Ageism and Style Over 60: What a Style Insult Taught Me
Some mornings, I open my phone, and it feels like stepping into a crowded room where everyone is talking at once, with opinions flying and images everywhere. If you’re a woman navigating ageism and style over 60, that noise can feel especially pointed. It can be overwhelming, even when you’ve chosen to be there.
Being online is my choice and my business. I show up here because I care about thoughtful style, real conversation, and the women who read what I share. But even when you choose this path, even when you’re clear on your purpose, there are moments that stop you cold.
A woman recently commented that my outfits reminded her of what she sees on women going in and out of nursing homes. And yes—she meant it as an insult. She wasn’t offering a gentle opinion or a quirky association. She was trying to cut me down.
Now, I’ve been around long enough to know that comments like that say more about the person delivering them than the one receiving them. Still, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t land somewhere. She wanted it to sting. And for a brief moment, it did.
Not because I believe her. But it reminded me how easily age is used as a cheap shot…a quick way to diminish a woman without saying anything of substance. The fact that it came from someone in her 40s adds another layer entirely. It speaks to the way our culture still pits women against each other, feeding us the idea that youth is currency and age is something to fear. That kind of comment isn’t just about me, it’s about the insecurity and internalized ageism that tells younger women they gain value by tearing older ones down.
There’s this tired belief that dressing your age means giving up. That if you choose comfort or subtlety over flash, you’ve somehow surrendered style altogether.
I reject that. I wear what reflects who I am now… a woman with experience, confidence, and a wardrobe that fits my life, not someone else’s expectations. If that’s too subtle or mature for some, so be it.
Judgment is everywhere, but for women over 60, it can feel especially pointed. Choosing to be visible, online or off, is a quiet act of defiance. It’s how we push back against a culture that still hasn’t figured out how to value women as we age.
If you’ve ever hesitated to share a photo or wear what you love because of what someone might say…consider whose voice you’re prioritizing. Let it be your own. The one that knows what fits, what flatters, what feels like you. That’s the voice worth listening to.
I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter here and join our positive conversation about aging in style.
If you’ve ever questioned whether your style is still ‘relevant,’ this post on Style Myths Women Over 60 Should Ignore may feel like a breath of fresh air.
FAQ: Ageism and Style Over 60
Q: What does ageism look like in fashion and personal style?
A: Ageism in fashion often shows up as subtle (or not-so-subtle) criticism when older women dress in ways that reflect who they are, rather than chasing youth. It can sound like backhanded comments, surprise that you “still care about clothes,” or assumptions that style has an expiration date. It’s rooted in the belief that aging should be hidden, rather than lived out loud.
Q: How should women over 60 respond to ageist comments about their appearance or style?
A: With clarity, not apology. You don’t need to defend your age or your style. If someone takes a cheap shot, it says more about their own discomfort with aging than it does about you. Confidence is often the most unsettling outfit of all for people who don’t know how to wear it.
Q: Can personal style really push back against ageism?
A: Absolutely. Every time a woman over 60 dresses for herself…not for approval, not to look younger, but to feel like herself, she’s quietly challenging the idea that aging makes us invisible. Style isn’t just about clothes; it’s about presence. And presence at our age is powerful.
What would you say to a younger woman who’s never been told that aging can be its own kind of freedom?
I would say to her, “My goal is not to appear young, but put-together, current, and approachable, in clothes that suit me.” Her views might change as the years go by, so maybe I would add, “I see you lack a degree of life experience. Good luck with your fruitless quest for youth, as the years go by.” I might preface the first statement by saying, “Oh, how rude of you.” In kind tones, of course!
Love this post! I’ve experienced it and agree that it’s more about the person saying it than you. Keep on being you!!
I’m sorry that a young woman made that nasty comment. I think you wear your age beautifully! Your pictures show you look classy and put together. I have found that sometimes the young gals think they will always have the body and skin to wear whatever they want. However, in about 20 years, they will have feet that can’t handle really high heels and need more cushion to be able to get out and about. They will also have a little more around the middle and skin that isn’t as firm on their bodies and face. They, too, will be looking for a different style. If not, they will look like a 60-year-old trying to look 40…and that is not a good look for anyone! We can be proud that we are healthy and still doing what we love and looking good while doing it! I am on my way to 78, and I have always loved to dress in clothes that are appropriate for my body, whether I was 20 in a bikini or 75 in jeans. Keep up the good work and give mature women a great example.
A beautiful and thoughtful post; thank you!
Your question about what to say to a woman that fears aging made me think. Actually, I usually do not say anything in response to negative comments like the one thrown at you. I usually just shrug them off with the knowledge that someday those women will understand that aging is a natural and wonderful process.
Although I agree that no matter how hard you try to ignore the mean girls, sometimes the comments sting. And these days, personal insults seem to be modeled to people as a way to gain power and confidence, so the comments do sometimes make me sad. Having friends who also embrace our age with style and confidence helps a lot. The community you have built here is a salve against the negativity. Keep it up and thanks again!
This community is the best!
Perfectly said Melissa! We’re in a terrible state where hate and insults are becoming the norm. Women should lift each other up regardless of age.
Well said, you hit the nail on the head says my 84-year old self!
This really hit home. I am 76 and I have always been conscious of style. I spend a lot of time thinking about what outfits I will wear/pack for travel. I like feeling good and comfortable in my clothes. Is it harder at this age, yes, my body has changed which presents new challenges to my style. I love how you provide options and guidance, thank you! Unfortunately, I think many of us dress to be accepted instead of how we want to look.
Age is certainly something you can’t escape, so make the best of it. Taking care of your body and your mind is paramount, but what we wear reflects our personality.
So much has been written about women feeling “invisible” as we age. I say step out of your comfort zone once in a while and wear something bright and beautiful!
Thanks, Jennifer, for the daily inspiration on mind, body and fashion style. It’s a boost of confidence to me.
I love this article! As a therapist, there are many points that you made that I agree with and that resonate with me. Also, many of your points are things that I have talked with clients about. For example, when someone gives you a backhanded compliment/ insult, it does say more about them than you. Being able to know that everyone has their own opinions and we can’t control what others think/ feel/ say or do is freeing because in turn, they have no control over what we think/ feel/say or do. This can help boost confidence in one’s ability to dress how they choose to.
Dear Jen, I am so sorry that happened to you. The woman who delivered that insult is clearly insecure and unhappy. Nothing feels better than lifting up others! I so appreciate you and your daily words of wisdom!
I share the same sentiments as Barbara and my reaction to the younger woman would have been, she might want to consider professional therapy as it can do wonders for people who have attitudes like hers. -Brenda-
To the younger person making ageist comments, I would respond….”Wait”
I recently started following your blog and must say I love the way you look at everything. I think I’m following you more for your profound thoughts than your fashion advice! I am turning 61 in September, and I relate to your way of thinking and can only wish I could put it into words the way you can. Keep doing what you’re doing and putting it into words for us to read, it’s truly appreciated!
Welcome, Donna!
Oh, wow! That was quite the insult, Jennifer. My first reaction was to think how I would have replied – something along the lines of “well, at least I do not dress like a teenager who thinks that showing a lot of skin and dressing in wrinkled pajamas every day is fashionable.” HaHa. No, I would not really say that. But I would think it. You handled it much better than I would have, Jennifer! Have a great day and know that we love reading your blog and hearing about your fashion choices.
Where do I even start? I’m kind of curious which outfit she said that about! First, I’m sorry that happened to you but it opened the door for you to address this important issue! Which you have handled perfectly. 2nd it is sad people hide behind their computer to spew ugly. Did her mother not teach her: “if you don’t have something nice to say; then don’t say anything”. If this isn’t her gig, why not just move on to something that is? I’m going to guess she is too much a coward to even be reading what folks are going to comment on this post! 3rd she can only hope to reach her 60s 70s 80s 90s with the heart, soul, $, & health to dress well. Good luck girlie! You shall not steal our joy! 4th I love your style and enjoy your posts. Keep up the good work. We love you & your beautiful smile. Thank you.
Thank you. I won’t let them steal our joy…we’ve earned it!
I’d say “Honey, hope you make it to my age and feel as good as I do.”
I love your site! I always take something useful away from each post. Women can be the worst critics as we’ve all seen throughout our lives. I think sometimes women like the one you referred to today are just terrified of getting old, but news flash, it happens to all of us if we’re lucky. Like you, I try to stick to my own personal style, while also making changes for my age. Aging gracefully doesn’t mean giving up and I would rather be true to myself (and my own comfort) than be desperate to remain relevant or trendy. That being said, if you’ve spent your whole life wearing tight, revealing or wild clothes and you still feel good when you wear that, go for it. I think we all need to be a little more supportive of each other and remember that one woman’s style – especially if dramatically different from ours – doesn’t take anything away from us.
I recently had a similar situation except the critique was the voice inside my head. Recently visited my son and new grandson. The first night I wore a jumpsuit/overall out to dinner. The voice said, you are too old to wear this (I’m 73). The next day we took pics with everyone and I looked at them and the voice said, you look like old grandma, LOL. What a miss that outfit was and now all the pics are of old grandma. I can’t win.
About the other voices, women can be so cruel when it comes to other women. Especially when they hide behind their keyboards. I follow a style FB group and these women are downright mean as they critique other women’s style. I really don’t understand it. I worked for 2 women at different times in my life and found they were not advocates for women and actually kept them down and in their place.
I’m sorry you have to deal with these insults. It boggles my mind how women treat other women.
We are often harder on ourselves than we should be, Deb. Let’s work to quell negative inner voices too! You are beautiful.
Good morning! Let me first say, wow! That woman wasn’t raised right and both her and her Mom and family should be ashamed. She wasn’t taught the “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all”. I’m so shocked and frankly ashamed for her! Sadly, we live in a time where everyone believes they “deserve” and are “entitled “ to say whatever they want. Confrontational me says “shut that mouth up sometimes, it makes you look very ugly”.
Unbelievable that you should receive such rude comments. Dressing like women entering nursing homes! You have classic timeless style and exceptional taste. I so enjoy reading your column every morning in my tack room at the stable. I have 30 year olds working for me with the horses that come to me for fashion advice, for I too, dress in what I like and know looks good on me. Always happy to give them tips. Although I live in the country on a large farm does not mean I look like a farmer when I go out!
The girl who made that comment was very unkind and probably unhappy in her world. You do a terrific job of helping all of us with fantastic tips.
Thank you for your insightful thoughts and for your honesty. I am in my 70’s and I sure enjoy all your fashion choices and tips. I am sorry some people criticize you, but I admire you and look forward to your posts every day!
Very curious about your 40 something detractor. Why was she reading your post anyway if she doesn’t like your style? In your business, suppose there will always be that risk.