Still Waiting: A Life on Hold
Happy Tuesday ladies. Several weeks, (or was it months ago?) ago I mentioned I was having some health challenges and awaiting a few test results. Several ladies have written to ask how they turned out so I thought I would give you an update.
Let me start at the beginning.
Last year…oh crap, this is going to be a long one…I had a CT to check the health of my lungs. I’d been a 2 1/2 pack a day smoker for many years when I was young and dumb. It seemed like everyone smoked back then, but I smoked a lot. Remember when tennis tournaments were sponsored by Virginia Slims? How crazy is that?
I have three friends who’ve had lung cancer and one who started a fantastic lung cancer foundation so I asked my doctor to schedule me for a CT. They discovered a tiny, and I mean tiny spot. Nothing worried the doctor so they decided to just watch it. This year, my doctor suggested I find an oncologist closer to where we live to monitor it because this was out of her field. I went to see the same top-notch oncologist at UC Davis who is monitoring my husband’s lung spot for any changes.
He ordered a follow-up CT to see if it had changed. One week later, he phoned me. Gulp, how often does that happen? He said the small spot on my lung had not changed so not to worry, they would just continue to watch it. Whew! But… they did find a small tumor in the center of my chest, between my lungs, in front of my heart. He was referring me to a thoracic surgeon because it had to come out.
WHAT?
After scraping myself off the ceiling I googled everything I could about this type of tumor. It’s on my thymus, called a thymoma and conventional wisdom says it needs to come out. OK, I’m on board with that. If we have to, we will and deal with the consequences.
I couldn’t get in to see the surgeon until we got back from our trip to Palm Springs. It was a long and stressful wait. I upped my daily walks, meditation and kept on keeping on because what else can you do? Every time I found myself going down the dark hole of worry I would shift my thinking to something positive.
The current health crisis was just ramping on the day of my appointment to see the surgeon but there was no way I would miss this meeting. So hand sanitizer at the ready, we went. The surgeon told us she thinks the radiologist may be mistaken and it might just be a cyst or lymph node. I sure hope she’s right. She’s ordered an MRI but of course, no one wants me to go near a hospital right now, so everything is on hold and I wait.
A few weeks ago I also got a call back about my mammogram. Apparently the radiologist saw something they didn’t like the look of so they rushed me in for a diagnostic mammogram, followed by an ultrasound. The waiting was nerve-wracking, and I was not alone. The room was filled with nervous women, sitting quietly, lost in her own thoughts. I did notice that every other woman had put her purse on the floor. I never do. Do you?
The radiologist finally came in to tell me they’re still not happy with what they see so they’ve requested a breast MRI. I’m currently waiting for my insurance to approve that one. Right about now, I’m sure my insurance company is regretting they ever heard my name:)
It feels like our lives are on hold while we wait for this nasty situation to go away. I know I do.
I’m not going to lie, this is tough. I’m trying not to obsess over these upcoming MRI’s because I’m a huge believer in the power of positive thinking. In fact, I’m on my third fourth viewing of this movie, and will likely watch it again just to bolster my mood.
In the scheme of life these days, I know I am blessed. I can’t control many things these days, but I can control how I dress, whether I put on lipstick and what things I allow to fill my thoughts. I know many of you are also dealing with things that had to be put on hold. The best we can do is support each other, encourage positive thinking and be kind to ourselves and those around us.
Please we well and remember to wear what makes you feel confident. Our wardrobe, cosmetics, and perfume may seem frivolous to some, but I believe they are powerful tools we can use to keep our spirits up when life gets tough.
xx
It takes alot of courage to share this type of news, especially when you may not personally know everyone in your audience. Many women wouldn’t share this with anyone outside of immediate family, if even that. I’m sure you are giving many women the strength they need to share difficult news. In so doing, the floodgates of support, encouragement and love are opened.
Wishing you strength and good news very very soon!
Jennifer, praying for you and that you get some answers soon. It is such a stressful time now, let alone with the concerns you are having. I used to be a smoker and now freak out every time anything unusual comes up and feel horrible guilty about it. Big hugs to you!❤️
Absolutely praying for a positive outcome! May you receive a clean bill of health!
On another note, for you being a past smoker your skin certainly looks fantastic. A smoker’s face is usually worn beyond years. I remember people smoking in restaurants and such, thinking to myself, who could do this because the smell was so bad. I did not realize smokers could not smell the stink. Anyhoo, hoping your week is pleasant:)
Praying for good results for you.
I’m so sorry you are going through this wait and see time, Jennifer. Whatever it is, it sounds like early stage or misdiagnosis. Keep thinking positive thoughts and know your blog family is lifting you up in prayer. And….I never put my purse on the floor. Retired elementary teacher germophobe!
Praying for good results from all your tests. I had an extremely serious illness when I was in my 30s and I was ill for a long time. The Bible verse that gave me the most hope was Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Elaine, this verse has often been a comfort to me as well. Thank you for sharing. Jennifer, I will pray for peace during this time of waiting and the best outcomes possible for you!
I am so sorry to hear of your worries. We are selling our dream retirement home in the country in order to get back into town and live close to the hospital and services again because my husband’s health has declined significantly this past year. The thing about everyone being on pause during this global crisis, it doesn’t change the fact we are all having to continue with our own journeys simultaneous to this. Double stress. Double financial burdens. So on and so forth. We’ll get through it though, all of it. I will be adding you to my prayers and hoping the ultimate news is better than you fear.
So sorry to hear this, but how wonderful that you have so many readers who genuinely care for you! The waiting is so hard. Prayers go out to you during this stressful time. Thanks for sharing as there are so many others who may be going through something similar who you’re helping!
Prayers and positive thoughts are sent your way.
You will be in my prayers.
Prayers Jennifer, waiting is just awful. Thanks for sharing
Dear Jennifer although I don’t know you, I feel like you’re a friend who lets me into her life and gives great advice as well. By the number of heart felt responses to you, others feel that way too. You’ve made a difference in our lives with your work in styling and also telling us to be confident in who we are. I am grateful. I’ll be praying for you and your family as you go through this most difficult challenge.
I too burst out laughing about your aside on purses on the floor! I imagine that’s a habit some folks haven’t really thought about. And see you’ve brought something new to the forefront. You’re always on 🙂
Fran said it perfectly. Thank you for sharing your news. We are praying for you and lifting you up. This too shall pass.
Wishing you good results, hug x
Thanks for sharing your journey with us Jennifer. I hope that you ultimately find there is nothing serious going on. A positive attitude is one of the big factors in a recovery. You always project a positive attitude which I feel sure will help you through this added level of uncertainty in these anxious times.
Other movies that I love to watch in these times:
The Party – 60s movie with Peter Sellers – soooo funny!
The Martian – with Matt Damon (talk about isolation! but with the best can-do spirit)
Shirley Valentine – 1989 with Pauline Collins – about completely transforming life and love
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel – 1 and 2 – Love these movies!!! Friendship, love, transformation
Praying in Oregon . . . for peace and answers soon!
Jennifer, praying for you! Thank you for sharing such a personal moment in your life! I am also a positive thinker and believe in the power of prayer! God is good! Stay safe. 🤗
Jennifer, praying for you! Thank you for sharing such a personal moment in your life! I am also a positive thinker and believe in the power of prayer! God is good! Stay safe. 🤗
Praying for you,yes the waiting period can weigh you down if we let it. I’m kinda going through something like you. After ultra sounds,ct scan,now waiting till June for ENT dr. Stay safe!
So sorry to read about your health troubles. Looking at the photos you share of yourself you’d never know about your worries or situation. Seems we all have something going on in our lives, large or small. When my dad’s health was failing, l met several ladies at stores buying the same supplies – looking at them you wouldn’t know they were so troubled either.
Not that this reduces your worry and by the number of responses you have received here, you have quite an extended family of friends that care about you and your wellbeing.
Thinking of you and many prayers, Jennifer.
i have a chronic health problem that can sidetrack me for months at a time. A friend ask me how I could bear it. I go into survival mode and try to live just one day at a time when it happens. The bible says don’t borrow troubles from tomorrow for today. Today has its own set of problems. That is so true right now for a lot of us.
My husband avoided a massive heart attack because they found the problem in time and put in stents. You may be blessed that they found these problems in time to fix them the way he was. I’ll be thinking of you and sending up prayers for strength and courage because this can test both.
I’ve been through a fairly lengthy health disease process (cancer). What I had is not important but what I learned from It may be. It is how to approach and live uncertainty until you arrive at certainty. It is a process and it is slow, thoughtful, and may be considered a sacred or cherished time. The process taught me that it IS a process. It is not wise to “jump” ahead in supposing what may or may not be next (which is a natural thing to do) as you won’t know until the next step appears. You only know – for sure – about right now, this very moment. Because of that it has the potential to become a cherished moment in your life. Blessings during this special time and it sounds like you have already discovered this step at a time “secret”.
Thank you for your blog and site. Both are contributing to me!