Musing If Style Rules Are Stealing Your Joy
Last Monday, I shared two women whose outfits quietly spoke volumes about their personal style. Neither look was trend-driven, and both women seemed to be dressing entirely for themselves, which is always refreshing to see.
It got me thinking about how often we stop dressing that way ourselves. So many of us begin with a sense of curiosity about style, but somewhere along the way, the joy starts to drain out. We’re handed tools like color palettes, body type charts, and wardrobe formulas, and while those can absolutely be helpful, they often come with quiet rules tucked inside. Rules we slowly start to follow without even realizing it.
At first, they promise ease. But over time, they can limit the very freedom that makes style feel personal.
I’ve certainly felt it. Maybe you have too, that moment when you reach for something you love, only to put it back because it doesn’t “flatter” or “fit your palette” or “work for your proportions.” We start dressing for safety instead of delight. To get it right instead of to feel like ourselves.
That’s the trap of formula dressing. Even when the advice is well-meaning, it can end up policing our instincts. And the irony? Some of the outfits we feel best in don’t follow any of the so-called rules at all. Take, for example, me, wearing red.
I’ve never worn red because the color has more energy than I’m usually prepared to deal with, and it tends to overpower my softer coloring. It’s not in my palette, and it’s never felt like “me.” I’m also petite, and technically, wide-leg pants aren’t supposed to be my friend. But last week, we were heading out to dinner and I was feeling exhausted. On a whim, I borrowed my daughter’s red jumpsuit, just to see if it might lift my energy. It did. And it felt fabulous.
To balance the boldness, I grounded the red with my Eileen Fisher black cardigan, Talbots handbag, and Kohl’s sandals. It softened the intensity just enough, but the energy was still there. The color, the wide legs, the movement…none of it followed the so-called rules for my coloring or proportions. But it felt good and sometimes, that’s the only thing that matters.
Try This Instead
If you’ve been dressing by habit or by someone else’s rules, consider trying one of these small shifts this week. Not as a makeover, but as an experiment in delight:
- Reach for something you love but haven’t worn because it “breaks a rule.” Put it on. Walk around the house. See what it brings up. Bonus points for leaving the house wearing it.
- Choose with curiosity. When you open your closet, ask yourself, what do I feel drawn to today? Not what’s most flattering. Not what goes with everything. Just… what calls to you?
- Notice your inner script. If you catch yourself thinking, I can’t wear that anymore, gently ask: says who? And is it still true?
I had to return the red jumpsuit 😉 but this has taught me to loosen the grip I’ve allowed seasonal color palettes to have on my wardrobe.
Here’s a bit more red that caught my eye:
Is there something in your closet you’ve been avoiding…not because you dislike it, but because you’ve been told you shouldn’t wear it?
You need to buy that red jumpsuit! It looks fabulous on you!! I liked your comment about dressing for joy; it’s kind of my mantra. Because I live in warm climates most of the year, I can dress in bright colors and patterns that are simply fun. As I age, I realize that I don’t have to follow convention regarding how an older woman dresses. I dress for me and what makes me happy!
This looks great on you. You’ve just given us the perfect reason to always be open to a little change. We may not know what we are missing!
I too dislike red on myself and only maybe wear in during Christmas. However any other time I wear red I usually take it off!
Until we moved to Nebraska I never wore red. In Nebraska red is a favorite color, and not just at football games. Now, I love red and wear it often. It is energizing and youthful. You look great in red and should add it in your rotation. Break some rules!
How fun!
Love the boldness of the red—. Ladies we can put on any color we want to wear and make a fabulous statement!! Do it!!
I love the red jumpsuit on you! The whole outfit a full WIN! I recently stepped out of my comfort zone and bought some brightly, printed breezy palazzo pants. I love wearing those pants. It is still a little “scary” when I wear them😃 but I feel so chic when I wear them.
A palazzo pant is so fun to walk in. I love the swish!
Great article! I have a closet full of stuff, but also find myself second guessing the items. Almost 70, so it’s, is it trying too hard – yeah seriously a loose cable vneck and dark jeans. I plan to spend time this week putting together some outfits I feel great in, and donating the items that are just not. Have a blessed week! Dress to make yourself happy!
You look great in the red jumpsuit! I’ve found that sometimes when I don’t follow my colors, and wear something that I like, the feedback from others convinces me that some colors don’t work for me. I used to have a pumpkin shirtdress, loved the color, but every time I wore it, people kept asking me if I was getting enough rest, that I looked tired. So I went back to respecting the color rules. I do still wear pumpkin, but only as part of a print with colors that do work for me. And some colors that I think don’t work, do work and I get good feedback from others.
That looks a nice soft shade of red maybe because is reducing the intensity of the colour
Yes, and I left space between it and my comlexion.
I think that you look fabulous in your daughter’s jumpsuit!
I will respectfully disagree about red not being in your palette. I have read about your multiple adventures with color analysis. I believe you have been analyzed as a summer or a cool, soft, light in the Your Color Style system, which I find to be the most accurate of all the systems I have seen. I believe there is a red for everyone! Yours is a cool, softer red. The photos you posted sure look like the red in your daughter’s jumpsuit hits the sweet spot :).
I also think the wide legs of the jumpsuit look great. They are flowy and do not overwhelm you. In fact, they balance out your broad shoulders.
I hope your daughter does not mourn the loss of her jumpsuit too much (wink, wink).
I love your advice today.
The red outfit looks terrific on you!
The red outfit looks amazing on you! I too have always felt that I could never wear red. Now I am curious to try it out.
I think that red looks great on you! I too have stopped wearing red, although I can’t really say why. That’s a nice cool red too, which helps your coloring and gives you life and energy. Wear it again! Or buy one like it.!
Lol, I’ll have to buy one like it. Maybe I should be looking for red sweaters based on the season.
That looks absolutely lovely!
Hello from Winnipeg!
You look fabulous in that red jumpsuit!
Lately I too, have been drawn to red items and agree with you on the way some “rules” block us from wearing what we are drawn to!
Thanks for your encouragement to be ourselves!
Happy Monday Karen!
Amen! You look darling!
Great read. It has set my inspiration higher for dressing this week. You look absolutely beautiful in your jumper outfit! Thank you and cheers to dressing for joy! Jennifer in Port Angeles
I love where you live. Great town!
I agree with you. I wear denim b/c I love it and can combine it with many other clothes. Wearing something I feel good in can transform my day. I teach Silver Sneakers exercise classes so when I get out of these clothes, I want to wear something I really enjoy, which, now is gauze in hot summers in Louisiana. I feel like you have given us permission to wear what feels comfortable, fun to us!
There’s a huge value in wearing things that feel fun.
Good Morning Jennifer. Great article. And you look absolutely fabulous in that red jump suit. Just wondering, did you have to have that hemmed? I’m also 5’4. Maybe I just haven’t had enough coffee yet, but not seeing where Quince indicates inseam.
I didn’t have to hem it but my sandals do have a low, stable wedge which adds a bit of height.
I love that jumpsuit so much I had to take a look. It has a 27” inseam which will be perfect for me at 5’4” .
You look fabulous! What a stunning outfit! Red is my favorite color but I rarely wear it anymore. You have inspired me to take another look at why and how I can still wear my favorite color!
If it’s your favorite color, go for it!