergoing some regional changes. Blessings to you my friend.
Thanks for being here Cheryl. Nothing is frivolous that builds our confidence. Good luck with your mind be!
I laughed when I read your comment about being called “dear” ! LOL If the person is in their twenties/thirties I just reply with a “honey” in response ! I know that you mentioned that the women that started this conversation ‘appears’ to be very confident, but, I think a statement such as this says just the opposite. She probably dresses to impress, labels matter, fit matters, power suits or whatever are her everyday choice. Sounds to me like a whole lot of thought and time might go into her own “look” !! I always try to remember that Strong women lift each other up. I see her confidence as a facade of sorts.
Excellent call Maureen! Some women are impressed by labels and some find them a silly waste of money. It’s how confident the item makes us feel that matters. Thanks for being here!
Thank you for a wonderful discussion today! I couldn’t agree with you more- clothes and style do matter. I look at it this way- none of us can walk around naked and I have the choice every morning to cover my body with boring, uninteresting clothing or something that is stylish and says something about my personality. It is a way I enjoy expressing myself. I have noticed the “invisible” thing too and have been made to wait in stores. The other thing that irks me is waitresses, etc., calling me “hon” or “honey”. It seems condescending and I feel like they are using it because I am over 60. So rude.
It does feel condescending and annoys the heck out of me. I know I receive much better service when I spend the time to dress properly. Thanks for sharing Debbie!
What a great topic of conversation Jennifer. I refuse to be invisible! When I’m out shopping I make it a point to engage with store personnel, clerks, cashiers and even some customers. And I find that I’m always treated with respect and greeted the next time I shop there. My husband used to tease me that I got too dressed up to go grocery shopping, and my reply was that the butcher always remembered me and gave me the best service LOL. How we dress is a reflection of not only our personality but our own self respect.
Your post reminded me of a scene in the tv show Grace & Frankie. Have you seen it? Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin’s characters are at a variety store to buy something, and are completely ignored by the young male clerk even when Grace (Jane) has a meltdown and starts yelling at him. The end result is that Frankie (Lily) eventually steals the item they had wanted to buy, since nobody would serve them and remarks that was the one advantage of being “invisible”. Actually, there are many ageing and ageism topics that they cover and all done with a great sense of humour.
I need to watch that show! That’s a hilarious sounding scene. Some women say the like to be invisible, I don’t so using fashion to look my best it a great tool. Thanks for sharing and being here!
Dear Jennifer,
I am restraining myself not to say anything about midriff tops, 3-inch skirts, skin-tight “jeggings” and anything else worn by those who might criticize us classy over-50 ladies.
But I digress. Let me thank you so much for your blog. I have an auto-immune disease and some days it is a struggle to get out of the house. Your blog has encouraged me to style my hair, put on makeup, go out and strut my stuff (from Chicos, J Jill, Artful Home, etc.). You have encouraged me to jazz up my plain clothes with a scarf, nice piece of jewelry, or handbag. As my sister-in-law and I always say, the older you are the more you need your accessories. She is bolder that I am in her choices, but bold or classic, we are right out there with you.
I read your blog everyday to see what you recommend and always get ideas. Keep up your blog. You have many faithful followers. Can’t wait to see what you are wearing tomorrow!
Thank you so much Eileen. That means the world to me! Very good point about the stilettos and micro skirts. Classy goes a long way. Thanks for being here!
Way to go Jennifer! Well said.
Thanks Nancee!
Well said. As an artist, I take joy in expressing myself through clothing, colors, accessories, etc. How dare someone say such things are trivial? Beauty is a gift to ourselves and the world. It’s importance is even expressed in nature. Flowers are beautiful and accented to attract the pollinators and many birds and fish are decked out in colorful finery which does not fade with age.
Excellent point Penelope! Thanks for being here and sharing.
Jennifer, I pretty much love all your posts, but today’s really struck a chord with me. You are correct: Clothes at any age – but especially for women 50+ – are of great value. Why for our age group, exactly (I’m 64)? Because our society seemingly has NO value for us whatsoever. Once we’re no longer of child-bearing age, we become invisible, as you suggested. WE know we’re of TREMENDOUS value to society, so we need to do all we can to remain not only visible, but viable. Women – all women – take a beating in our society (we’re paid less, our healthcare isn’t deemed to be important, control over our VERY OWN bodies is threatened by policies, etc.), but for more mature, seasoned women, the threat is even greater. Please forgive the slightly political rant, but thanks for expressing what I’ve felt for a while.
Rant away Candy! You’re exactly right. How we dress is a powerful weapon in the fight against invisibility. Thanks for being here!
Thanks! And by the way, I read a few style blogs, but YOURS is my very favorite! I like that you are self-deprecating (in the very best way possible!) and that you offer lower-cost options for the gorgeous clothing and accessories you highlight, AND that you let us know when the sales are on! You have become a friend over the “internets!!”
Thank you Candy:)!!
Thanks for what you do for us Jennifer. You go girl. My mother, Natalie, until her passing at age 89, would get up every morning and put on her makeup, fix her hair and put on the cutest colorful outfits. She loved to go shopping (not always to buy} and the sales associates would always comment on how adorable she looked. And, she had the personality to go along with her colorful outfits. When I would see her (she was 5′ 100 lbs soaking wet) she would put her hand in her pocket, put her foot out and say “how do I look” which always cracked us up.
So, as you see, fashion made my Mother happy to a wonderful age. Style/Fashion does matter.
Thank you for your venue for all of us to share.
Judy in Phoenix
How fabulous Judy! Fashion is such a powerful tool and it sounds like your Mother wielded it well. Good for her. Thanks for sharing and being here. I really appreciate you.
Thanks Pam! The women who said this is actually an overly confident woman who was trying to hurt my feelings. She missed the mark because it angered me rather than silenced me. What we wear does matter and is a powerful tool in our arsenal.
Sad that some people really aren’t concerned about how they look or enjoy the thrill of fashion & hitting your sweet spot. It makes life so much more fun. Yes, we all have different interests & life styles, but it doesn’t mean that just because we want to look our best in any situation it’s trivial. Thanks Jennifer, for defending your stance on hitting our sweet spot. When you look good you feel good & often pass that feeling on to others around you. That just helps to make this world a better place to live in… so go girls, keep looking good & pass the good feelings around. Life is too short not to hit your sweet spot. This is from a gal hitting 68 & having fun in the fashion world but still has time for fun things like grandkids, baseball games, gardening, baking dog biscuits, cooking, family gatherings, reading etc. etc. Love your blog everyday, Jennifer.
Hi Carol!! You’re so right. Thanks for being here and making a difference. I really appreciate you.
Thank you Joanne! I appreciate your support and thoughts. Leslie is right 🙂
Thanks Barbara!
Thank you for putting into words the feelings of many, including myself. Your post is spot on, and I’m sorry that someone was rude. I look forward to your post every day, and you have been very helpful. At 55 it is a challenge to style myself as I’d like to be seen by the world. I appreciate all the help I can get and the friendship that comes from your blog. Enjoy your day!
Thank you Patty! I’m so grateful I can help or inspire in any way. I really appreciate you being here.
Well said, Patty!
It is simple. Those who do not like this blog don’t have to subscribe to it. Those of us who enjoy it are free to do so.
Thanks for being here Jill!!
Yes, we certainly are judged by everyone all the time. The art of looking good requires a combination of skills that we actually have to learn and practice. The resources are our mothers and millions of magazines that are selling us stuff. And as you said, the rules changed and we have many choices. It’s very overwhelming and confusing.
Finding a blog like yours is a treasure. Your approach is the best I’ve ever come across. Your posts are relevant and real, sensible and fun. I’ve learned so much and gotten inspired.
If we’d be French we would not be having this conversation!
I think you’re right Miriam! The French seem to have an inborn confidence we could learn much from. Thanks for being here!
I am sorry someone trivialized your work here! I think it’s extremely important, for all the reasons you so articulately put forth. I look forward to your posts & find them very valuable. Thank you!
Thank you for being here! I really appreciate you.
Jen – great post. I have frequently felt invisible – that is what our society does to women over 50. It is more important than ever for us to dress with flair and confidence. My style is much more casual than yours, but when I leave the house, I want to be neat, not sloppy, and wear clothes that project who I am. Another thing I notice is that women frequently walk with heads looking down. Poture is so important; stand up as straight as you can and look forward, not down!
You’re so right Barb! Body language is critical. Walk with confidence and you’ll be more visible. Thanks for being here.