Thoughts On Going Gray
Everyone’s perspective on gray hair is unique. Whether a woman chooses to embrace her gray hair or dye it, we need to respect her personal choice because the most important thing is to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin. Today I want to share some thoughts on going gray.
As expected, I decided what to do with my haircut as I sat in the stylist’s chair yesterday. The longer we chatted, the more I realized how unhappy I’ve been with the way my hair is going gray. Rather than the bright silver or white I’d hoped for, mother nature has given me a messy melange of white, silver, and blonde. It looks muddy rather than bright. Combine that with letting my layers grow out, and you have a recipe for Jennifer taking scissors into her own hands, which is never a good plan.
Embracing your gray hair can be a powerful act of self-acceptance, but it’s not for every woman. I’ve earned every single one of those strands, and they’re a testament to the full life I’ve lived. However, I want to look and feel the best I can, and I’m not convinced I can get there without some help from added highlights.
How the color started
I started adding highlights to my hair at fifteen.
First came good old SunIn, which turned it a disgusting orange shade and left it feeling like straw. Then I moved on to the sophisticated crochet hook and shower cap routine, which looked splotchy and cheesy. I persevered and “streaked” my hair until foils came along, and I could afford a real stylist. I gradually forgot what my original hair color looked like. I just knew I was some type of blonde.
In 2021, I decided to go gray. Many of you shared your journey and encouraged me to stick with it. Along with the color, the texture has changed, and it’s lost a lot of shine. The whole point of highlights is to add brightness, which I must have always felt my natural color was missing. They also swell the hair, which adds body and helps my thinning hair look thicker.
The stylist asked if I wanted her to put a few highlights up front, to add that “pop” that I’ve been missing. I thought long and hard about it, then decided to wait. I had her cut a few layers into my hair and take off about 1 1/2″. I realize my stylist at home has been blending my layers into a smoothness that is counterproductive for its volume.
Volumizing Products
I came home with an arsenal of new hair products to boost my volume, and I may go back to using Velcro rollers.
I know that some women simply prefer how they look without gray hair, and there is no moral failure in that. I may be one of them. I’m going to pay more attention to the style of my hair as the color continues to evolve and leave my options open.
Does your stylist help direct how you should cut your hair?
Jennifer,
Love the cut! Great picture of you.
Thank you, Nancee
I like your hair! The length looks great on you. Gray is such a personal choice and it is a change. I had to wear my make up a little differently and choose different colors in my clothes. I decided to let my gray take over. My hairdresser blended with low and high lights in my hair as I transitioned to my natural color. I did that for several years until I finally had enough gray to stop coloring entirely. I’ve kept my hair in a short stacked Bob cut. It’s the perfect cut for me. I also have just a few silver tinsel strands in my hair. They are very subtle. My hair is fairly thick and can be flyaway. So I have to put product on to counteract that. I use the shampoo, conditioner and serum from Target HB (hair biology) for silver hair. It is a reasonable price. I tried many other more expensive products, but these work best for me. Persevere! You will find the right balance for you.
Jennifer,
I think your hair looks good gray. It goes well with your soft and cool undertones.. In a previous post of yours, you were wearing a gray sweater and gray (I think felt) hat and you were glowing. I think it’s wise to wait until you get a cut you’re happy with and then re-assess if you want color or high/low lights. As you say, do what makes you feel good. Good luck on the journey.
It’s a learning as I go process. Thanks, Nancy.
I like your haircut! I quit “highlighting” and grey out it out when i had 2 bad experiences with my longtime stylist. I had her cut into a pixie from a bob. Then lockdown happened and it was a grown out hot mess and I found a new stylist who really knows how to cut a pixie. Now I’m back to a bob but growing out my bangs…..I’m at the point where always in my face. I’m going to try the Kevin Murphy, thanks for recommending them.
Pixie was a disaster on me. A big disaster.
Your hair looks like champagne, a good thing!
I love that!!
Jennifer, love your new style and color. Also, SunIn, takes me back. I was also guilty of using lemon juice to ‘highlight’ my hair….but I’m one of those women who look awful with grey hair, talk about adding 10 years to my look. For years I went with a dark brunette, and a few highlights..with layers, I can only handle a short bob, or my face drags down….then about 6 months ago, my long time stylist parted ways, still friends, I’m just not a client. I did some cold calls and found the most wonderful stylist literally down the street from me. She convinced me to go lighter , with more highlights and warmer brown low lights. I’ve never had more compliments…and yes for whatever reasons, less layers made my very fine hair bouncier…..I’d recommend her, but it would be about a 2hr drive from where you live…good luck finding the right stylist…it does sometimes pay to change…..
I used to drive 2 hours to go back to my old stylist but then she left the state. It’s so worth it when you have tough hair. If she was still in CA I’d keep driving to see her.
Hi Jennifer, today’s post was so timely for me. I had been going through the exact same thing. I am very fair skinned and because my hair grows extra fast, I need frequent touch ups. I thought going natural would simplify my life, (my hair is quite white) but regardless of wardrobe or makeup, I just looked exhausted and (even) older. Yesterday I went for color, cut and highlights & came out looking like I had finally had a good night’s sleep! I guess I’m not yet ready for natural beauty. 😂 Good luck; it’s a hard decision.
Bravo Jo! I’m glad you decided to make the change to what makes you feel vibrant and joyous. Natural is overrated if it doesn’t give us confidence.
Oh, do I understand scissors in hand! I moved and lost my great stylist-still trying to find someone in my small village. What is the truth about blunt cut and layers? One stylist does a blunt cut then another insists on layers. I have long stopped coloring and love my salt and pepper but I have thin fine hair and boy does it lack body.
Thanks Jennifer-read all your blogs.
Amy
My best cuts are disconnected with blunt layers. No feathering. I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention to how my stylist was cutting them but now I remember what it takes. I’ll have to see if she can do it.
Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing your story.
This fall I just decided to own my age,and the grey hair.
Growing out grey is a long process and my stylist is using a semipermanent glaze so the demarcation is not so obvious.
It will be interesting to see the final color ,the texture has definitely change to drier and frizzy so more products to keep it looking smooth and healthy.
Thanks for highlighting (no pun intended)this subject.
Grey hair is having a moment as we seasoned women begin to own our age and our life experience.
It really is a process. Both psychologically and physically.
I know the feeling of losing your hair stylist. Mine moved four states away. Ach! And now I’m left with trying to find a new one. She and I first met in 1997! And over time we became the best of friends. We went through loss and divorce and many of life’s happenings. Funny how a chance meeting grows into something that brings joy and friendship.
At this time I now have a cut that looked more like a man’s cut! So while it grows out, I’m still looking.
As for going grey, at 75 I decided to go natural. Now I have like four grey hairs in the front, but I’m happy not having to deal with color treated hair.
I keep highlights in my hair to add volume. I also use the Kevin Murphy products you showed. I think you’ll really like them. Your hair looks very flattering just as it is.
Im one of those ladies that does not love their graying hair. I fully admit to color And highlights. I dont feel like i look my best i. My own hair color. So for me looking good also means i feelgood about myself, and thats what its all about.
I agree Julie! Feeling good about ourselves is the most important.
Love the soft layers and the color is lovely the way it is.
I have fine curly blondish hair, and live in a really dry hot climate. I always straightened or blew out the curl, which further dried out my hair. Finally accepted the curl and it has never looked better. Still enjoy my highlights and lowlights. Also, I take pictures from pinterest to show her the style I am going for, and she tries hard to cut my hair accordingly. Plus I follow Kari Lynn as she has good ideas for curly hair.
Following people with our hair type is so helpful.
I love the photo with your hair in a more carefree style, toward the end of your post (with some ends going out and some in!). And I do not see — from photos — any issue with shine, nor color. That said, I am looking at photos and I understand that when our hair changes, we may lament that change and wish to regain some of what we lost!
I have truly black natural hair coloring and have been coloring since beginning to gray at age 35, 28 years ago. I have a somewhat youthful face, even with wrinkles, and I haven’t envisioned myself with gray hair (yet). I know many women feel that having their natural hair coloring is more ‘contemporary’, perhaps more freeing, but I am personally against the symbolism of gray hair as politically correct/politically forward-thinking (that may have originated in my home state, California). I wish that some aspect of life could remain politically neutral 😉 My 2 cents!
Your two cents are worth a million bucks! Going gray has become a barometer of how confident and “real” women are which is hogwash.
Great cut Jennifer. I’ve whined before about my fringe envy. But I have NO forehead. ☹️ I stopped dying my hair over 10 years ago in my 60s and finally loosing the natural low lights which I love so may start adding back.
If you love them, add them back!!
I’ve had the same hair stylist for years. We’ve been through it all believe me. I had been coloring it for years until I lost it all from chemo. To my surprise it came in with a really shiny silver. I keep it short now because while I have plenty on top the sides are really thin. I think you’re hair looks beautiful 😍
Thanks Rosemary. Your hair sounds fabulous
Layers do make your hair look fuller. I’ve been trying to tell a friend that as her hairdresser keeps cutting it one length. Your hair looks lovely.
I stopped highlights about four years ago. It’s more a combination of colours- silver, white & dirty blonde. I know that sounds awful but the silver gives it shine and it stands out in a sea of all white. I had hoped for white hair like my sister but am now quite pleased with my own colour. It gives me more brightness.
I’m missing brightness and hope as I continue to change, I’ll get more.
I hate doing my hair. it is curly and I always wanted it straight. I colored it for many years. I was getting dissatisfied with that because it seemed to start showing the gray the minute I walked out of the chair. During Covid my stylist retired and I took the plunge. I’m gray and my hair is curly and shorter and I do hardly anything to it. I wish I’d figured this out earlier. But sometimes I wonder because at least where I am the vast majority color their hair.
Hi Jennifer,
I think your hair always looks beautiful!
I continue to color mine and tease my daughter to be sure to give me $ for my colors when I am in the nursing home down the road! LOL!
Your blog is my favorite.
Thank you.
I’ve made my daughter promise to tweeze my chin hairs 🤣 Thank goodness for daughters. Thanks for being here.