Musing If Style Rules Are Stealing Your Joy
Last Monday, I shared two women whose outfits quietly spoke volumes about their personal style. Neither look was trend-driven, and both women seemed to be dressing entirely for themselves, which is always refreshing to see.
It got me thinking about how often we stop dressing that way ourselves. So many of us begin with a sense of curiosity about style, but somewhere along the way, the joy starts to drain out. We’re handed tools like color palettes, body type charts, and wardrobe formulas, and while those can absolutely be helpful, they often come with quiet rules tucked inside. Rules we slowly start to follow without even realizing it.
At first, they promise ease. But over time, they can limit the very freedom that makes style feel personal.
I’ve certainly felt it. Maybe you have too, that moment when you reach for something you love, only to put it back because it doesn’t “flatter” or “fit your palette” or “work for your proportions.” We start dressing for safety instead of delight. To get it right instead of to feel like ourselves.
That’s the trap of formula dressing. Even when the advice is well-meaning, it can end up policing our instincts. And the irony? Some of the outfits we feel best in don’t follow any of the so-called rules at all. Take, for example, me, wearing red.
I’ve never worn red because the color has more energy than I’m usually prepared to deal with, and it tends to overpower my softer coloring. It’s not in my palette, and it’s never felt like “me.” I’m also petite, and technically, wide-leg pants aren’t supposed to be my friend. But last week, we were heading out to dinner and I was feeling exhausted. On a whim, I borrowed my daughter’s red jumpsuit, just to see if it might lift my energy. It did. And it felt fabulous.
To balance the boldness, I grounded the red with my Eileen Fisher black cardigan, Talbots handbag, and Kohl’s sandals. It softened the intensity just enough, but the energy was still there. The color, the wide legs, the movement…none of it followed the so-called rules for my coloring or proportions. But it felt good and sometimes, that’s the only thing that matters.
Try This Instead
If you’ve been dressing by habit or by someone else’s rules, consider trying one of these small shifts this week. Not as a makeover, but as an experiment in delight:
- Reach for something you love but haven’t worn because it “breaks a rule.” Put it on. Walk around the house. See what it brings up. Bonus points for leaving the house wearing it.
- Choose with curiosity. When you open your closet, ask yourself, what do I feel drawn to today? Not what’s most flattering. Not what goes with everything. Just… what calls to you?
- Notice your inner script. If you catch yourself thinking, I can’t wear that anymore, gently ask: says who? And is it still true?
I had to return the red jumpsuit 😉 but this has taught me to loosen the grip I’ve allowed seasonal color palettes to have on my wardrobe.
Here’s a bit more red that caught my eye:
Is there something in your closet you’ve been avoiding…not because you dislike it, but because you’ve been told you shouldn’t wear it?
First, how lucky for you to be able to share clothes with your daughter! I totally understand the feeling of being overwhelmed by certain colors. You looked great in the red jumpsuit suit. I’m glad it gave you the lift you needed on your night out.
I once did an experiment. I bought two scarves at a charity sale. One scarf was “my colors” and was the sensible choice. The other scarf was a beautiful birds and flowers motif and sparked joy. The 2nd scarf was the one that got worn. We need to spark more joy and worry less about rules!
I love this, Lily!
Good morning Jennifer. You look amazing in red…I think it has pink undertones, maybe that’s why that red works for you. I remember jumpsuits way back in the 80’s. They really pulled you together, same as a wrap dress. I’m trying to add some color to my wardrobe instead of my trusty white and black palate…. Have a great week…
It does have a cool base. Happy Monday!
My coloring is just like yours and I’m 5’1” and 135 lbs. so wide leg pants should look bad but they don’t. I even bought a vertical stripe gauze top and wide leg matching pants from Old Navy and it is so comfortable and cool in this heat. It is my favorite fabric and outfit! My mother loved red on her little white haired daughter so she dressed me in red fussy dresses until I was about four and refused to wear it. I have had an intense dislike of red ever since. So it is a personal dislike not a rules that bother me. I have always listened to my own drum beat as my mother used to say. You look great in your daughter’s jumpsuit!
This was a very interesting post. I too feel a bit trapped by my rules. Some body type…dark on top, V neck, and colours, but others like no maxi or midi or I don’t wear pants in the summer are restricting and darn right cold some days.
But I have to say if I do stick to my rules, I do feel good in what I am wearing.
This led me to thinking what rules do you try to follow…. Another post idea? Oh and red is my colour but don’t wear it much as I feel like I am flashing light but Interestingly when I wear fuchsia I don’t feel the same. 🤷🏻♀️ ….you looked great in your red!
That’s an interesting observation about fuchsia vs red for you
You look fabulous in red!
I always avoided brown because I was told it was not my color (I’m a “winter,” very pale with blue eyes and dark hair). And warm browns with yellow or orange tones don’t tend to look good on me to my own eye. But when the chocolate browns and “mocha mousse” began to trend, I realized that many of them were cooler browns. They may not be as flattering to me as jade green or cranberry, but they look fine, and I’m enjoy the change of pace and feeling in style. I was sticking to pants, skirts, accessories, etc, but I just ordered a chocolate-brown barn jacket for fall!
I think a change can feel invigorating.
As Kathleen above said, it’s time to wear the sleeveless even if our arms are not toned. I decided to do the same last year. At 71, who am I trying to impress? I also started wearing maxi dresses because they make me feel feminine, plus I like the swish.
I love red! It makes me feel energized, strong, and happy. Wear the red Jennifer!
I do love the swish too. It’s just fun
Just saying-I think you look great in red! That was a WOW outfit:).
The red jumpsuit looks amazing on you!!! Thank you for reminding us to stay true to ourselves.
Hi Jennifer…
I am a new reader and enjoy your prospective and your words of kindness! Unfortunately, the judgemental words of others are so not necessary and I’m hoping you can scroll right past them. I live by the words “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”! Keep the joy in your heart as you share your blog…I’ll be reading each one!
Love that red on you! I bought a pair of ponte knit pants in red at the beginning of summer because I loved the colour. As I drove home, I was second guessing the purchase but thought I’d look through my wardrobe and see if I had anything that worked with red. To my delight, those pants look great with silver shoes and light grey knits. I hadn’t thought that a warm/cool combo would work. Thanks for bringing your style musings to us each week!
That sounds like a very fun color combo
Brava!! Questioning the rules is the first step to increasing our joy.
It’s taken me 50 years to figure this out, but it’s been so freeing.
XOXO
Jodie
Good for you! We should all wear what makes us happy. I love red and wear slot of it in the winter. In the summer it is bright pink. But today I have soft colors on and enjoying them. Have a wonderful day!!
The red does look wonderful on you and the tied cropped sweater is perfect with it. I bought a short red jacket a few weeks ago after completely removing all red from my wardrobe over the past ten years or so, since I let my hair grow out and go white. I can’t wait for cooler weather to wear it. Red was once one of my favorite colors and adds such cheer to a wardrobe.
A red jacket sounds so fun!
You look fabulous Jennifer. That red looks like a pink red on my screen, which actually was in the Summer pallet back in the 4 season PCA.
Enjoy the long weekend – I’m on my way to the golf course.
You’re right and I think that’s why it made me feel so happy. It didn’t clash with my undertone. Have fun at golf!
Jennifer thank you for your deep dive. Your rules rant 😂 made me realize I actually don’t allow “do’s and don’ts” rules to dictate my closet. Just struggle with personal proportions, 5’ 3” and color. (Your guidance on proportion and my recent color analysis helps.)
The “wake-up” was my years long struggle with skinny jeans and finally gave up. Never did find a skinny that flattered my fluffy athletic body. (Wish I had that chunk of change back. $$$)
I also think you look great in the red jumpsuit. It’s a fun outfit with energy.
That’s one of your cutest outfits, Jennifer, and is so flattering! As for me, my palette calls for cool colors. My closet is full of turquoise, teal, raspberry, black, and grey. I love those shades, but my favorite color is green. The cooler greens often don’t appeal to me, but I do love some of the warmer tones. Just recently I decided to add a few of those “no-no” shades of green to my wardrobe, and I love them! At my age (78) I figure I can wear whatever I want. Thanks for your wonderful blog posts. I never miss a one.
We have earned the right to wear whatever we want. Happy Monday Judy
My color palette includes corals and watermelon, but I thought now that I’ve “aged” a bit, I should go for softer versions of those colors, but your article has inspired me to lean back into those bolder shades.
The jumpsuit looks fabulous on you. I love red. I always feel happy when I wear it. I’m not sure if it even looks good on me, I just like it. I am going to look in my closet and pick out something that I love! Thanks for challenging us 😉
yay!
I have never subscribed to the color theory. I know it makes things easier for those who need rules, but it’s so restricting. I wear what I like. If I were diagnosed as whatever purple is, I would be miserable. I hate that color. If someone told me I had to wear it, I would stay home naked for the rest of my life. If some color doesn’t “look good” on me according to some chart, then I guess I will not “look good” while I wear it.