Thoughts On Going Gray
Everyone’s perspective on gray hair is unique. Whether a woman chooses to embrace her gray hair or dye it, we need to respect her personal choice because the most important thing is to feel comfortable and confident in your own skin. Today I want to share some thoughts on going gray.
As expected, I decided what to do with my haircut as I sat in the stylist’s chair yesterday. The longer we chatted, the more I realized how unhappy I’ve been with the way my hair is going gray. Rather than the bright silver or white I’d hoped for, mother nature has given me a messy melange of white, silver, and blonde. It looks muddy rather than bright. Combine that with letting my layers grow out, and you have a recipe for Jennifer taking scissors into her own hands, which is never a good plan.
Embracing your gray hair can be a powerful act of self-acceptance, but it’s not for every woman. I’ve earned every single one of those strands, and they’re a testament to the full life I’ve lived. However, I want to look and feel the best I can, and I’m not convinced I can get there without some help from added highlights.
How the color started
I started adding highlights to my hair at fifteen.
First came good old SunIn, which turned it a disgusting orange shade and left it feeling like straw. Then I moved on to the sophisticated crochet hook and shower cap routine, which looked splotchy and cheesy. I persevered and “streaked” my hair until foils came along, and I could afford a real stylist. I gradually forgot what my original hair color looked like. I just knew I was some type of blonde.
In 2021, I decided to go gray. Many of you shared your journey and encouraged me to stick with it. Along with the color, the texture has changed, and it’s lost a lot of shine. The whole point of highlights is to add brightness, which I must have always felt my natural color was missing. They also swell the hair, which adds body and helps my thinning hair look thicker.
The stylist asked if I wanted her to put a few highlights up front, to add that “pop” that I’ve been missing. I thought long and hard about it, then decided to wait. I had her cut a few layers into my hair and take off about 1 1/2″. I realize my stylist at home has been blending my layers into a smoothness that is counterproductive for its volume.
Volumizing Products
I came home with an arsenal of new hair products to boost my volume, and I may go back to using Velcro rollers.
I know that some women simply prefer how they look without gray hair, and there is no moral failure in that. I may be one of them. I’m going to pay more attention to the style of my hair as the color continues to evolve and leave my options open.
Does your stylist help direct how you should cut your hair?
I feel that one of the things that makes grey hair look like an d person’s hair is the dullness of it. I have found that using Palmer’s coconut oil formula moisture boost protein pack not only gives some body to thin hair but really helps with the shine. Good luck!!
Thank you Judy!
I have hair that looks similar in color and texture to yours. I haven’t used color at all. Several stylists that I follow suggested Hair Biology , which can only be purchased at Target. I first got the blue for gray hair, but then got the one for volume. My hair now has shine that I have longed for my whole life! I am 76 . I have always had blond hair and it got darker as I aged. It is now cut in a bob and shiny and healthy looking! The other day when I was in for a cut an older lady came in and asked for my color and my hairstylist told her that she could not duplicate it as it was natural! I think keeping your hair healthy and shiny helps any color look better. I have had the same stylist for over 30 years! That doesn’t hurt either! My hair does not do well with layers either! Sun in was how I lightened my hair when I was a teen, too, but it never turned my hair orange, but I know many who it did! I believe Tania from 50 is not old was the first to recommend the HB, then Beth D and Cindy Spivey.
Great topic Jennifer. Six months ago I decided to stop coloring/highlighting my hair to see exactly what color my hair truly is. It’s a tough journey, but I’m going to hang in for the long haul. Getting structured layered haircuts every 6 weeks help to minimize the remaining colored hair. It’s a very personal decision and one that can be agonizing during the wait. It’s nice to hear encouragement. You look wonderful and renewed.
I’d love to see recommendations on shine products, too, especially ones that are silicone-free. ‘Cones weigh down my hair. I’ve been very fortunate in the grey hair lottery; mine is all silvery white. But it isn’t nearly as shiny as I’d like!
You are lucky. I like the Mystical Shine by Wow.
Jennifer, you look beautiful with your hair the colour and style you have. Be patient. I sometimes find when I’m feeling unsettled or frustrated with my hair, i discover that it’s something else in my life that’s the real cause of my anxiety, and once that resolves, I’m quite happy with my hair.
Your new haircut looks great. I also like your color. Almost 4 years ago I stopped getting my hair dyed. My natural color used to be a dark reddish brown and after years of dying my hair, I did not even know what the color underneath would look like. To me it was fascinating to watch how the natural color grew in. It took about 2 1/2 years for my shoulder length hair. My hair is white in the front, except for one dark streak, silver on the sides and darker in the back. The white streaks almost look like highlights. Sometimes I wish I had my reddish brown hair back, but I know it does not look right anymore. I also would need to go for root touch-ups about every two weeks or so. Even thought I like my hair now, it took me quite a while to get used to it. There are still times when I startle myself walking by a mirror. I learned a good haircut is a must with grey hair. Frizzy hair that looks like an outgrown perm is not something I like to walk around with. My hair is on the drier side, so I use Tigi Bed Head Urban Antidotes Recovery Shampoo + Conditioner. I works wonders on my hair. To keep frizzyness away I use Tigi Bed Head After-party Smoothing Creme after my hair is dry. What’s also great is Bed Head Glaze Haze Semi-Sweet Smoothing Hair Serum by TIGI. I just use a few drops on the palm of my hand and run it through my hair. It does not need a lot. Every second or third time I wash my hair I add some of Schwarzkopf Goodbye Yellow Neutralizing Shampoo – Purple Shampoo to my regular shampoo to keep the yellow tone down.
I’ve just learned how critical a fresh cut is.
You will love the Kevin Murphy products.
I took a year and half break from them and was that a mistake!
Grew my style out to a bob similar in length to yours.
Still color but have extreme coarseness that has only increased with gray underneath and summer humidity adds another dimension.
Use the Young Again Wash and Rinse and Smooth Again styling cream…..all designed for the control of gray hair!
Good for you to stick with no color. Many of my friends have gone gray which was initiated by covid…….None of them are blonde! My mother colored her hair all 92 years of her life! Guessing Im on track to do the same!
I think your hair looks wonderful! And thanks for the reminder about disconnected layers and blunt cutting. My fine, stick straight hair just doesn’t do well with point cutting. Think more blunt cutting would help. but I may need more layering than just on top…otherwise, I look like the dancing mushrooms in fantasia. I’m ordering that gel today 🤞🤞
As to color….whatever makes you feel happy and confident.
Finally, I love your “voice” you have a great sense of humor and are so real and relatable.
Thank you, Linda. I’m glad you like my voice 🙂
I get very frustrated when I try to write on your site! I just gave you a long explanation on using EvolVh products and the whole site went gray and dumped what I had written. I had not had a chance to finish. Their Ultrashine products are great for our color which is a lovely stripe of white and silver with a tiny amount of blonde still at the back neck. Mine is cut in a chin length Bob and my waves look great even though my hair is very fine and thin. I use the volumizing mousse and a tiny amount of Dream Gel to finish. These are very clean products and I love them.
I went silver/gray during the pandemic. My colorist recommended using a purple shampoo (Fanola) to minimize any yellow/brown tones. But my challenge was a bit different. My silver is very bright. Too bright for me. So I decided to add navy blue lowlights. I love it and get compliments from strangers…so I’m taking that as a good sign.
What a fun solution!
I thought about stopping dyeing my hair during Covid lockdown. When the gray started coming in, I did not like how I looked! Needless to say, I was back at my stylist’s as soon as she opened.😄 I see her every 5 weeks-for highlights, color and cut every other appointment and just touching up my regrowth on the other appointments. I wish I could embrace my gray as my sisters have done- think of the time and money I’d save! But I’d rather feel good and confident about how I look.
Feeling confident and happy with how you look is the ultimate goal.
I did the highlights/lowlights until my hair was completely gray and am lucky it’s a nice color. I have found that I need more blush to brighten my face. If I don’t put on any other makeup, I do blush and lipstick.
I need some makeup too or I look totally washed out.
I quit coloring my hair about 12 years ago. I have thyroid disease, terrible scalp flakiness and scaly patches (sorry TMI, I know), but coloring was just making everything worse. I will not color for those reasons, but I certainly get that everyone should do what they want. A couple of ideas that I try to remember. I hate my hair when it is getting time for a good trim. I hate my hair if I see it under nasty yellow lighting, you all know the kind. I try not to judge my hair too harshly on a trip, particularly if I am going from the nice cool humid coast to the dry mountains. Finally it is important to be careful about the complexion with white/gray hair. Makeup is your friend for adding depth. I look forward to your product reviews, Jennifer. The yellowing of white hair is a constant struggle. The purple shampoos don’t really work that well for me.
I’ve found that doing the final rinse in cold water makes my gray shine. It does help a bit. From chemo , I grew in my natural hair. Quite the salt and pepper mix with bright silver streaks on top. I’m trying to be patient but it’s hard. Never get married to a single color palette, because not only does your hair color change, your skin tone does too. You need to reevaluate now and then!
Jennifer, your hair looks great! I’m new to your site, in the last month or two, and I love it! You have been so helpful (except to my budget!) and I’ve learned so much. I have always hated trying on clothes and you’ve made it so easy to find styles and sizes that I like. Thank you for all that you do to make it easier for all of us. Enjoy your time in Vancouver; I love it there!
Welcome, Deby. I’m so glad you’ve joined us!
You look beautiful and your hair is lovely! I don’t feel I can ever go gray, though. I’ve been coloring my hair since 9th grade when my southern mother decided my hair was too “ dirty blonde.” I think many women look incredibly gorgeous with their silver/white hair, but I’m just fine coloring my hair.
Thank you. It’s so important for us to do what makes us feel confident.
I can’t think of anything worse than a perpetual bad hair day. Don’t for a minute feel like you gave up, sold out, or threw in the towel, should you decide to go back to coloring your hair. It’s really the only part of the quality of our hair that we have control over. Do what makes you feel good and don’t feel bad about it.
I was feeling that way. Thanks, Donna
This might go against the grain here, but I’ve chosen not to go gray … yet. Got a lot of fun memories out of that Sun-In photo. My friends all used it (and turned orange), but I chose to use “Lemon Go Lightly” – you know, the one from Clairol with the big lemon sitting on top of a canister that you could use while sitting under a hairdryer. Used that for several years until I cut my waist-length hair and tried Dark Blond in a Clairol Herbal Essences box. Well, fast forward some 40+ years and I’m still using a box going a little lighter with golden blond after living in Hawaii turned my blond hair somewhat lighter. Several of my present and former hairdressers have commented that they love the hair color and that it goes well with my complexion, while blending in nicely when some gray shows. All have said, “Keep doing whatever it is you’re doing.” They laugh even harder when I tell them it all comes from a box!
I think it’s awesome to do your own thing! Many women will never go gray and more power to them.
I tried going grey for many reasons and decided to go back to dying my hair a light brown with a few highlights. I too was unhappy with the color that was growing out, I felt pressure to keep growing it out. So many people told how liberating and the savings, but I just wasn’t happy with it. I do feel many people might dye their hair grey etc. Give it a little help so it looks better. On their skin tone it does look great, but I am warm coloring, so it just didn’t work for now.
There is a lot of pressure on women to gro gray these days, so I’m very glad we’re having this honest discussion. Women need to feel supported which ever choice they make.
I started with Sun in it also turned me orange!
If the description of my hair wasn’t called ash, dirty, mousey, dishwater, etc… instead of moonlight, or some other name, I wouldn’t have reached for the bottle of Sun in.
My hair stylist also preferred to warm up my cool hair, despite my cool skin tone.
What’s up?
It’s cool grey now, problem solved. 😂
Hairstylists have a hard time not warming up blondes, I don’t know why.