Ageism and Style Over 60: What a Style Insult Taught Me
Some mornings, I open my phone, and it feels like stepping into a crowded room where everyone is talking at once, with opinions flying and images everywhere. If you’re a woman navigating ageism and style over 60, that noise can feel especially pointed. It can be overwhelming, even when you’ve chosen to be there.
Being online is my choice and my business. I show up here because I care about thoughtful style, real conversation, and the women who read what I share. But even when you choose this path, even when you’re clear on your purpose, there are moments that stop you cold.
A woman recently commented that my outfits reminded her of what she sees on women going in and out of nursing homes. And yes—she meant it as an insult. She wasn’t offering a gentle opinion or a quirky association. She was trying to cut me down.
Now, I’ve been around long enough to know that comments like that say more about the person delivering them than the one receiving them. Still, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t land somewhere. She wanted it to sting. And for a brief moment, it did.
Not because I believe her. But it reminded me how easily age is used as a cheap shot…a quick way to diminish a woman without saying anything of substance. The fact that it came from someone in her 40s adds another layer entirely. It speaks to the way our culture still pits women against each other, feeding us the idea that youth is currency and age is something to fear. That kind of comment isn’t just about me, it’s about the insecurity and internalized ageism that tells younger women they gain value by tearing older ones down.
There’s this tired belief that dressing your age means giving up. That if you choose comfort or subtlety over flash, you’ve somehow surrendered style altogether.
I reject that. I wear what reflects who I am now… a woman with experience, confidence, and a wardrobe that fits my life, not someone else’s expectations. If that’s too subtle or mature for some, so be it.
Judgment is everywhere, but for women over 60, it can feel especially pointed. Choosing to be visible, online or off, is a quiet act of defiance. It’s how we push back against a culture that still hasn’t figured out how to value women as we age.
If you’ve ever hesitated to share a photo or wear what you love because of what someone might say…consider whose voice you’re prioritizing. Let it be your own. The one that knows what fits, what flatters, what feels like you. That’s the voice worth listening to.
I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter here and join our positive conversation about aging in style.
If you’ve ever questioned whether your style is still ‘relevant,’ this post on Style Myths Women Over 60 Should Ignore may feel like a breath of fresh air.
FAQ: Ageism and Style Over 60
Q: What does ageism look like in fashion and personal style?
A: Ageism in fashion often shows up as subtle (or not-so-subtle) criticism when older women dress in ways that reflect who they are, rather than chasing youth. It can sound like backhanded comments, surprise that you “still care about clothes,” or assumptions that style has an expiration date. It’s rooted in the belief that aging should be hidden, rather than lived out loud.
Q: How should women over 60 respond to ageist comments about their appearance or style?
A: With clarity, not apology. You don’t need to defend your age or your style. If someone takes a cheap shot, it says more about their own discomfort with aging than it does about you. Confidence is often the most unsettling outfit of all for people who don’t know how to wear it.
Q: Can personal style really push back against ageism?
A: Absolutely. Every time a woman over 60 dresses for herself…not for approval, not to look younger, but to feel like herself, she’s quietly challenging the idea that aging makes us invisible. Style isn’t just about clothes; it’s about presence. And presence at our age is powerful.
What would you say to a younger woman who’s never been told that aging can be its own kind of freedom?
Jennifer, this topic really resonates with me. How is it OK for a man to look distinguished as they age but, women look frumpy and no longer attractive. It is women in this chat that can help change the way society sees us. The generation behind us changed the way they work and made it acceptable for the fact they have children that need to cared for and that came first. I came from a workforce that pretended children were not something we could ask for time off to care for. I am sad that someone was so disrespectful to you, but know you are beautiful and provide a safe place for us to be genuine. Thank you and hugs to you.
Well a bunch of adds flashed and my comment disappeared. Darn! I agree with the other 85+ commenters. Great blog today Jennifer. You are the best and so is this community.
That woman’s comment was really nasty! Don’t you think that some people are nasty because they don’t feel good about themselves and want to project that onto others? Reminds me of a comment a “new friend” said to me when I met her for our second outing. she said, ” I think you look like an old maid schoolteacher!” Wow I was stunned! 1) I was newly married, and 2) what is wrong with looking like a schoolteacher???? I would say to that woman, are you really comfortable with what you are wearing? Well, I am! I wear what I am comfortable in and feel put together. I am not trying to please anybody else but myself.
Have very sad she felt the need to leave something negative. She certainly could’ve just scrolled on along. I don’t have children. I’m not a soccer mom. I’m a 57 year-old cool aunt and I dress according to my mood be at a vintage concert T-shirt and some ripped jeans to a tailored suit from Talbots. I would say dress to make yourself happy. I would also say embrace every stage of life. One of my best friends is a 90-year-old woman who used to have a television show and she still rocks it.
We can all rock it!
Thank you for this post. When a number of hurtful comments were made to/about me, I understood what was happening intellectually but was at a loss to handle it emotionally. As a result, I’m working to regain confidence and get my style mojo back. Your real, down to earth approach coupled with great wit has helped. I’m glad you’ve let it go and not allowed it to rent space in your head!!
Sincere thanks, Jennifer!
Hang in there Linda! To be perfectly honest, some people are a-holes and don’t deserve our time.
Yes!! 100%
That is quite the insulting comment. These long dresses and skirts that everyone is wearing (regardless of age) do seem as if they bring out this type of commentary. I will not be unhappy when garment manufacturers realize they can make more money with shorter skirts.
I was actually in a nursing home the other day. One of the residents had an outfit hanging up in the hall. I am sure it was her favorite outfit and reminded her of days when she wore it before she was in the nursing home. It did look as if it was 20 years old. More power to all of us to wear our favorite clothes to remind us of our full lives.
Thanks for sharing that story
I am sorry that someone wrote hurtful and rude comments. No response is the more powerful thing to do. Just let her negative remarks sit there to be a reflection of who she is. Anyone reading it will know what a shallow individual she is. Your blog is great! You give options for everyone. We get to be whatever we want to be.
We do! Let’s empower other women.
I was on a cruise right after my mother had passed. I wore her wedding ring on my right hand that she’d placed there on her deathbed, and my wedding and anniversary rings on my left. A woman at my table wearing slacks and a button-down shirt was commenting on (criticizing) the formal attire that evening. She looked at me in my LBD and said, “I’m not trying to impress anyone,” and then pointed at my rings, “or wearing jewelry just to be noticed.” I was so shocked that I couldn’t say a word about her rude behavior. Later, it bothered me that I didn’t respond and shoot back how I wear everything for myself and the rings were all more significant than their value. I realized I couldn’t be as mean to anyone as she’d been to me. I believe she was so insecure that she attacked to justify her appearance. Her comments were so low that I didn’t want to retaliate because sometimes people are pitiful enough as they are. I walked away, knowing my silence spoke louder than her cruelty ever could.
You are a very classy lady Connie. I’m so sorry that happened to you! Her words speak to her insecurity and lack of class.
It is so hard at times to battle with yourself – I want to wear this, is it appropriate? But if I answer YES, I WANT to wear this, I do. I teach 9th/10th grade girls. I told my girls on my birthday that I turned 69. The most surprising comments were: you don’t act like you are old, and you don’t dress like you are old, you always wear such bright and fun colors. So yes, I will continue to wear what I want. Thank you for the reminder.
Oh, my goodness! Why do women have to be so catty at times? We should always be ready to build each other up, no matter our age, body size and type, race, etc. Let’s straighten each other’s crowns for a change!! Love your blog, Jennifer.
I recently read a method for responding to such a remark, but unfortunately it’s something best done in person:
First, ask them to repeat what they said.
Secondly, ask them if their intention was to hurt you, after which you stay silent while much
embarrassed (assuming they have the self-awareness to know shame) back-peddling likely ensues.
I’m so sorry you had to be subjected to that!!
That’s a great tactic.
Jennifer-you are a great example of how to look chic and put together at any age and how to help others continue to feel beautiful. Shame on that individual for leaving that kind of negative comment. As you said women should be supporting women at all ages.
No need to defend, your blog has always said it all. Someone once said to me “think about your words, what is the outcome you’re wanting”. I feel so sorry for her, what is in our hearts is what comes out of our mouths. It is also reflected in our lives and how we present ourselves. She’s already a trashy, bitter, pathetic and sad little person. Keep being you – you’ve got an awful lot of friends who like you just the way you are.
Well, I did once have to put a snotty youngster in her place: “With any luck, you’ll die young and won’t have to worry about it.”
The young woman who made the comment must hang out around senior communities where the residents dress with elegance and great style because you always look “Fabulous, Darling”. Thank you Jennifer for sharing your great sense of style as well as articles about living our age with style and a great sense of joy.
How incredibly thoughtless and rude that comment is, and what a thoughtful and intelligent post you’ve written in response, Jennifer. I’m 75 and have been following you for years. You have great style and you support and encourage other women. Thank you for all you do do!
Jennifer, I am horrified you find yourself on the receiving end of such comments but it is encouraging to read such inspiring responses here at your blog. Those who seek to belittle older women only highlight their own cruelty, ignorance and fear of their own advancing years. We here are making the best of our lives and the assets only gained in later years and through experience. (Confident elegance being one of those assets!)
Jennifer…thank you for sharing this situation. Being intentionally unkind is so unbelievably unattractive and yet seems to be an ever increasing part of daily life. Please know that I love reading your posts, and think you exude style and confidence. You have created a wonderful community here!
I adore this community and am so happy you all support each other!
I’ll never understand why some people are so unkind. I’m sorry this stung you, Jennifer, even if it was just for a moment. The cruel comment speaks more to the commenters insecurity than to any fashion judgment. We should feel sorry for her, her future doesn’t look bright. I bet she dreads looking in the mirror every morning.
FWIW, I believe that all folks going in and out of a nursing home to visit and provide comfort and support are beautiful!
I agree with you Terry, they are all beautiful
To all the positive comments you’ve received—Amen!!! That internet troll needs to crawl back to the rock she crawled out from! Jennifer—you are a beautiful both inside and out!