Ageism and Style Over 60: What a Style Insult Taught Me
Some mornings, I open my phone, and it feels like stepping into a crowded room where everyone is talking at once, with opinions flying and images everywhere. If you’re a woman navigating ageism and style over 60, that noise can feel especially pointed. It can be overwhelming, even when you’ve chosen to be there.
Being online is my choice and my business. I show up here because I care about thoughtful style, real conversation, and the women who read what I share. But even when you choose this path, even when you’re clear on your purpose, there are moments that stop you cold.
A woman recently commented that my outfits reminded her of what she sees on women going in and out of nursing homes. And yes—she meant it as an insult. She wasn’t offering a gentle opinion or a quirky association. She was trying to cut me down.
Now, I’ve been around long enough to know that comments like that say more about the person delivering them than the one receiving them. Still, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t land somewhere. She wanted it to sting. And for a brief moment, it did.
Not because I believe her. But it reminded me how easily age is used as a cheap shot…a quick way to diminish a woman without saying anything of substance. The fact that it came from someone in her 40s adds another layer entirely. It speaks to the way our culture still pits women against each other, feeding us the idea that youth is currency and age is something to fear. That kind of comment isn’t just about me, it’s about the insecurity and internalized ageism that tells younger women they gain value by tearing older ones down.
There’s this tired belief that dressing your age means giving up. That if you choose comfort or subtlety over flash, you’ve somehow surrendered style altogether.
I reject that. I wear what reflects who I am now… a woman with experience, confidence, and a wardrobe that fits my life, not someone else’s expectations. If that’s too subtle or mature for some, so be it.
Judgment is everywhere, but for women over 60, it can feel especially pointed. Choosing to be visible, online or off, is a quiet act of defiance. It’s how we push back against a culture that still hasn’t figured out how to value women as we age.
If you’ve ever hesitated to share a photo or wear what you love because of what someone might say…consider whose voice you’re prioritizing. Let it be your own. The one that knows what fits, what flatters, what feels like you. That’s the voice worth listening to.
I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter here and join our positive conversation about aging in style.
If you’ve ever questioned whether your style is still ‘relevant,’ this post on Style Myths Women Over 60 Should Ignore may feel like a breath of fresh air.
FAQ: Ageism and Style Over 60
Q: What does ageism look like in fashion and personal style?
A: Ageism in fashion often shows up as subtle (or not-so-subtle) criticism when older women dress in ways that reflect who they are, rather than chasing youth. It can sound like backhanded comments, surprise that you “still care about clothes,” or assumptions that style has an expiration date. It’s rooted in the belief that aging should be hidden, rather than lived out loud.
Q: How should women over 60 respond to ageist comments about their appearance or style?
A: With clarity, not apology. You don’t need to defend your age or your style. If someone takes a cheap shot, it says more about their own discomfort with aging than it does about you. Confidence is often the most unsettling outfit of all for people who don’t know how to wear it.
Q: Can personal style really push back against ageism?
A: Absolutely. Every time a woman over 60 dresses for herself…not for approval, not to look younger, but to feel like herself, she’s quietly challenging the idea that aging makes us invisible. Style isn’t just about clothes; it’s about presence. And presence at our age is powerful.
What would you say to a younger woman who’s never been told that aging can be its own kind of freedom?
Jennifer,
Having also had a business, I too have had mean online comments. Sadly there are haters out there, and they just get their jollies bringing people down, no matter who or what business you have.
So many of us have benefitted by your leadership. I always get positive comments on the outfits I put together with your direction, and am grateful for your help.
Just ignore the meanies and keep on with your great posts.
Jennifer I am so sorry that ignorant 40 something woman made such a rude remark to you, totally uncalled for. You handled much better than I would have. I am tired of people thinking they can say anything they want and it’s ok!!! I usually just ignore that type of person, but on occasion I flash right back and that usually puts them in their place immediately. I have followed you for several years now and you are the best! Have a great week!!
Thanks Dianne
Jennifer, you go girl!! Wonderful reply to some snarky, unhappy someone.
Everything I wanted to say after reading this thoughtful post has already been said in previous comments. We are blessed to be alive and healthy at our increasing ages. To be cut down for wearing comfortable, well made clothing that fits our current lifestyles is sickening. But that’s how people seem to behave in today’s society. Being rude while behind a keyboard is becoming the norm. It’s sad.
We are so blessed!
When I said I was retiring the younger people looked aghast and said, “All you’ll do is sit around watching TV and be bored.” HA! I’ve never been happier or busier doing the things that I want to do.
That said, the hardest part for me was learning how to dress. Going from business dress to casual has been hard and I still don’t always get it right. Your style and commentary has been a guiding light. I remember being young and seeing older women in all those Koret pastel print outfits and thinking I don’t want to dress like that. Your style is casual, and country classy! Thank you (maybe a post on the change from business to casual might be interesting)
I will work on a post for that. Thanks Nanci
I am almost 78 and live independently in an extended care community where people from 65 to over 100 are respectful and kind to one another. The cruel comment about nursing homes bothers me way more than the insult to your clothing. You are always beautifully dressed and I look forward to “being with you” daily. Frankly, I can’t imagine what the person means…are you a poorly dressed visitor? People in nursing home are dying and they generally don’t go in and out unless they are lucky. Old people dress how they want because they have figured out what matters and most wish they had figured it out sooner.
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Beautifully said Mary, thank you!
I agree with the comment about rudeness. People like this should be held accountable for their remarks … anything from a “well, in my day we had manners,” to a simple, “are you always this rude?” It doesn’t matter what you/we wear or what we look like: this kind of remark has no place in our social discourse.
I love how you dress and try to emulate your outfits. My friend and I have let our hair go natural and someone who isn’t that much younger said she will never go grey. My friend said ” well I find it liberating.” I loved that. Stick with what you know and like.
I find it liberating too but encourage all women to do it their way!
I am sorry you got insulted by this person. So rude! I wonder why she was on this blog if she was 40? She must be an unhappy person searching out blogs to insult women.. Sounds like she was jealous of how good you look for your age.
She is cowardly because she hides behind her computer with her insults, and would not tell you in person such things.
Thank you for all you do, you always look classy.
As a southern woman, my mama taught me to respond to such comments with a smiling “well, bless your heart”. 😉 I am continually astounded by people who claim to speak “truth” while hiding behind a keyboard. I doubt that this woman would have had the audacity to say something so rude to your face, but you never know. I received some negative comments (all from women, by the way) about “letting myself go” after I stopped coloring my hair four years ago at the age of 60. Just because my hair is now an amazing shade of silver and cut in a bob that Anna Wintour would envy does not mean that I have stopped taking care of myself! Jennifer, I think you look great and I love getting style inspiration from you. Sad that many don’t realize that aging is a privilege not available to everyone.
As a 74 year old woman who goes every other day to visit her 94 year old mother in her assisted living place, I can one hundred percent attest that you do not dress like most women going in and out of a nursing home! A snarky comment
such as that reveals much about the commentator. Also: “if you can’t say something nice, do not say anything at all”! More than 55 years ago, a San Jose
Mercury News “lifestyle” column suggested giving three heartfelt compliments
per day as a way of overcoming shyness and introversion, and I have tried to do that daily since. Thanks for a lovely blog and you dress beautifully.
I so appreciate you sharing your feelings and thoughts on this experience. I agree with everything you said about how and why to continue to be ourselves with style—whatever that means to each of us. Thank you for daily encouragement and honest, thoughtful approach!
Cheers! Gosh, I wish I could give you a hug. I do admit, I am a confident woman who is over 60. This weekend, I made the decision to cut my hair shorter after successfully allowing the natural grey color to grow out. If you are interested in appearing attractive to others and still in the game, it does cause a sharp intake of breath to see that older visage staring back at you in the mirror. It will take a bit to get used to. Age is still a crucible for most women and there is a double standard. Thank you for sharing your voice in this area; it’s challenging to navigate a world where choices are foreclosed due to “years in service.” Blessings to all!
Such a wise comment
Thank you for your thoughtful and well-written blog. I appreciate the work that goes into creating this daily blog.
As far as the young woman expressing her opinion, it is just that. her opinion. At 40 we all think we know so much-until we realize how little we do. I thought I was old at 40! Ha. Looking back I was still so young. Never thinking about the things we hide as our bodies change with maturity. My arms are not so firm, my legs have spider veins, my neck is not cooperating with the rest of my body, and my feet get grumpy. But-my hair looks great! So we celebrate our bodies that still carry us so strongly. I can walk, ride a bike, hike, swim, and enjoy life. How lucky are we? She will learn that her “nursing home ” look may be her most comfortable as her body changes, and she celebrates her days. cheers to you all-what a great community of beautiful women.
Yes! Let’s age out loud, celebrate our friends and ourselves, and honor the value wisdom brings to the world.
Hi Jennifer,
I find your comments pointing out derogatory ageist ideas aimed at older women refreshing and needed. Too often those ideas remain unanswered and stinging.
What would I say to a younger woman who made an ageist remark about me? I would say “I hope you will be as lucky as I am to live this long and that you never hear a remark like that.”
Well, I guess that nasty commenter has seen some very stylish women!
Yes, because I’ve seen some very stylish women in nursing homes!
Considering the average age of women entering a nursing home (as a resident) is 85, surely she meant you dress as a daughter or female relative visiting a resident. Either way, it wasn’t a very polite comment.
I dont care what others think. Im good with , & love, combacks. So see me for replies to obnoxious remarks. This particular person was insulting you, the collective you and people who, out of necessity, live in or frequent nursing homes. So whatever comeback she gets she deserves. ( Not long ago I told you Im no sweet old lady. )
Try:
– Embrace the nursing-home vibe do you?
-Wearing your insecurities today, I see.
– I know you are most welcome at parties.
I could go on and on.
But, seriously, older people need to cease being so nice and putting up with ageism. Call it out. At the same time don’t give others fodder for rudeness. I once told a guy, at a dinner party, that his remarks were ageism. He was so fun to mess with! He told me he’d never heard that word. He knows now what it means – we did not part on bad terms.
Great blog! The woman that made the nasty comment will be lucky if she looks half as good as you when she is 60! Well said. Thank you.
Good morning Jennifer, I love your insights on style for the over 60 women, it occurs to me that I can’t believe I’m 75 going on 76. I’m still “me” inside, feel great , after inevitable things like hip and shoulder replacements, and keep myself focused on going each day as a wonderful gift. I smile knowing those whose comments and opinions may be rude or insulting are truly a comment on lack of empathy and care for others. Be the strong experienced woman; your instincts are excellent and your style is ageless as well as elegant, modest and classic.
Sandra