Monday Musings: What Are You Talking Yourself Out Of
Yesterday’s email brought in an avalanche of emails asking for more details about style essences and style archetypes. I was going to cover it today, but I think it deserves its own post, so look for that in a week or so.
SIMILAR BANDANA SCARF, which began the day around my neck and ended tied to my bag
I was shopping over the weekend and felt a sudden wave of boredom with what I was reaching for. Not a crisis, just that flat little feeling of, haven’t I bought this before?
I kept drifting toward the same classic shapes and familiar colors. The pieces were perfectly fine, and some were probably useful, but they felt a little too expected. What fascinated me was the running commentary in my head: that’s a good color for you, that will go with everything, that’s the kind of thing you wear.
All true. Also, not very exciting.
Then I saw this tank in a color that’s not on any of the color palettes I’ve ever been given. It’s a yellow-green called Lemon Drop that should have made me walk right past, but it didn’t. It stopped me, and I picked it up twice. Then I tried it on and made the snap decision to buy it.
This was not an earth-shaking experience, obviously, and no one alerted the authorities. But for me, it felt like a tiny act of defiance against all the color rules I’ve collected over the years.
I’m not tossing out everything I know about color. I still believe color analysis can be enormously helpful, especially when you’re trying to understand why some shades light you up, and others make you look like you’re recovering from the flu. My readers love color palettes, and I understand why. I do too.
But I’m starting to question why everything has to be flattering in the most technical sense.
Why does every color have to brighten me, soften me, or perform some small miracle before I’m allowed to wear it? At our age, where does fun come in? Where does experimentation come in?
That chartreuse tank may not be my “best” color, but I liked it. It made me curious. And that feels worth paying attention to.
A color palette should expand your wardrobe, not shrink your curiosity.
I don’t want to abandon what I know. I just don’t want what I know to make every decision before I’ve had a chance to be interested. At some point, liking something is a good enough reason to try it.
One Small Wild Card
Leaving Room For The Wild Card
I don’t want this stage of life to make my style smaller. If anything, I want it to give me more room.
More room to be curious. More room to try something before I talk myself out of it. More room to wear something because it interests me, not because it checks every box on a list I made years ago.
Because we do edit ourselves, don’t we? For fit, color, comfort, occasion, and all the tiny messages we’ve absorbed about not trying too hard, not standing out too much, and heaven forbid, not looking like we think we’re twenty-five.
Some of that editing is useful. I don’t want clothes that fight my body or make my day harder. An uncomfortable waistband can still ruin an otherwise promising afternoon.
But there’s a difference between editing and erasing.
I’m not interested in full-on eccentric dressing, although I admire women who can pull that off. I’m talking about one small wild card, something that shifts the mood a bit. Maybe it’s a color I don’t usually wear, a bolder accessory, or a piece that makes a familiar outfit feel less predictable.
At this age, I don’t want getting dressed to become a long list of things I’ve ruled out. I want what I know to support me, not narrow me.
When was the last time you tried something on simply because it interested you, not because it was your best color, your most flattering shape, or the sensible choice?
The Lemon Drop tank is gorgeous and so pleased you bought. And then I read the latest Substack post from one of my favorite authors: Janelle McCulloch…A Luminous Future – Why yellow signals a cheerful new era…..” and have included the link hoping you will enjoy. https://salonfloraison.substack.com/p/a-luminous-future-why-yellow-signals?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=830429&post_id=200995540&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=nja9d&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email.
A wild card that grabs your imagination is a gift. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for sharing that article. We could all use more cheerful!!
Thank you; I feel validated. My choices have always been for comfort, fit & fun. At 5′ 2″ , even in petite lengths, fit is a problem, but having auto immune diseases comfort is always #1. I’ve learned that the large colorful print or a shade out of my usual range brings in the fun factor that can overcome the, “I just want to stay home with a heating pad” issue. I’ve learned so much from you about combining styles & color. Sandra
Fun can not be underrated! Thanks for being here Sandra
I have Chico’s jeans in that color. It goes with everything; all shades of blue, especially turquoise, green, peach, orange etc. I’m a Spring so I love color. And, if you have to, it even goes with black. Which I don’t wear because it ages me 25 years and I’m already 78. LOL
I felt like this this Spring/Summer. I wear a lot of blue and white in this season, but this year I’ve added several red pieces as well as a few yellow. They make me feel alive!
I LOVE the color of that Lemon Drop tank! So cute!
Totally feel that. I gave a lighter lime and white jacket that I quit wearing because not my
Color since I went grey. Decided to wear it with a white tank and black pants and got compliments. And to think I almost donated it…lol.
And if you felt great in it, that’s important.
I pick up what makes me happy all the time, almost, lol! Still regretting leaving behind a pair of 100% softest cotton red and white checked loose fitting summer pants at a local discount store. It’s easy to know why they were remaindered at a price point so tiny a couple of missed coffee drinks would have covered them. And yes, still look for them every summer, hoping maybe I bought them and don’t remember! They evoke wonderful childhood memories of warm summer.
I’ve learned so much from your blog about better reasons to buy clothing or an accessory, and am grateful. Sometimes, though, a pop of fun is good too.
You could check Etsy which seems to have everything!
Thanks so much for encouraging us to wear other colours not in our colour pallets. I recently bought a coral top with palm trees on it. This is something I’d never choose but I was attracted to it. As it turned out, I love it.
What a wonderful discovery
Yes, again you nailed it. I never wear yellow but when I saw this beautiful soft yellow sweater I had to have it. No longer do I box myself into certain colors but if the colors makes me swoon, I will buy it!
I hear you. I have been wearing a lot of Johnny Was which I love. I have this thing about embroidery! But surveying my pieces, I decided that even though I love them, some of them did not make me feel my best. So I sold them on a website which will be unnamed. A very smart woman wrote on instagram, “at this time in life, I so not wear anything that does not make me happy to wear it!” That idea really struck me. I have been trying to step out of my comfort zone which is navy, black and white, and pink. I don’t wear flashy prints or colors I think I am afraid that someone will laugh at me?? That sounds about right.
I completely understand where you’re coming from, Linda. It’s a freedom I think we deserve to give ourselves.
Red. I love it. I’ve talked myself out of it way too long. Not head to toe. Just piece here and there. I snuck in some fuchsia a couple of years ago and nothing horrible happened. Now I’m a soft, cool tone embracing red. No telling what a little boost in color will do.
Your new tank will ignite your blues!
Good choice.
I think it will!
Jennifer, this post is where I am living right now! What I see in the stores is not in my usual style, and I am feeling overwhelmed and/or frustrated by the options. I like many of the current styles! But when I try them on, either they are not flattering, or I feel like I am wearing a costume. I want to look current, not invest in an item that will just sit in my closet. So I fall back to what works for me, even though I would like to try something new. Choosing something in a classic silhouette but a different color, as you did, is a great way to break out of “the usual.”
Such a great point about trying something just because you like it. People always compliment me when I wear certain shades of blue. They followed up by saying that I should always wear blue. And my reaction is, how boring life would be if all one wore was one color, flattering, or not. There would be no fun in getting dressed! So I wear the occasional leopard print which absolutely does not flatter my coloring, but it’s a pattern I really like, etc.
Great point! I love leopard print too.
I walked past an Eileen Fisher window several times being drawn to the cardamom crinkled silk shirt in the window. I love (and have) those shirts for their ease, comfort, and polish….but chartreuse green! Finally went in to see how bad it was against my skin and actually liked it. Is it my best color…NO! But each time I wear it I smile. It’s just fun!
I love those shirts!! They’re so useful and the texture makes them so interesting.
“At some point, liking something is a good enough reason to try it.” YES!!! Jennifer – thank you for this post. You managed to put eloquently into words what I’ve been thinking/feeling for so long. Here’s to more FUN and freedom in our clothing choices!
I just bought a tee from Talbots that is exactly that color!
This is a color I couldn’t have worn in the past. I was trying to find a top to go with a pair of black pants with white embroidery on the bottom and this top works beautifully!
I am always afraid of standing out too much,also. Living in a small Midwestern city doesn’t help either! 🙃
That’s part of the issue, isn’t it? I’m working on being more comfortable with it.
“An uncomfortable waistband can still ruin an otherwise promising afternoon.”
A quote to remember! Classic!!!
Same with shoes that pinch my toes 😂
I agree Jennifer, it’s important to keep our lives fun and interesting even when it comes to clothes occasionally!
This is interesting commentary. Certainly, expanding our horizons makes sense. I will say, though, that as clothing rises in price, purchasing something that’s interesting that we may never wear seems somehow unacceptable. I’m a winter and like deep brown — but I know I will wear it. But I’ve also bought several blues outside my palette because the design and fit were good. They’ve been recycled or consigned. I’d love to hear your perspective six weeks from now and find out how often you’ve worn the new shirt.
I’ll let you know how it goes.