Ageism and Style Over 60: What a Style Insult Taught Me
Some mornings, I open my phone, and it feels like stepping into a crowded room where everyone is talking at once, with opinions flying and images everywhere. If you’re a woman navigating ageism and style over 60, that noise can feel especially pointed. It can be overwhelming, even when you’ve chosen to be there.
Being online is my choice and my business. I show up here because I care about thoughtful style, real conversation, and the women who read what I share. But even when you choose this path, even when you’re clear on your purpose, there are moments that stop you cold.
A woman recently commented that my outfits reminded her of what she sees on women going in and out of nursing homes. And yes—she meant it as an insult. She wasn’t offering a gentle opinion or a quirky association. She was trying to cut me down.
Now, I’ve been around long enough to know that comments like that say more about the person delivering them than the one receiving them. Still, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t land somewhere. She wanted it to sting. And for a brief moment, it did.
Not because I believe her. But it reminded me how easily age is used as a cheap shot…a quick way to diminish a woman without saying anything of substance. The fact that it came from someone in her 40s adds another layer entirely. It speaks to the way our culture still pits women against each other, feeding us the idea that youth is currency and age is something to fear. That kind of comment isn’t just about me, it’s about the insecurity and internalized ageism that tells younger women they gain value by tearing older ones down.
There’s this tired belief that dressing your age means giving up. That if you choose comfort or subtlety over flash, you’ve somehow surrendered style altogether.
I reject that. I wear what reflects who I am now… a woman with experience, confidence, and a wardrobe that fits my life, not someone else’s expectations. If that’s too subtle or mature for some, so be it.
Judgment is everywhere, but for women over 60, it can feel especially pointed. Choosing to be visible, online or off, is a quiet act of defiance. It’s how we push back against a culture that still hasn’t figured out how to value women as we age.
If you’ve ever hesitated to share a photo or wear what you love because of what someone might say…consider whose voice you’re prioritizing. Let it be your own. The one that knows what fits, what flatters, what feels like you. That’s the voice worth listening to.
I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter here and join our positive conversation about aging in style.
If you’ve ever questioned whether your style is still ‘relevant,’ this post on Style Myths Women Over 60 Should Ignore may feel like a breath of fresh air.
FAQ: Ageism and Style Over 60
Q: What does ageism look like in fashion and personal style?
A: Ageism in fashion often shows up as subtle (or not-so-subtle) criticism when older women dress in ways that reflect who they are, rather than chasing youth. It can sound like backhanded comments, surprise that you “still care about clothes,” or assumptions that style has an expiration date. It’s rooted in the belief that aging should be hidden, rather than lived out loud.
Q: How should women over 60 respond to ageist comments about their appearance or style?
A: With clarity, not apology. You don’t need to defend your age or your style. If someone takes a cheap shot, it says more about their own discomfort with aging than it does about you. Confidence is often the most unsettling outfit of all for people who don’t know how to wear it.
Q: Can personal style really push back against ageism?
A: Absolutely. Every time a woman over 60 dresses for herself…not for approval, not to look younger, but to feel like herself, she’s quietly challenging the idea that aging makes us invisible. Style isn’t just about clothes; it’s about presence. And presence at our age is powerful.
What would you say to a younger woman who’s never been told that aging can be its own kind of freedom?
Actually, I am shocked, that anyone can be that catty & rude! If You don’t like the content, then don’t watch it! SIMPLE stuff… I find Your outfits very classy, & would feel comfortable in wearing the majority …Thank You…for just letting it slide like water on a Duck’s back.
Hi I am a long time reader and I think you always look great-very well put together. I seem to know many people like that-always giving me the side-eye or having something snarky to say. I dont think i dress too young or too old so I dont really know why, just their lack i guess. Dont pay any attention you are doing a great job. We appreciate you!
Thank you for these words of truth and afirmation.
“Confidence is often the most unsettling outfit of all for people who don’t know how to wear it.” I love that thought, Jennifer! It speaks to me about having the confidence to pursue my own style without worrying about what others think. It helps keep the journey of dressing for my life and my spirit fresh and fun, free from others’ expectations of what I “should” look like!
Yay, Ruth!!
Oh dear that is so sad the person felt the need to write such a hurtful response. To me it sounds like that of a very insecure person who may have had meanness and bullying directed at her. I’m in my 70’s and have recently found your website. Your style is “so me” and really helpful. Thank you so much
Well said Jennifer! The youth have much to learn. I for one really appreciated today’s blog. Thank you for making me feel stronger and confident in my own style.
The receptionist at my doctor’s office squealed “Well, don’t you look cute sweetheart.” She was saying that she couldn’t believe I was still trying.
I complained to my doctor about her attitude. She doesn’t work there anymore.
Bravo! Her comment sounded so condescending.
There is so much truth in wearing what is truly you. I had a cousin that was like my sister that I would go shopping with many times. She was a seamstress and I valued her opinion greatly. She would often pick out a dress or top and say “this is you”. Yes you are so right to dress to who you are. Do I love everything you wear? Maybe not, but it looks like you and I can appreciate that. You spark ideas and yes some items resonate with me and I do love what you offer. Like one of your readers says that she wants to make herself feel superior and better, and that is a sad thing for her.
Brava!! I think the last ten years have given people license to say things they never would have said out loud in the past and we are worse for it. I am turning 60 soon, and I am very firm in my Gen-X ness. So my response would be, “Who effing asked you?” Whilst using the full F bomb as Gen Xers do. “I don’t recall asking for your opinion.” I’m so tired of the rudeness and negativity.
I love your response Shari. It’s perfect. I’m tired of the rudeness, slovenliness, and lack of empathy in today’s society. Does that make me old fashioned? Perhaps, but I’m ok with that.
Hi Jennifer, usually when I read your blog first thing in the morning comments aren’t up yet. I was sure there would be many in reply to this post, but 209 (so far)! I’m so glad that you have all this support around you, and are confident enough to reject nasty comments like that one (even though it did sting a bit at first). As others have said, your blog is so very helpful, thank you!
I’ve been reading your column for years however this is my first time responding…just loved reading this one, you’re spot on my dear. I’m 83 and still care about my clothes, hair, nails you name it. Keep it up. Blessings
Thanks for being here Carolyn.
First time I post a comment but I look forward to reading your blog daily and have learned a lot! I am 70 years old but heathy and active. I try to stay as stylish as possible and not dress “to young for my age”, but admittedly sometimes make purchases I later regret because I feel they make me look like an older lady trying to look too young!!! But if it looks good on me I wear it anyway. Since retiring, I still have a lot of clothes I used to wear to work as the dress code was casual business, but I really need to part with a lot of that because I no longer wear those items… I love your blog and often want to purchase items you post, but I find many are not within my budget…I have recently made several purchases from Quince which I find to be great quality and a great company! I recently saw a hat you were wearing that I wanted desperately but $300 for a hat is more than I can bring myself to spend… keep up the good work… love your style and suggestions
This is just as meaningful now as it was last year. Thank you for reposting it. You are a classy lady and you help the rest of us look classy for our age (I am 80) . Have a wonderful day!!
Thanks Judy. I always love to hear from you.
I just had a thought (imagine that)….it’s an interesting topic but then there are plus size people that probably deal with stereotyping as well. I’ve seen some plus size ladies that can have great style and look so pulled together what ever their age is. I’ve seen and know people my age and older that can wow you. I just think it comes down to whether or not a person cares about themselves and makes a personal decision on how to present themselves and their own personal style (it’s a mind set). There is also the other side of coin so to speak…..I know people so hung up on how they look as they age that it can be quite annoying to be around them because I feel they can be so judgemental (maybe that’s the category the young lady you referenced falls).
Great points Robin
First, your outfits are lovely and inspirational. When a person in their 40s says this, I have to laugh. Their day will come! If we dressed like we were still in our 40s it would look ridiculous and that would be ridiculed too. As far as women not supporting women: I told 2 friends the other day that my feelings were hurt when my dad saw a picture of me and my 20’s and said “when did you get so heavy? And it makes you look older?” I’m like 20 pounds overweight, not so bad….but the point is my friends then felt it was an opening to jump in and start commenting about my hair, which I let go natural, saying why did I do it? And one actually pulled up a picture of me with my dark hair saying she liked it like that! Mind you, I have never had SO many compliments like I do with my silver grey hair, and I love it, but I was upset that they said it. What happened to: if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all??? P.S. These 2 friends are 66 and 85 and have never changed anything at all about their appearances in years. So maybe they are trying to justify that they are afraid of change? Anyway, keep posting and forget the comments from negative people – I mean if they don’t like it, why are they reading your column?
Your “friends” sound jealous, defensive and frankly, just mean. If you haven’t already, now may be a great time to send them an email, or voicemail with your thoughts. I hate when people take cheap pot shots at us.
Kudos to you!
No one deserves a cheap shot.
I would remind a person who trashes what I wear “thank you, I dress with pride and I dress for me.
Age is a number and mine is over 70 but that does not define me, dictate my style or number my days. I love clothes and have quite a range of styles but none are from a book telling me what to where to align with my age. I still have opinions, can make choices and dress myself! Thank you Jennifer for guidance, ideas and choices. I appreciate you!
Jennifer. Social media while so good has the ability for mean people to hide behind it. I applaud you for putting it out there and I appreciate having someone close to my age advocating for me. I dress like you. I am still working by choice so I always have to think about work appropriate but because I am in charge, I have made the work environment much more approachable. I came up in the 70s when women were fighting for equal rights in the workplace in order to get respect, we had to dress like men work harder and get paid less.
One more thing. If you are the one that told me that Munro shoes are still available I could kiss your sore feet. I’ve ordered three pairs and they are like custom-made for my feet. Thank you.
I was so thrilled to see Munro back! They are sooo comfy!
at 75, I want to dress classy yet fun. Are patterned skirts a no-no, especially for travel to a warmer area like the Mediterranean in early May? And, what about capris that are not wide-legged?
I would pause on the narrow capris these days, but if you love them, go for it. Patterned skirts are perfect for a warm climate. We love the Mediterranean…have a fun trip
Jennifer, I feel that women in their 30’s or 40’s who make cutting comments about an older woman’s appearance fear aging. I’ve thought about saying something like, “How about if I check back in 20 years, and we’ll see how middle age is going for you.” Will these women embrace aging, or will they hide themselves away in embarrassment? Are they comparing us to movie stars who have access to the most expensive plastic surgeons, dermatologists, stylists, photo editors, etc., and assume that everyone in their 60’s and 70’s can look just like Martha Stewart or Nicole Kidman? If so, that is a very unhealthy, unrealistic assumption.
Excellent comment for a situation we all have experienced I am sure. We hold back our comments because we’re shocked that someone would be so openly rude but mostly because we come from a generation where we were taught to be the better person in these moments.